Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

redofromstart

Lots of work going on here. The shed looks so much better in the green, and just screaming out to have climbers on when you are ready. Worth keeping an eye on the '3 for £5' type offers, the Asda clematis I had are racing up.

debtfreewannabe321

Thanks redo! It's actually our garage the one we were going to convert but changed minds on. But I agree I can visualise lots of flowers and vines creeping over it. Will have to have a look and see which ones will flourish in shady spots ☺️.

debtfreewannabe321

Wow look at the time... and I've only just got two minutes to myself 🙈 Sunday is a day of rest ?? Pfft 😆

I've already done a round trip picking up DD friend for a sleepover and collected DS friend as they are in the same town. DP has done the weekly food shop. I watered all newly planted plants. 

The kids going to their dad's house has been changed a million times since yesterday and ex was playing one child off another.
DD needs to come home Thurs eve or fFriday morning because of her interview. This is earlier than we'd originally planned as they were coming home on Saturday or Sunday.

Ex was fuming. I knew he would be and as I predicted to DD and tried to in a round about way warn her of by saying please speak to dad at same time as DS in the room when you tell him you need to come home early...she didn't heed advice and as I thought he spoke to her and then rang DS immediately before DD had had a chance to speak to DS herself and I could hear ex on the phone blaming DS week being changed and chopped up BECAUSE of DD. It's her fault blame her not me was what I heard. Unbelievable. Basically DD then tried to change the week to a week later but again she didn't consult DS and DS has plans here next week so he was angry and frustrated. 😐

Anyway ex rand DS again blaming her but this is where it stopped .... DS stuck up for DD and said it's not her fault she was trying to get a job and the only day for Interview is Friday. Well done DS. That shut ex up for a bit. So he's said to them both he will see what he can do about getting them home....he's already threatened the train which is way more than diesel (that was his excuse...no money not wasting my time for two days less with you) just to be awkward and punish them. I'm not happy with them travelling through London when they don't know it at all. Especially with changes (3 of them!) I can see this ending with me driving all the way to his house on Thur or Fri to collect her. I'll be fuming if this is how it goes. But I'm too tired to argue with ex, he will argue the toss until he gets his own way which was he wants them from tomorrow until sat/sun and funny enough he was never set on a day coming back as he likes to see how fed up he is with them or how poor he is so we all have to bend to him. But he cannot for them. 
So kids are still going tomorrow. For now. I'm exhausted from all the arguing and mind games. 

DS has also signed up for running 100miles for cancer research in April so set off yesterday on a run and today. He's done 11 miles already I think and has a t shirt to wear and a page set up for donations. I was very proud of him 😊 as he's set it all up on his own. And it's for his step mum who passed....so I donated £15. I also bought £15 worth of car cleaning bits for him as him and his friend are having fun making a few quid. He's already been shouted and told to get lost by a few people though ☹️ I thought it was great he'd got off his computer and was trying to make a few quid. He's paid me back by cleaning our car inside and out. And he's seeming much happier this week than last ( I found out he'd broken up with his girlfriend). So even if he doesn't make much and DP and I have spent more money than they've made on setting them up I don't care as he's getting outside and he's happy. He's done a few already and people have let him take pics of their cars to share on SM. Very proud of both of them this week ☺️.
If only ex would get lost now for good I'd be happy as would the kids because neither actually want to go. They've been guilt tripped into it. 

Anyhow moving on swiftly.
DP has finished the beds they're painted and sunk into the ground. It's all started to come together outside now. It's still very windy here though and cold even though it's sunny. Not great weather for gardening all day as I get too cold and can't warm up again. 

I've also had a refund from m00npig the card I ordered a few weeks back was 10 days late when I paid for next day delivery 😠 so I asked for my money back. 

Pizzas for dinner for the kids and DP and I will have risotto I think. 

Next month I need to budget for DS ski trip, the whole amount as I can't be bothered with the arguments. DS knows the score though and already his dad gave excuses of car DS wasn't buying it. Ex car always magically breaks down during the holidays and never any other time....

Right I need a drink and will finish some gardening.

beanielou

TBH I am just amazed that your kids still want to see their dad when he plays all his mind games. 

debtfreewannabe321

beanielou said:

TBH I am just amazed that your kids still want to see their dad when he plays all his mind games. 

Me too, me too.... 🤦🏻‍♀️
DD did actually say half way through the back and forth with him - I'm not going it isn't worth the arguments. He did what he used to do with me when he was 'disappointed in me' or annoyed with me ...he stopped talking to her. And left her on read. She was livid 🤣 I was thinking wow, imagine how I felt when I shared a bed with him, a life with him, and he wouldn't utter a word to me for weeks on end as punishment. I used to walk on egg shells wondering what I'd done wrong. I'm so glad DD just went nah not coming now and he then had to bend to her ...a little more karma dished out for him 😁.

debtfreewannabe321

Good morning all,
Frost on the ground again today. 🥶 Very chilly here still overnight.

Sun is shining now though which is nice. I have a busy day today and nothing planned in the garden. I'm meeting a friend in a few hours for a lunch date 🌹 haven't properly seen her since before Christmas as I was ill, then she was ill, then it was my birthday in between that and we both went to the theatre but between us we had four kids and a partner so didn't have a proper natter. So looking forward to it. 
Then I need to rush home and take kids to their dad's (well half way) by 4 pm. However if I'm late, I'm late and I don't care particularly not after his playing games with the kids. The thing is I never say anything to him any more because he will argue black is blue till the cows come home and I get all caught up in the word games he plays and end up a stuttering angry mess which he loves. I can't do it anymore to myself. And as much as I want to stand up for the kids I've given them the tools to do it themselves now. They don't immediately go into fight or freeze mode as he does this and I do which is no good. My reactions feed his soul. I believe literally. Anyhow I shall make that as brief a meeting as I possibly can and pray the children aren't subject to punishment because they dared to want to change the date of return. Every time he does this to them though the less and less they want to return....so 🤷🏻‍♀️.

