Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

Watty1

Just catching up. Goodness my dearest DFW we have a similar history (although I don't have children).   Whatever happens with the process will happen.  I'm sure they have seen and heard it all before and can make fair assessments, and, if they can't then their role in the process is questionable but at least  you have done just one more layer in the healing process. It really is like peeling an onion.   Sending love.

debtfreewannabe321

Thank you @Watty1, it makes me sad you've had a similar background to me. I wouldn't wish my past on my worst enemy. 🫂
My friend that works for the company has known me over 35 years now, she's advocated for me all along. I've looked after her kids for her so she knows my strengths and weaknesses as a parent (I'm much stricter than her, it's the only place I have lots of boundaries in my life - usually out of a want to keep my kids in my care safe) and her boss has agreed to use her as a reference even though it is kind of conflict of interest. So I'm guessing whatever my ex has said is bad. She knows him (he once tried it on with her right in front of me at a party and she despises him and thinks him a snake 😁) so she can accurately tell the SW our relationship dynamics (toxic) and how I am SO different without him in my life. 

debtfreewannabe321

Morning all, 
It's my day off! Yay! And I slept okay last night! AND I have woken up with my knee and foot pain gone! Some sort of miracle must have occurred  

I woke up with a bit of a start this morning thinking I had forgotten to put the bin out, DP has taken this on as his job since we moved here (it always used to be my job since forever but I pulled my back out one day doing it and scraped all my arm up on the narrow gateway we had so DP took over) and he's away so I had a panic I had forgotten to do it when I heard the bin lorry! I have never thrown my clothes on so quick (aside from all the other times I have missed the bin lorry ) only to find it was a road sweeper that was just very noisy. 🙄😏 So anyway, bins are due out today not yesterday. I am one of those people who can live in a house for years and still never get bin day right and have to always copy the neighbours 🙈 in my brain it just doesn't seem to be a very important piece of information to hold on too.
So I have video called DP, I am missing him now he's been gone for a couple of days, and he's due home this afternoon 🥰. I love having the house to myself for a while but then I do miss him when he's gone. No pleasing some of us haha. 
I have also had two cups of tea, which fuelled putting a wash on, washing up, tidying and making a shopping list. I don't need much, just the bits I forgot at the weekend like bin bags and toothpaste. I will also pick up some more fruit, we have all been making a concerted effort to eat more fruit, so we're nearly out. Everyone seems to be avoiding the apples though for some reason, I may make a crumble with them later to use them up. 
My glasses are ready for collection! I hope they're better than the last ones and I need to return a couple of bits to the charity shop and pick up a collection from N3xt. oh and I also dropped DD off in my pjs as at the last minute she was like 'i'm going to be late' Ugh!! Kids! 

I am going to make a little plan later on how to tackle the bits of debt that have accrued over the last month or so. It's not a great amount but I don't want it to spiral. I will add it all up and make plans when home from shopping.

I might see if the SM has some stocking fillers and nice xmas wrap so I can get started on figuring out exactly what I need to buy for xmas to be done. I asked DP for some perfume, although we don't really do presents I have run out of perfume and been using the really cheap ones from L1dl lately and I try to avoid my clothes but they sometimes get on it and I have stained two tops now which had to be thrown out as I couldn't remove the perfume off it my old more expensive one never did that and always lasted longer too so at least he knows what to get me. I bought him a phone on credit because he needed a new one and I felt it could coincide with his Nov birthday and xmas as it was quite expensive even with the 20% off code I had.
DD has been the most spoilt, with a car which was supposed to be a xmas and birthday joined present. But I have also bought her lev1 jeans, new cr0cs, perfume and a few other small bits. Xmas presents have become less and less as years have gone by in our house because I didn't have a big budget to spend on 3 children, and a long time ago I adopted the four present rule, one present you want, one you need, one you can read, one to wear and I usually add another, one to eat. Then stockings. As they have gotten older though most of the time they ask for clothes so they all tend to be ones you can wear I find it hard then to stick to my structured four present rule and get all in a kerfuffle plus presents seem to quadruple in price once they hit their teens. 

SO yes, anyway, gawd I like to digress, sorry, wrapping paper and sort presents out I already have! 
Okay I will get on and sort out these jobs and then come back later with a plan for this debt I have. 

daisy_1571

Lol, I hadn't appreciated you meant presents 🤣 😆 

Dxxx

KajiKita

Lovely to come into a chatty, (slightly) rambley, happy post - you sound more like yourself again So glad you slept and your knee is feeling better  

It takes me me about a week to start missing Mr KK when he does his France WW2 battlefield trips, so you are obviously fonder of of DP than I am of Mr KK  Lol  

Hope your day continues to go well.

KK

debtfreewannabe321

Ahhhhh!!! Guess what I forgot! Wrapping paper!!! Grr. I did remember a birthday card for DS1 though- right down the aisle with wrapping paper I think I walked down there and remembered DS birthday instead of what I was supposed to be down there for I swear sometimes I am losing my marbles.
@KajiKita I love a good ramble the ones that aren't bad for my knees lol. 
@daisy_1571 to be fair I probably put too much thought and effort into presents too lol.

