Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

debtfreewannabe321

daisy_1571 said:

I think I'm correct in believing you try to take the high ground in your dealings with the children but do they at least understand that what he says is just so much apple sauce?

Dxxx 

I 'try' to yes but on the odd occasion over the years ex has upset me enough that they've heard my rants about him. Including one where DS kept telling me over and over that DP & I live in EXH house. (our last house that Ex had nothing to do with) and eventually I lost my temper with the lies and sat DS down and explained to him exactly whose money had paid for the house and that Ex had nothing to do with it and if anything he had UNDER paid maintenance for years because I was too scared to go to the CMS and ask for them to work it out. DS was grumpy with me after but the next time he came back from ex house he was a little nicer to me, I think he did some of his own poking around and asking questions there and realised, mum is right. So although I try to avoid the every day b1tching that I could happily partake in they all know what he's like. I think DS2 still tries to ignore it a little but as he's getting older he's seeing more and more what ex is like. It's so annoying because I have literally brought these 3 kids up alone. Even when we were together ex and I, he was always away and I did everything on my own for them and gave up having a career etc and yet they so easily believe his lies rather than the one who looked after them, loved them, cared for them daily, it makes me sad and angry at the same time. Hence why I just try to disassociate from being annoyed because it makes me ill 🙈😏. Anyway I had a response finally from ex, 'my car is broken' boohoo 'i can't pay you this month, can I pay you next month'....so last month he couldn't pay because he was paying for a holiday for him and the kids. This month it is because of the car. Next month the NEXT payment is due and he's already late on the last one. He was also late on the deposit too. This one thing sums up our entire marriage and I am so glad I am not the one with him anymore (we can all collectively feel sorry for the new GF instead lol)

slm6002

I'd call his bluff and say you cant afford to pay the next instalment as you have already paid your bit, so can he call the school and explain (give him the telephone number).  He will also need to explain to his Son why he may not go.  Reckon the thought of that may mean he finds the money. Lol I am so mean - it really bugs me that our XH's do not pay their way

Watty1

I'm shaking my head at this story.  Lots of us know "his type" sadly. 

debtfreewannabe321

Too many of his type about sadly - it's why I chose to stay single for so long after we split. 
I'm still mad I can't afford a holiday and yet I manage to pay his half of the ski trip ....and yet he's put a holiday first and then his bills and stuff (had a moan on WA about how poor he is and how his money is all gone- he earns upward of £50k and pays £400 a month rent & his maintenance is £560 and the rest is mostly going on debt apparently , bear this in mind when dishing out sympathy) have run into arrears - he will never change.

...

Anyway I've moved more money around as he paid the maintenance. So my 'yearly pot' is looking ok. It's likely this will be the one that covers my shortfall.

I'd like to put that on him slm, but the school don't even know him..in 26 years of the two of us being parents to DS1,2 and DD he's never ever been to a parent evening or met any staff amongst the schools aside from the odd pick up for seconds at a time. He's effectively useless in this department. And he wouldn't care either I know exactly what his response would be, 'oh well, I never had a ski trip when I was young, he'll live'. That would be it word for word. I sadly know this man too much. It would then be my fault for getting DS hopes up when it wasn't ever a possibility we could easily afford it. I'll be damned if that is happening so I'll bloody pay for it on my own. I think DD driving lessons will be the thing to be forfeited for the payments ☹️ but I will keep pressing on ex. I know eventually he will give me something. He just likes to make me beg for it ☹️ and I won't be too proud if it means DS gets to go. (T**T) 

We have £400 put away for the windows we've decided to add on the extension. I don't want to make the loan any bigger so I'm going to save that separately. That's half the amount I will find the other half next month. 

I will also get the settlement payment for car loan closer to the end of the month and see how much is left of the Isa and then work out what amount we need to borrow from the bank.

We were sat in the dining room yesterday and looking out on the garden, but we have a bay window with thick french doors in the way, and then lots of conservatory windows and we can't actually see a lot so we were sat there thinking how nice it would be to sit in the new extension with the new view and less plastic in the way 🤣😎 we think it will be nice 😁.

Right I'm off to Mr L I have a strict budget of £50 to last us until the weekend which should be easy enough. So I'll make a list and get going. I've already bought a load of things in bulk from Mr River app. And will top up what we have for the next few days. 

Then I have my friend booked in at 11, then I'd like to get some housework done and some gardening. My energy little by little is returning to normal 😊 and I am so grateful 🙏🏼♥️ funny how you aren't grateful for simple things like health and energy until they're taken away. 

Right onwards ....

redofromstart

Hope you have an enjoyably productive day off.

debtfreewannabe321

Thanks Beanie 😊 shopping is done already, mostly fruit, salad, veg and some staple bits like coffee. And I may have accidentally purchased some 'middle aisle deals' 🥴 which may have thrown the budget ever so slightly 😬

Mostly cheap stuff but it still adds up. And a couple of staples like foil, coffee and granola threw the budget too. £70 instead of £50 😏
Oh well.

