Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

daisy_1571

Ignore all this if its not the right time for you.... its all just in tge spirit of trying to help in my own clumsy way.

I think remembering that 'other people are not you' might be helpful.   Individuals can do allsorts of nice things, bad things, indifferent things but its very very hard to completely understand how any other individual will perceive that, will respond to it, will acknowledge or not acknowledge it.   Plus that response will change depending on their age, their mood, their outside influences at that moment etc.

You have blood relations who are prone to flying off in a huff or cutting off contact.   It might be genetics, might be upbringing, might be mood influenced by gut biomes as we are hearing a lot about these days, might be learned habits, might be a combination of all those things, they might at the heart of it just be quite small minded cold individuals.

By the sound of your mother's contact with friend it sounds very much like she lacks social graces !  Generally if somebody wants a favour they'll at least start with hi how you all doing, longtime no see but I was wondering if you could please....  Even if they couldn't care less its nice to pretend a bit of civility  😆   

You maybe could to schedule some alone time (if you don't want to do counselling at the moment), think about your childhood,  think about the good and bad, work out if the bad had some positive in your life as an adult (most likely things like I don't say that because I didn't like it as a child, I try to do this as I know its more positive than how I was treated), acknowledge that some things were just c@rp and uncalled for but the people around you were doing the best they could in their own circumstances of personality, upbringing, housing/work/financial or whatever, then acknowledge fully that you might never understand why they do what they do, you can understand  it so far but you aren't them so you'll never understand it fully from inside them, then move on your thoughts to something like those who no longer wish you in their life have no power to hurt you, no place in your day to day life, whatever works for you. 

In a sense almost like a funeral and grief process for your sister and mother.   Imagine they are somebody you used to know but no longer have any direct interest in, like a colleague  from years ago or a school friend,  important at the time but you wouldn't have a clue about them today as life has continued to shape you both in the intervening years.


As far as no 2 son is concerned, you can only remind yourself he's half his fathers son, he will think and do things completely differently to you and differently to no 1 son.  In time there may be reconciliation but you've got to give him time to do what he needs to do.  You spoke about the odd message but also said you've sent loads of messages?   Give him time to miss you!  Keep friendly open short contact, parcel up presents for xmas but acknowledge now you'll have to post them or send an online voucher to ensure he gets it and its not tampered with by others in the household and you probably won't get any response or thanks.



Sorry if any of this is too much, I just wish I could wave a magic wand and clear some of these persistent thoughts out for you but I know it doesn't work that way.