Well I have had a busy morning. I had a request for a phone call from the SW. She's very sorry but we can't move ahead because of the references. So that has put a stop to that. I feel mixed emotions, relief was the biggest and first, upset because I feel people have lied and they can just get away with it and we have had no say ourselves, and well just confused as to what to do next. DP is on his way home from Wales, so he will be back around half three I think, I will tell him then. He's really quite guarded with his emotions though and doesn't like to upset me by being upset himself, so I will have to prise how he really feels out of him. 

Anyhow, after that I went to Mr T, got glasses, they are SO much better, no headaches, slightly stronger than last pair and no dizzy or migraine pains from them. Spent far too much in Mr T considering I got only a bag of stuff - mostly cleaning and toiletries I had forgotten. I think prices in SM are just ridiculous now. Got fuel and then drove to N3xt to collect parcel. I am returning two items when I pop back out for DP as they don't fit/ look like a sack on me. Will also return items to the CS then as well. 

Okay debts stand as:-
N3xt (minus what I am about to return) £154
Kl&rna- £1347 (I am STILL waiting on refund from first cooker which is £1199 of this debt!) 
V3ry catalogue- £502.

£2003 eek. £804 if that retailer gets their butt into gear and gives me my refund!
AND £502 is on interest free anyway so it's not as bad as I thought. 

IF I get child maintenance paid next month I may just use that to get rid of some of this. But ex was being an idiot, as per, and refusing to pay in the last lot of messages. So we will have to wait and see on that one.....

Thank you all for being my sounding board through that horrid process of having my life interrogated, turned upside down and all without my side of the story being told....I am grateful to you all. I guess this means I will have to sign up to a few more employment agencies and find something else I love because I really am not enjoying my chosen job right now. I think I will continue to write down my side of the story in my life because it has been quite cathartic getting it out. And my memory has never been good, so if my children ever want to know about me it will be written down. I guess the process was useful for a little self reflection.

KajiKita

Yaay for new glasses that actually work for you! I suspect that will make a big difference to you and you can go back to cross stitch etc again, maybe?

I'm sorry that the fostering thing didn't work out. I feel you deserved it for it to but sometimes these things happen for a good life development reason we can't always see at the time.
Maybe give DP a bit of time to process before getting into how he feels about being turned down - he's had a mad week and he's been through the mill a bit with the past-being-stirred-up-by-the-process too, hasn't he. 

It sounds like the debts will be tameable fairly quickly, once you have the cooker refund (give them a prod?) and the Ex pays some maintenance <KK says blithely ... trying to encourage universe to make it happen! > Well done for getting it all straight though, at least you know exactly where you are now.

Before you start agencing and all that good stuff, please revisit your vision board and be really ASSERTIVE about exactly what you want from a new job!  

KK

debtfreewannabe321

We are due a refund for the medicals! £100 and I prompted for that before we get erased from the system....so that can go towards the debt. When we get It.

I need to pop out and do some errands then pick DP up. Promise I won't interrogate him just yet 🥰🤣 but I am interested to know how he's feeling with regards to his children especially. 

Right best run, don't think it will be as quiet as I hope on the roads as we've lots of road works going on here and I need to go back across town then turn back on myself and divert to Train station then back again. 
Did I say the fine has been taken off my gym account so I can go again now. 😊

Watty1

Sorry to read that the fostering process has stopped.    For some reason I think this might deliver a gift you cannot yet see, but, I do understand how you must feel right now

daisy_1571

Sorry to hear about the outcome from the fostering.   I'm sure it must be upsetting at the moment,  especially since it wasn't your decision,  its a decision made by others. 


Hope its not too soon for looking at the positives. Definitely carry on writing down your experiences.   It must help to get it out of your head.

I'm hoping, in time, you may look back on it being a good thing.  Its a very long term commitment as you would be emotionally engaged with these kids and invested in their future for ever more as I doubt you'd forget any of them.  It would be lovely to think you got a couple you really clicked with and were able to guide their lives in healthier ways but you may have got ten on the bounce just like ds2 at his stage in life.  Thats a lot of negative energy to bring into your safe lovely home.  Knowing what people are like we minimise the good we did and focus on the ones we felt we failed.  Your recent issues with ds2 does make it seem like you aren't somebody who finds it easy to let things go so I'm sure you'd have felt it deeply even though those around you said you had done everything you could.  (I'm also not sure it was best timing for ds2, I know you can't put your life on hold for him but im sure at his self self self age he would just see it as you replacing him.)

Focus for now on the interactions you have right now which help - the kids at school, your own family life, your friends and most importantly yourself. 

Theres other ways to help if you fancy doing things in the future, youth groups, counselling, volunteer at something like phone lines, food banks, charity in some way - its not all helping in the shops although that is of course hugely important. 


Take care xxxx