Watty's Awakening

daisy_1571

Seconding how good the gentle art programme is.  Often the most interesting sentences are just gently dropped in with no fanfare but can be quite profound.   I've kept it to watch again once olympics is over

Watty1

Planning on watching the Gentle Art.   Your comments reminded me of something a life coach once said to me along the lines of my wardrobe should reflect the life I want not the life I had and to use the clothes to become who I wanted to be.   I saw her when my relationship was clearly failing and I think looking back she had a point although many of the clothes have been donated or sold now as I gained so much weight (the stress of his games caused me to loose a lot

Yesterday the agricultural chap finished the second stage of the jobs I have for him.  This was the job he didn't quote for properly as he didn't know how much work there would be and it has taken two days. I will need to check messages because he did give me an hourly rate.  Eight ton bags full of logs have been chopped and now stored in the wood store.  There are probably another two tons scraped into the bonfire pile that I would have chopped but perhaps he did not think it economic to do that and the area has been cleared.

I realised last night while just sitting and looking at it that I am really happy that the wood piles are gone. The ex used to collect scrap wood from the local timber yard and chop it with his pal to burn over the winter.  It saved us a lot on gas but those days are past.   One of the ex's final things was to turn up and remove anything that was decent enough to burn. He and a mate loaded it into a van.  Probably three years worth went that day and I was left with a mess.   As I sat looking at the cleared space I realised it was another step to removing him from my life and turning the place back into my home.  Phew.    

I hadn't realised that would be an emotional clearing but it was. So even though I am on a rest and reset time there is still some clearing and healing happening.

Cherryfudge

That's a lot of wood in your store! I imagine the existence of the empty space is freeing, a sort of blank canvas for you to draw on. Do you have plans to put something new there, or are you still waiting for inspiration? Once you replace the wood with something you choose, it will be a further stage in making it yours.

greenbee

It's well worth paying people to do these things Watty. I recently got my regular gardener/handyman (and I'm well aware how lucky I am to have him!) to chop all the remaining branches of the shrubs we had grubbed out, and I now have a stack of wood by the compost bins for either the wood burner or firepit (firepit is currently getting all the rotten odds and ends, so clearing those out while being enjoyable). He'd already shredded the smaller bits, and most of those shreddings have been used in compost or on paths in the veg plot. Not only does it tidy the place up, but you get the benefit of not paying for it to be removed and paying for logs - so overall probably a considerable saving. While some of the stuff that's in the bonfire pile you might have chopped up, you have quite a lot of wood - how about having some friends over and making the bonfire a feature (giant BBQ?) rather than a chore?

Debsnewbudget

Its a shame you don't have any of ex' clothes left or you could make a guy .....
Fire is a great cleanser, so if you do have anything left of his then a ceremonial burning is in order !
I set fire to all the love letters and cards mine had sent me !

savingholmes

Glad that you are resolving what you can 

LadyWithAPlan

Debsnewbudget said:

Its a shame you don't have any of ex' clothes left or you could make a guy .....
Fire is a great cleanser, so if you do have anything left of his then a ceremonial burning is in order !
I set fire to all the love letters and cards mine had sent me !

LOVING this 👍

The more I hear about all these ‘cuts’ the ex gave you the more pleased I am he is in your rear view mirror - you deserve to be treated with love, fairness and  kindness - it sounds like his nature was very grasping. 

Well done on the 2.5m EF!

Watty1

Thank you all for the support. I haven't been here for a couple of days as focusing on work stuff (more of that later).  I do not have any of his clothes but if I clear the filing drawers there are probably papers that can go and that would be symbolic. As I decorated I moved a lot of stuff to the bin.   The bonfire will be a symbolic burning whatever I put on it  (it is now so big "the man" has suggested we turn into  a few smaller ones).

The cleared space is to be returned to field.  In a week or so we will spray off the weeds that were cut down but should have sprouted.   The ash from the fire and the dead weds will then be harrowed into the soil and the whole re-seeded.  It is a lot of work for a space that is maybe 150 metres by 100 metres but once returned to field the horses can graze there and if I get planning permission the area will become my garden.  (I'm waiting on seeing how this government influence planning policy).  I say garden, the intention is to have a small paved place but the horses will be free to come right up to the house.  Planting and pretty stuff will be at the front, this will be in front of the glass doors in the bedroom.  See I have it all planned, just need the law to allow it.

My mood is still very up and down so very little really being done and if it were not for the agric man nothing would be done.  The VNM has kindly removed some of the metal rubbish to the metal bins where he works and i just concentrate on work, sleep and animal care.  Slowly slowly I will get better.

Cherryfudge

I love the thought of the horses being able to come up to the house!

How's CC now he's persuaded you to let him out?

WelshmansDaughter

I read a book recently you might find interesting, it’s called Recovery, the lost art of convalescence. 

It’s a good reminder that we are human and not to get caught up in thinking we have to keep going or be productive all the time