DS smashed his initial target for cancer research so now he just has to do the run. He has done 1/10th of it so far and has plenty of days left. I told him to wait till he's at his dad's house and Dad can safely take him on longer runs with him. That way I know I won't find him 6/7 miles from home up a dark country lane with nothing around 🤦🏻‍♀️ (I'm still a bit upset by that one of you can't tell!)

Dinner not sure of yet, we've got fridge and freezer full though so whatever we fancy when I'm back... probably something quick tonight as I won't be back home till gone 5. 

I'd like a nice quiet day tomorrow and preferably in the garden so will check the weather forecast. 
My friend that I was going to see next week is insisting on coming over today to collect her coat and drop off some cardboard. I tried to tell her I won't really be in but I'm not sure if she believed me 🤔 DP is in though so she can do those things. I think she's very lonely at the moment and still grieving her late husband ☹️ so I am trying to be there for her as much as possible but I've got kids who always seem to need my attention (as taxi driver, chef and other ways to make me busy) ...I will fit her in though as she needs a friend ♥️. 

Hopefully a NSD as I have vouchers for the pizza (from Mr T changed over to pizza Express vouchers) but I'll see....

debtfreewannabe321

Lovely lunch with friend 😁 I had a gf Vg pizza which was really nice and had vouchers ready to pay. I went to the loo and friend paid before I'd got back 🤦🏻‍♀️ so I wasn't too happy as was supposed to be my treat (a Mr T treat but hey ho). She refused to let me give her money so we had a cocktail instead on me. And another drink. 

I was allowed cocktail because half way through my lunch my phone went crazy pinging every two seconds from DS, DD, DP. Ex had decided to collect from my house?! Even though he'd refused to even drive the other day. 🤦🏻‍♀️ DD had refused to go. DS was asking when I was back. Grrr. So annoying I switched it off after a bit. So by the time I got home DS was being collected and ex turned up in new ish BMW after pleading poverty Because his last car (nice jag) had cost too much to fix. I wanted to say why didn't you just buy something cheap to fix then but no he's gone with another expensive to fix car. He'll never learn. 🤦🏻‍♀️.
Anyway I didn't have to drive 👌🏻 DS has gone, DD has stayed. No time for just me this week then but never mind....
I'm now out in the garden and enjoying the heat without the horrible winds we've had the last couple of days. 
Not a NSD. I bought a few bits in the CS and also some bird food and a new feeder and cocktails and drinks 😁 only spent about £30 though so didn't break the bank.

I've also made a Dr appt I think I was a little deluded thinking I'd be able to get an appointment this holiday 🙄🤣 two weeks I will have to wait. I will ask for another prescription of what I already have I think so that I'm not taking a break or stopping the tablets suddenly either (not nice withdrawal symptoms apparently?) but will ask to be swapped to HRT at that appt. 

I made sure to talk to ex. Said we are paying for braces and skiing and driving and everything else they need to day to day and basically his maintenance doesn't touch these costs. So he's promised once again some money next month. This time in front of the kids too so he can't squirm out of this one. Well that's not true but it won't be a case of I didn't say that mum's making it up because they heard it. 

On to the garden, I'm going to plant some ferns this afternoon. The variety I bought can get to 80x80cm. So that's good as I've a lot of empty bed space at the moment. The mint bed is planted up in pots Inside the raised bed so it matches. However I've now got to figure out how to fill bed with compost without wasting compost because I only need it to cover the top inch or so to make it seem like the pots aren't there and the mint is actually in the bigger bed around it. If that makes sense. So I need to figure out how to do that. Probably use some rubble sacks and cut around them I think. But there might be another option. I've already filled the bottom with wood but there is lots of holes I don't want to waste compost in. 

Right best crack on as it will be dinner times soon..

Watty1

Just caught up and feel proud of your DD for stepping outside the game and leaving him on read.  Am amazed that with all his drama they still go.    A friend of mine's daughter suddenly announced to her dad she wouldn't be seeing him regularly anymore as the drama was to much for the entire house she lived in but if he would like to pop round and take her out for a coffee from time to time that would be most acceptable.    Her mother was stunned.   Her father floored.  The girl is 15.    What an amazing woman she will grow up to be.

debtfreewannabe321

That's amazing @Watty1 👏🏻 these kids are so much wiser than I was at that age! My DD called her dad out for gaslighting her. He said to her, oh I suppose you heard that one from your mother? She said she'd learned it at school and recognised his behaviour in the learning ..... She also knows when he's emotionally blackmailing her and won't have any of it. Just DS to get to wise up to it now 👏🏻....
I can't see DD going many more times before she says no thank you... problem is he lives in Essex us way up in the East Midlands and it's about 160 miles or something from one to the other. Otherwise I'd love to say just collect them for dinner rather than long stays. But it's just not worth it for that. 

~FlowerPot~

I'm pleased for you  (and her obviously) that your daughter calls him out and can see what he's doing. You must be so pleased to be out of that relationship everyone some more sh*t happens!!
At least now it won't be too long until they are adults and can sort out any arrangements between themselves if your kids still want to have any relationship. And then you won't have to have anything to do with him.
Enjoy you day, it's another sunny one here