From Frugal Foundations to Fortified Family Future

Staffordia

You mentioned climbing castles and being outside in nature. Despite my father dying when I was 24, his love of history was passed on and remains with me wherever I go. I'm sure LG will remember things you have done and will do for years to come. 

Greying_Pilgrim

Grumplestiltskin - I am so old I understood every word you said...... Although I didn't put 6d in the Christmas Pudding on account of it may be microwaved at some point.......  There is an element of 'on the never never' isn't there - always has been.  But perhaps different priorities for spending too. 

Staffordia - That's memory-making twice over though, isn't it?  Making the memories with someone in the first place, and then 40 years later, standing on top of a mountain, a castle, or in the middle of a forest, thinking 'X would have loved this.....'.  

LG seems to have had another 'ok-ish' day at school.  Will definitely take that as a win, and talk in positive terms about it to them 😁

I got the washing in before I went out on the school run.  I have now put it all in front of the dehu, but overall I am thrilled with how well it dried today.  Not everything was bone dry, but the first load was dry - but a bit cold, probably can be folded and put away with an airing.  The second load wasn't far off the first load, except for a couple of tops, which were pretty dry, apart from the collars - but thats quite normal, and the collars usually are the last to dry.  I expect them to be 'dry enough' after a couple of hours in front of the dehu.  

I am going to rustle up a curry for tea.  I am thinking potato and pea, and I'll have a rootle through the freezer to see if there is any lentil dhal - pretty sure there is.  I shall probably cook a 'portion' of rice - I could do a batch, but think I will opt for just a portion.  

Greying X

EssexHebridean

Going back to your post of yesterday, I was reminded about an incident from when I was little. When I was probably about 8 or 9, maybe a fraction older but not much, I had a pal along the road who always had the latest of everything. one christmas I recall she was given a new record player AND a new TV, and wasn't shy about telling everyone about it, including making the suggestion that she'd got those things because her Mum and Dad REALLY LOVED HER - with the inference being of course that OUR Mums and Dads didn't love us as much. She was a couple of years older than I was at the time, so probably old enough to know better. When after visiting her home after school one day in the new year I voiced this at home, mostly through a feeling of uncertainty I suspect, Mum sat me down and gently reminded me that J's parents were divorced (which I knew) and although nominally she had "two homes" in actual fact she lived pretty much 99% of the time with her Dad, and rarely saw her Mum at all. Mum asked whether by any chance only one of these expensive presents was visible in J's bedroom, and I confirmed that yes, the record player was there but the TV was apparently at "her other house". Mum reminded me that things had been really tough for J during the divorce and that she had repeatedly told me that she really missed her Mum, and that sometimes presents were bought for people not through love, but through guilt. She also reminded me that it would be hurtful to tell J that - and that the kindest thing to do would be to just remember that to myself, and just smile and change the subject if J brought things like that up again. Mum trusted that if things were phrased to me like that, I would have the emotional maturity to understand, and not then use the information to "score points" - probably quite a brave gamble, but it may be that the same is true of LG from what you've said. 

Greying_Pilgrim

EH - I certainly would hope that LG has that level of emotional maturity, but I also know that sometimes things are 'just blurted out' - not in anger, or frustration, something triggers a thought, and ........ stuff slips out.

The stupid thing is, in lots of ways LG isn't perhaps bothered about 'the record player, AND the TV, AND the walkman' (to build on the example you gave), I think LG unravels when the child then goes on to say "Why haven't YOU got a record player/TV/walkman LG?" and whatever reason/excuse LG comes up with, is then further picked over, or 'passed to the group' and you've suddenly got 6 kids saying "LG how come you didn't get a ...... for Christmas?".  

LG went round a chum's house at the weekend, and they were allowed to play some game or other (a computery type thing), and loved it.  They came home and told us (excitedly) their position/score/points - you know, and they had had a lovely time.  The chum was very kind letting them play with the equipment, of course.  And perhaps if LG had all the things too, they could play in tandem, or online, or remotely (I know - I don't really know what I'm talking about do I?) but I wonder if something of the excitement of playing would somehow be lost along the way.  The other child does get quite alot of 'things', but their parent is always the one that comments on LG's manners and good behaviour whenever they visit.  

Greying X

Cheery_Daff

I reckon LG will turn out alright 😊 Think of us lot and our varying experiences as children! My parents divorced when I was 3, no fighting that I remember thank goodness, and my mum (heaven knows how) never spoke a bad word to us about my dad, and let us make our own minds up. My parents were only 21 when they had me, so divorced by 24 (what on earth was I doing at 24?? Not raising 2 toddlers by myself, that's for sure! 😱) We were loved and cared for, but certainly never had the latest things, and had one caravan holiday a year to the same place less than an hour away. 