Keep focusing on the positives, kitchen sounds great, have a lovely Sunday 😍 

Dxxx

debtfreewannabe321

Thank you for your thoughtful response @daisy_1571 🙏🏻 I've done a lot of inner healing, inner child courses, journalling and forgiving people (one of my sister's and my mother's arguments for not liking me as I choose to forgive our abuser rather than spending my whole life angry and hurt and acting like a victim). 
However I've not done this recently, I think I should do it some more and focused around issues with my mum and sisters now....and my son. I think DS will eventually come back to me, he has his freedom at his dad's house and at 16 I suppose it's what we all wanted. I just have to remember not to take it so personally 😐💗. My family I feel I've lost forever. 
I grieved when cutting cords with other people from the past it's probably why I've not done it with mum, sis, sis and son yet. I don't want to see it as finality 😌♥️.

~~~~~~~

I've had a productive day today. We did some gardening and I moved all my strawberry plants to the larger raised bed. Hopefully they'll flourish there as they didn't produce much fruit in the smaller beds. 
DP cut back the last buddleia and hopefully it will grow back bushier rather than leggy and bendy. 
Also swept lots of the back patio and put it all into the compost, lots of leaves and twigs.
I left the cucumber plants as there are still cucumbers on them!
Tonnes of tomatoes still but mostly green still. Got a bowlful of red ones though.

I made bulk tomato, aubergine, soup to use up the tomatoes and aubergine left in the fridge. That is lunch sorted for a while.
Also cooked some beetroot I had in the fridge we'll eat that with salads. 
I also made a bulk Bolognese mix, we had some this evening and have at least four portions left which I will bulk out with chilli beans or veg and make another two 'mince' dish during the week. 
I'm trying to stretch the food and dinners and think I've got enough to last the week. It might get a bit repetitive 😬 but at least we'll eat. And it's all good stuff rather than chips and pizzas. 

DP has gone overdrawn! He forgot about a DD. Need to send him some money tomorrow when I get child benefit and get him back into the black. This has been a really tough month. Hopefully next one will be better.

DP put up the beam over our chimney breast and cooker it looks really nice 😃 and I've painted the wall now. Kitchen is looking really good. Still need lights and plumbing. Talking of plumbers, dp rang one earlier that we've had out tondo jobs in previous houses, and he's coming to price up taking out the old hob so we can take old kitchen out. I suggested to DP that we maybe get him to price up the whole job of moving water and getting the new wet room ready for shower, sink and loo etc. I just would like the room done now 😒 I know it's not the most economical way of doing it but I do think DP feels it's beyond him although he won't admit it to me. 

I've also had a long while just sat and watching some of my programme and chilling with a colouring in app I have on my phone. I find that quite relaxing and better than scrolling on shopping apps 😉.
DD and DP are out for a driving lesson. I've planned them a route to take not sure whether they will do it but it means they will come across roundabouts, country lanes, traffic lights, hills and A roads as well as train tracks and a few other things i think DD should probably practice with. Hopefully it will go well 🤞🏻.

daisy_1571

Hugs,

Dxx

debtfreewannabe321

Morning all,

DD driving lesson was abandoned half way through the route. They were still out for an hour but she was panicking too much at traffic lights and having people behind her getting impatient. I've not taken her out yet as I don't think I'll cope well with her stroppiness when she is annoyed. 😬 She really needs more lessons fitting in though if she wants to do her test when we've booked it.

DP and I gave up on a movie last night and went to bed we were absolutely shattered. We've been feeling like it all week and have a slight cold. DD too. Hoping this is as bad as it gets. 

I've a late start today so I will work on my vision board for a bit longer. At least lunch is made so no faffing about looking for things to put in a salad today, I've a nice soup to look forward to instead 😁 and I might have a small beetroot salad on the side (because I've a lot of beetroot to get through 😆).

My cashback has paid into my account this morning and it was going to the EF. We're pretty low on money though so I'm not sure whether to keep it in the current account or not. Technically we have enough food to last till pay day and cash for a small top up shop. And I think all the bills have gone out ... I should really put in savings as we've lots to save up for over next few months. 
🤔

debtfreewannabe321

Okay I made a grown up decision to put the CB into my savings figuring I can take it out if absolutely necessary, but if it is there and not earmarked for anything it's likely to get frittered. And we do have some money left for food and diesel for the week. 
I also got confirmation that another £45 had cleared and was ready to pay out so I have sent for that too. This should put me over the £300 EF target! 

debtfreewannabe321

EF is at £289.46...so close to target of £300....
We are waiting to hear back from car garage about whether the next things broken is under warranty or not 🙄if it isn't then I should think the savings will be going straight back out on that.
Spoke to a new lady today at work, she oddly had similar family troubles to me with mother not speaking to her for no reason (or only when they want something from this lady), and a child who also defected to other camp when they reached a certain age. I love how you come across people who are a little further along than you, just when it is needed. 
I had an hour and half lunch today and the main student I am in with today was super upset, she oddly is having same troubles as my DD, so I offered some sage advice and we sat outside class whilst she cried, dried eyes, cried it out some more, then chatted with me about how she could set some boundaries and move on from friends who use and abuse. Hope she listens, she is very sweet but a little too soft in the fact she will drop whatever she is doing for anyone and they never ever do the same for her. I had her last year too and am quite glad about getting her back, feel bad for her though, she is having super bad week, her horse kicked her off yesterday, she is covered in scratches and bruises and cuts then b1ctchy WA messages from class members and now tears today and we are only on Monday

Tomorrow I have a boring day, someone else who has been with the same student said they sit in the room at the back and just read a book I am not sure I dare, but also the student is refusing help, so........ My books are all in my phone though at the moment so not sure it would look the same as sat there with a physical book. 

Dinner tonight is LO curry and rice, all I have to do is re-heat it. DD will eat omelette and chips, she had a strop the last time I served her curry because it stains her braces - she wrote a big note in capital letters and pinned it to the fridge in a very dramatic way which said DO NOT GIVE ***** CURRY (*** is her name she didn't swear haha). DP and I thought it was hilarious but didn't laugh at her lol as she was super upset, gotta love a bit of PMS and stained braces, the two don't mix. 

I am claiming a NSD yay! I stuck to HM soup, beet salad and water. No snacks or money spent. Woop. Will be even happier/ more impressed if I get through the whole week parroting the same every day This September is somehow feeling like a January to me!

debtfreewannabe321

Afternoon all, another nsd. Work was pretty stressful and I was all over the place today covering for people and drying tears. I think another one has handed their notice in today 😳 seriously there will be no one left at this rate. 

DD has booked aqua aerobics and I already had so we will go together, might be a nice de-stresser for me after today's antics 🥴. 

Dinner is tofu, rice and veg I think. Something nice and easy. 
I had some of the soup I made at the end again for lunch with a naan bread. The aubergine in it really adds a nice flavour, I will definitely add that again. 

Not much else to report, oh aside from the fact my new table and chairs are finally ready for delivery - although not until end of first week of October 🤔 I wonder if they are making the chairs and table from scratch. Hmm anyway I guess at least I have a date for them now. Our current table and two chairs is cute but very small and DD can't sit with us at dinner so we end up sitting on the sofa anyway most days 🙈🤣. 

daisy_1571

October is racing towards us !  Won't be long   

D  

greenbee

Your new table and chairs are probably coming from China, by sea. With Red Sea routes closed and capacity in the Suez Canal reduced, last time I looked (admittedly a while ago) shipping was having to go round the Cape of Good Hope, which has increased timelines and costs. 

debtfreewannabe321

greenbee said:

Your new table and chairs are probably coming from China, by sea. With Red Sea routes closed and capacity in the Suez Canal reduced, last time I looked (admittedly a while ago) shipping was having to go round the Cape of Good Hope, which has increased timelines and costs. 

They're coming from Sheffield 🤣 second hand vintage ones ....but I think it would honestly be quicker to come from China I ordered them a month ago lol