Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

Jessy103

Agreed, hope you have a lovely relaxing weekend x

debtfreewannabe321

Thanks all 😊
Yesterday DP and I went for a walk and cancelled our gym session. Might have been a bit far because my foot and knee were hurting by the end. I think we did about three miles in all. We rewarded ourselves with some brunch out and about and wandered around town. Finished the afternoon off with some cake and tea 😄 it made for a nice day with treats and exercise involved. Also bought some cheap books and a dvd from the CS. Spent less than a fiver aside from food all day.

Today I've been to the gym and didn't achieve very much cardio I was feeling really exhausted (even after ten hours sleep). I did what I could though and all the usual weight machines. Just turning up is a win for me tbh.

I've emailed the e3ay seller back as they have said they can't fix the door on our cooker 😧 instead they want to collect it. I've asked if they have a different one to swap with otherwise it might be a case of asking for refunds and shopping again. 

I applied for a pre/loaded credit card through a form from the place I bought my TV from..if you bought a certain one they gave you cashback on a CC so have sent my receipt for that. 

Have applied for some cashback that's cleared and survey money. They all seem to take ages to clear though.

DP and I did a top up shop after gym and spent nearly £60 on it 🥴. 

I'm dreading work tomorrow. I feel burnt out and exhausted and feel like I need time out and a holiday not work. I've realised that people like to use me to talk to and tell their problems too but it is never ever a two way conversation I just listen, take it on and don't ever have an outlet myself. This diary is probably the best outlet I have right now 🙁.

Just yesterday when we popped into a charity shop a man decided to tell me his life story, I went to answer him as one of the questions he asked I thought required an answer, I was wrong I think it was rhetorical as he kept going on and talked over me. I felt a little upset after and couldn't figure out why as it was an innocent enough exchange. And then after pondering on it I realised this is what happens to me at work, day in and day out and it's not a wonder I'm feeling so down about it all. I don't ever feel very heard, and feel my opinion/ answers/ own story means nothing to most. I'm also putting up with entitled students day in and day out demanding energy from me that I just do not have / want to give any more.

We have that weekend away booked in December but honestly I feel like I need a proper holiday away from washing, tidying, cooking, caring for people all day long and listening to other people moan. 

Sorry for moaning, I'm sure I'll be fine and crack on with it ...my house meanwhile is really in a mess. I cannot keep up with the household tasks like dusting and hoovering nevermind anything more strenuous. I do feel a bit of depression is setting in and I need to shake it off and do something for me. The gym is the first step as the exercise will hopefully help my mental state, but I need desperately to get out of my job. I feel like it is destroying my soul and I never do any of the things I care about any more because I only have enough energy to work and then recover ready for the next day. 

Okay that's enough moans. 
I'm trying...I have a plan to get out at least and regardless of whether it is the right plan or not remains to be seen but it is Plan B (I'm on plan A and it's not working 🤣). Also need to factor in a holiday somehow. I need to get away. 

KajiKita

Oh dear … You’re having a bit of a crash I think. Not wholly surprising after slogging your guts out on DIY all summer with no downtime and then going straight back into a tough job. Sending restorative hugs x

Re people who want to offload on you … You need to be less available. 

You have a meeting to go to, right now. 

You have another topic you want to pick their brains on (everyone loves to think their advice is useful 😉).
If it really comes to it, go nuclear and actually tell them what you really think their situation is and what they need to do about it (if you’ve heard the same stories multiple times I suspect you have some insights in the back of your head by now). That generally gives people something to think about and shuts down their endless spiralling. 

I appreciate that this might sound a bit brutal, but you MUST stop leaking energy to people. You don’t have it to spare. ATM you barely have enough for yourself and your immediate loved ones. 

Here endeth today’s bossy lecture! 😉

In general, can you get DP and DD to pull their weight just a it more around the house so you have just a bit more time and ‘space’ to just be? 

You haven’t mentioned any gardening this weekend. Could you do 15 to 30 minutes each evening before the clocks change again? Nothing demanding - dead heading, bits of tidying, making plans, just drinking a cuppa out there. I think that might help possibly? 

