Watty's Awakening

Watty1

In goal news I think I am there with the course stuff. I've just sent what I think are the final bits to my PA to get the course live.  I hope so as these were really hard to do, especially writing a biography for me.  I felt such a fraud writing it all up but it is true just was a bit of a leap to write it up in the best possible way.

So assuming now that can go live i need to work on my next life step.  I really want the house the garden and the yard sorted out and I know these are really big jobs so I need a three month plan (which will probably slip to six months).

I've started by writing a list of everything that needs to happen to finish off these things, some small, some large and i will see how this goes.

beanielou

You are on fire. Go girl. 

Watty1

Not sure about that @beanielou but I am trying hard to sort out my life and finances.  Another no show from someone who was to quote on the garden paths leading me to conclude there just must be so much work out there that people can do what they feel like and do what comes in when it does and ignore the rest.  Cannot sleep so researching how to do that job myself (between catching up on here)

Took Charming Cob for his first walk since injections and am seriously wondering how i am going to manage him as he was so full of himself.   Nice to see him feeling bright but all that pent up energy was a little scary. He had his 5 min walk then I let him wander around the garden eating the grass for a while.   I am going to call the vet for a sedative for the walks because he is so full of pent up energy that I'm not sure we will keep the walking up for a fortnight as advised.

More decluttering in one of the rooms to be decorated at the 'end of August' and now have a pile of books to donate and a few to return that I borrowed ages ago.  A few more clothes put aside to be Vinted or donate.   The better ones should really be Vinted as I need to refill some savings.

Watty1

Collected sedative yesterday afternoon so i have it in case needed then spent a lovely afternoon pottering around on the yard, gave Charming Cob a bath and started clearing in the feed room and throwing a few things away.

Have collected up a pile of horse stuff that has not been used in years and that I have been keeping "in case it might come in useful" but an honest assessment of this is that the double bridle looks wonderful on Most Handsome and although he may never wear it I will keep it, then there are four bridles one of which needs returning to the person it was borrowed from and the other three only fit Most Handsome who has no need for multiple bridles and then the rest of the tack "spares" needs a serious sort through.  I admit I have actually bought things because I could not find the one I had so now I have spares.  There are multiple bits, some of which I do not even remember using on any horse, lots of rugs (when I needed rugs for Charming Cob after his surgery I had to go and buy them because I had nothing suitable or that fitted) so those need a sort out and so the list goes on.  I have fallen into keeping "stuff" because there is space but the space is now overwhelmed!  Yesterday during bath time I sorted all the shampoos and related into one bucket (too embarrassing to admit how many bottles of opened "product" there were) and all the sun screens and fly repellents into another.  

To the delight of Most Handsome and the Baby Fell I used insect repellent on them both and then watched as flies landed on them 5 mins later.  I think that product is useless.  If I could remember which one it was I would throw it away

Slinky

Watty1 said:

To the delight of Most Handsome and the Baby Fell I used insect repellent on them both and then watched as flies landed on them 5 mins later.  I think that product is useless.  If I could remember which one it was I would throw it away

Do these things have use by dates on them? Have the fly sprays gone out of date?

savingholmes

beanielou said:

You are on fire. Go girl. 

Agreed

It does sound like counselling could be useful.

LOL at the product not working... I have been through similar experiences with pet products.

Watty1

it had to happen I suppose.  It seems like more trauma working its way out. Sunday my mood just crashed and I sat around crying for much of the day and promised myself it would all be better by Monday but no, that was just a repeat of Sunday.

There wasn't really a trigger but I just seemed to tumble into a black hole.   Made a little bit of an effort finally yesterday evening and rang a girlfriend for a gossip.  A couple of hours on the phone and good night hug with each animal and bed for some much needed sleep.   I have been sleeping really badly for the last few days so I am hoping sleep means today will be better.

All plans on hold now until the black cloud passes.   I think I have just tried so hard to hold everything together and rebuild my life and right now I feel I can't move anything forwards.  Even making a cup of tea is an effort.  (Tried to call GP today but no appointments available).

Cherryfudge

Sending some virtual hugs your way, Watty, it sounds as though you need them today. This will pass. As you say, it's probably working through trauma and your ex trying to wrangle a meeting the other week won't have helped, though you coped with it magnificently.

Talking to a friend was a good move. If no GP appointments come available, you could ring the Samaritans or perhaps book privately with a counsellor? Even writing it out for yourself may help get rid of whatever it is.

WelshmansDaughter

It sounds like you are still experiencing fight or flight mode. I’ve read this diary from the start and you seem to be having highs and lows which is only to be expected. Even though the situation is now gone the brain doesn’t know what to do with itself. 

A counsellor specialising in trauma may help.
You aren’t experiencing these things every day which suggests they are feelings you need to feel to help you move on.

debtfreewannabe321

Sending some virtual hugs Watty ❤️