What I realised is, I want to plant a garden here, I want to make each room homely for us, and I want to make improvements for us. In the last house I hadn't realised from the moment I started Diy and gardening I was thinking, will this help with the house price though if I were to sell 😬 awareness lightbulb moment 💡 in Mr L carpark 🤣. I like this house, area and want to make it a home rather than a project. So for the first time in a long time I was buying seeds which may not grow this year but I thought, it's okay I will enjoy them next year. The last house I didn't want to move to and didn't do anything to the garden apart from basic maintenance and putting in plants I knew I could take back out if I wanted. 🌸🌺🌼.

Anyway I'm on to hanging out my third wash of the day (did one before bed last night so that was hung at 7, put one on then and was done at 8:30 and the next is nearly done.) our washing line is in a sunny part but the sun moves away by 2-3pm so I need to be on the ball with hanging out earlier really. 

So I took another tactic with the money owing. I said to DD I'm sorry but I won't be able to put in any money to your car / driving lessons fund as I think I have to pay for your brother's ski trip alone now.
Why? She asks...Ah your dad's car has broken down. And I've already started paying for DS ski trip so am committed to paying that first really. Your dad has been late with every payment so I think it best if I just stop asking him and pay for that first. I'll save for DL after that. 
All true but kinda played ex own game back on him..I hope he likes this taste of his own medicine. He always does this to me. 
I hate using my children but I knew it would get a result. She's fuming (and it was all true what I said I am using her money) and she's already messaged him and he's responded with '!!!!!! at your mother. I WILL pay her.' and she's told me she will ring him later on and shout at him for me 🙈. I won't hold my breath but I am fed up of him doing as he pleases without the kids knowing any of it. And quite frankly I didn't want to beg any more. 

Ok off to have some lemon water and wander round the garden. I've been looking out for slugs and snails trails and no flowers but touch wood I have had fully intact flowers every day so far. Then off to see friend.

Surveyor is coming over this afternoon so I get to talk to him as well and see about time lines. 

LadyWithAPlan

ExH sounds like an ongoing nightmare - either he needs to learn to budget or he just likes the attention he gets from you by not paying what he owes 
hopefully once kids are grown up you can forget he existed 

KajiKita

The Ex is conclusively demonstrating why he is an Ex! <sigh> and fair enough telling DD why she couldn't have driving lessons. Maybe he will cough up now ....

Yaay for the greenhouse. I love the idea that DP will be able to see what he got with his bonus - that's sweet. Do share lots of pictures?   

I totally hear you about how much investment a garden is worth depending on if you are staying or thinking of selling .... I have started putting in trees and other plants here that won't flower for years, as I know that is where I am staying. I have some buds on my Judas Tree for the first time this spring (3 years after planting a teeny tiny twiglet of a plant) and I have treated myself to some Epimediums as I bought myself some 3 gardens ago but had to leave them behind ...

KK

debtfreewannabe321

The surveyor has been out, and he will come back at some point with the builder to clarify a few things (more for him than us). We have to have a soak away put in right in the middle of the lawn pretty much so I'm glad we've not done too much with that area yet. Hopefully it won't impact on the part of the garden we've started improving.

I'm hoping DP will move my washing line for me before they get going so that I can carry on line drying. 

The surveyor said that more than double applications were put in on the day before all the new prices came into effect so we may have a slight delay with start times but overall we should have the entire thing handed over and done before end of summer. Before it would have been August it would be finished but he didn't want to promise that at the moment...still a possibility though...

I've also asked for a quote on underfloor heating and laminate. We initially got the quote taken off the build but we're having concrete floors in the extension and I think it will be so cold as the room will be huge and drafty. Summer will be okay but that will quickly turn and I don't want to spend a whole winter wishing we'd just done it. So I've asked for a quote and it would be nice to just have it handed over fully done- it would be the extension as well as the room next to it (currently the dining room but will be our new kitchen).

 I'm quite excited by it all 😁 I've never been able to design something like this from scratch before.... hopefully it will all turn out ok! 

I'm going to get a jumper on as it's chilly here and get back into the garden to plant a few things up. Need to call dentist and collect DD at some point too though. Aside from food shopping it has been a NSD so I'll count that as my first one of April 😊 1/15 I will aim for this month I think, considering it's Easter hols and kids are off. 

KeepOnKnitting

Your poor daughter. Have you said when you would be able to afford the lessons for her if her dad doesn't step up? I remember a similar thing as a kid, my parents only being able to afford a thing for me or my brother when they were having a rough time financially. It stuck with me for a good few years that I was passed over in favour of my brother. At least she is old enough to express her disappointment to her dad.