Another thing I do when I’ve had a particularly heavy day is I use my shower at the end of the day to consciously wash away the people, the demands and the energy I have been immersed in all day. 

KK

LadyWithAPlan

Well done for passing your £300 target ! 

Maybe even try sage-ing yourself at the end of the day xx 

sorry the family woes are kicking in …I don’t know you IRL but still I am convinced the NC people are missing out not having you around 

daisy_1571

Agree 100% with kk.  If you weren't in they'd find someone else to moan to!  Get several stock phrases ready and USE THEM 

Hugs

Dxx

Watty1

Well I'm just catching up and KK comments really helpful for me too so thank you.

No words of wisdom but encouragement from someone also feeling burnt out.

MeandO

I think you and I may be separated at birth, DFW123. I could have written your post. Burnt-out-dom must be in the air at the moment - I am completely and utterly on my last legs and am feeling the need to be in a quiet little cabin in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nature, with no people to contend with, although you're welcome to join me DFW123 & Watty1 - we'll start a 'burnt-out-club.'

Great suggestions from KK too, I might pinch one or two of those.

I hope this week turns out to be a lovely one for you DFW123. As others have said, try your best to give an air of unavailability and have some quick excuses in the bag to use at such times when people descend on you. Or start coughing and spluttering loudly, people usually leave you alone then...

Sending you much love for a peaceful, restorative week. xx

debtfreewannabe321

Thanks for the support all, KK I will try doing this. I am sorry you're feeling the same @Watty1 & @MeandO ☹️it is exhausting trying to just carry on when you've hit a wall with everything. @LadyWithAPlan I sage regularly. I think I need to bring my sage into work and sage all the little demons there  

Today I brought a healthy pack up with salad and chickpeas and cut up pineapple and water melon. I still caved for a hot drink as my throat was super sore. Lunch was a late one today but we got an extra half hour and I thought, great, I will go take my lunch, read my book and have an hour and half free and to myself. My student messaged me and asked me if she could sit with me for lunch as she had no one else to sit with - I nearly said no- But I didn't. I felt really bad for her and so we spent lunch together (well she was on her phone for most of it but I was there in her Prescence which I think is what she wanted. ) and I felt too rude to get my book out 😏. I did get out of the last class early too though so I made back half an hour there I suppose. However it is like something is there trying to stop me doing anything for myself. And i don't have the heart to say no to people who want my help. Even, stupidly, at the expense of my own MH and energy. 

The e3ay shop got back to me, they have no alternative cooker. Brill, not. So need to disconnect it and package it (dunno in what as we got rid of everything it came with?) and find another one! Ugh. Another problem. All I can say is thank goodness for having two kitchens still. The old hob is still connected. The oven is not though. We will have to use the hob and air fryer in the interim before we can get another one delivered. They're collecting this one next week. I am grateful there was no argument in getting a refund though especially for something so expensive. Perhaps we will just go for a new one next time...

This weekend we were supposed to spend the weekend doing our form f interviews for fostering. I am pleased to say it has just been cancelled. I will make myself sleep well this week and reserve some energy to tidy the house. I have ordered new smoke alarms, they have just arrived so will replace the old ones. We have a couple of other small things we can get done this weekend too so lots of little bits ticked off our list.
All the courses have been done that we needed to do for it. The more I go into my job the more fostering seems like a better option. 

DS1 got back to me, I don't know whether I said or not. He is super stressed with teaching and work and exercises at work, him and his partner are having issues and he's not wanting to talk about it. But he did spend an hour or so on messages chatting to me about other things so I managed to extract some information such as will he be around for the xmas market, and xmas - no definitive answer on the 'what do you want for your birthday in three weeks' question though. Nowt back from DS2 but am not surprised, I have stopped messaging him for now. It is not doing my mental health any good overthinking everything- like yesterday I thought back to when DP and I took him out on his own for the day and he chose the restaurant, cinema and I also bought him new trainers. ALL day he was spend spend spend and not a single thank you. I had a horrible intuition yesterday that he was trying to spend all our money so he could go back to his dad and say where the maintenance had been spent that month.....he probably thanked his dad for trainers, cinema and restaurant instead of us. He left a couple of weeks after that so I feel I am right on it. Was all in the planning. He also had access to my YNAB for a little while as he feigned interest in budgeting. I dread to think whether he went back to ex with all those figures- probably. Makes me feel quite sick at how conniving they both were and how stupid I was not to see it.

Did I say the ski trip place has been sold on, so we should get a refund very soon. I will not be voluntarily offering anything back to ex. I had to bug him no end for the half of the deposit he paid. At this rate it may have to go towards a new cooker anyway as we will be short i think on a new one. DP has also got quotes coming in soon for the plumbing works and the gas disconnection in the old kitchen/ new kitchen so we will need money for that.

I am off swimming in a bit, I am going on my own, DP is taking DD out driving. I will go and get in the sauna and steam room too whilst there as my chest is feeling really tight and wheezy, hoping to do 20 laps first but not sure if I will manage it all. Good to have something to aim for though. 

Aww my student has messaged me on teams and said thank you for spending lunch with her and she wishes she could have me tomorrow too ☺️ I don't have her though and I doubt they will swap me over....I saw a student from last year (one who had seizures) and she came running over to see me at lunch and was so sweet saying she had missed having me this year, I wish I could get all my nice students together and keep them all week, the job might not seem so bad then. 

Right off to remove my make up before swimming otherwise I will be sporting the panda look. 

daisy_1571

I understand you somehow feel the need to be at everyone's beck and call and if you must, you must.  Perhaps though appreciate that without giving yourself some time you simply won't be able to be there to help therefore its in other people's interest for you to help yourself?  Make an 'appointment' off campus for at least one lunchtime a week so you aren't physically there ?

Anyway, sorry to hear ds1 having problems, hopefully once he is away from his work it will help their relationship.  Time is moving on, must be less than a year now?  You can listen, offer the odd general advice,  but im sure you know its not a great idea to go further than that!  The outside person never comes out well in these situations whether they break up or stay together lol.

Lastly, do you think you maybe missed a trick with the book there?  If she was on her phone, you weren't both talking, therefore its no more rude to look at a page than to look at a phone.  Its good to normalise reading with the younger generations I think.  Had she looked up from her phone you could have stopped reading any time? 

Maybe she could be your buffer to other people?   Make an arrangement for lunchtime once a week, you read, she checks phone, no one else bothers you as you are with a student?

Glad your appointment rearranged, gives you some time to yourself. 

Dxxx

debtfreewannabe321

Thanks Daisy, I said the same to DP when I got home...I should have just got my book out. It's stupid conditioning that I need unlearn that its okay to do things like sit and read with others there. She did talk to me a lot though, she has a lot going on with SW being involved and police and allegations and I felt rude to say no to lunch and also rude to get the book out because it might close her down and I felt like she needed someone to talk to. She has global development delay though and her communication skills aren't the best so I didn't get very far although she did confide in me (nothing I needed to report she's already been to safeguarding) and I want her to feel she always has someone to talk to at college that feels safe. 

But making a lunch date with myself off campus once a week is an excellent idea! I will do this.
Talking of lunch dates I've booked a table for DP and I for weds as pizza vouchers I got through Mr T are about to expire. Hopefully it won't cost too much more than the vouchers I have.

I've ordered a cooker. Got 8% cashback with blue light card (mark electrical) and went through TCB not sure if they will honour two lots of CB (BL was a code) But thought it worth a shot 😂 also it had £100 cashback on a CC like the TV so these will be useful coming up to Xmas. Had to put on CC to pay because I've not yet got refund for the old cooker. But can pay most of it off when I get that..it was £200 more but with £100 cashback card and £100 cashback from BL card it worked out similar prices as the one I'm sending back and it's new and it's cream! 😃

I went swimming. 20 laps and steam and sauna room later and I'm done in. Dinner, book and bed I think ♥️.