Me and my sister are very different, different attitudes to money. I was very cautious - as the oldest I'd seen my mum worrying about the shopping bills and trying to get things to add up. She ran up store card debt early on,and is still willing to spend more than me. She had her own kids relatively young, I didn't have any at all. 

But guess what? We are both fully rounded, functioning good people 😊 as most of us round here are. You are absolutely trying your best - and by trying that means you will very likely also raise a well rounded functioning good person. Yes, there will be things you could do differently (my sporty friends are raising excellently sporty children who may never learn an instrument, and my musical friends are raising excellently musical children who may never be that into exercise, and some of my friends are raising good, nice kids who spend a lot of time indoors playing video games). But they'll likely all turn out pretty much ok 😊

Good manners and lovely behaviour will get them very far in life!

Humdinger1

@Greying_Pilgrim you are an utter inspiration!  When DD started school, there was one family who had an only child, a boy.  He went to a childminder who dropped him at school, then back there after school so the parents could work till late at night.  In the end, the parents decided to send him to boarding school as he'd have a better quality of life.  Did I mention that they were mortgage-free?  I cried when I heard that.  You are making a huge difference to the world, now and later.   Love Humdinger xx 

Greying_Pilgrim

Good Morning MFW'rs

Gosh Humdinger - the first part of that post reminds me of a child who attends LG's school, although perhaps without the "happy" ending of attending boarding school, and the family having a home that is bought and paid for, that they can all be and live together during holiday times and exeats........... 🫤 I am happy with our 'lot'.

Currently a damp start with us.  We will see what the day brings.  

The over-bearing child, of the over-bearing local family is rearing large in LG's school life again 🫤 Teacher sanctioned 🫤 Not too sure how we're going to play this one.  Do we take the hit of LG's learning being impacted for a few weeks, or do we say something. Rhetorical questions.  Just thinking out loud to myself.

School is on today.  Club has been cancelled.  So we're all 'in for tea'.  I will have to sort something that we all can eat, and at least I don't (necessarily) have to conjour up something 'quick & easy' - unless I want to.  

I need to fix some snap.  And I will today, need to sort out the phone bill to the 'old' supplier - I fear it won't be the final one.  How dare companies still be able to charge 30 days 'extra' when you've come to the end of the contract - it doesn't work like that if you choose not to renew your house or car insurance, blo0dy cash gouging.  The shower seal has apparently been despatched, but by RM48hr, so I won't hold my breath it will be with us all that soon - particularly with current weather predictions.  

I am up-to-date with clothes washing (phew!), and can put the stuff away off the airer today.  

Although I am not currently diving down the back of the sofa to find pennies to 'Tilly-Tidy' OP's, I am (trying) to install a financial 'discipline' -  for want of a better word to keep to the budgets I do have, and fill the pots that I want to this year, so that we can have the 'lifestyle' things whilst we live in this house - if that makes sense.  

I love reading other people's posts - whether they are all about 'how' to pay off the mortgage, or attain FIRE, or any mix of those options, with kids, without kids, with travel, without travel - we're all different 👍😁 Our plans changed when LG came on the scene, but there could still be options, albeit DH couldn't retire tomorrow 🫤 But we're keeping one eye (no pun intended) on things like 'changing driving laws' for the over 70's etc.  Not an immediate factor in our planning, but longer term that might a difference in whether we could support LG if they moved away from here - got a job elsewhere/went to Uni/Joined the armed forces/worked in a different country (airport drops).  Just musing - not come up with any concrete notions, although DH sorted out (?) his pensions paperwork at the weekend.  The pots aren't huge, and he has a couple of frozen ones that his previous employer forced him into when they were scratting about for financil backing 🙄  I'm sure one is charging ridiculous fees to administer, so is diminishing every year, rather than appreciating 🫤

Greying X

lucielle

We had a look at our pensions last year. It’s not something we’re very clued up on. However we did look at the fees which were astronomical for the paltry amount that was in there. Oh did move one into his current one. Hoping he did the right thing, the fees were a lot less. 

L

Greying_Pilgrim

lucielle - that is probably what DH should do, although paperwork isn't his forte, and I'm not sure how easy it would actually be to do online/over the phone etc.  But they are 'paltry' amounts - it was just the firms contributions, DH managed to opt out, as he already had a (rubbish) private pension.  But the firms went on to open two or three more of these daft schemes.  It was as if banks would only take on the company business if they got the pension business too.  I think DH managed to get out of one before it even started in the end, and then he left the company.  I realise that there are reasons for not having 'all your eggs in one basket', but in this instance, I don't think the 'add-ins' would even "swell" (ha!) DH's main private pension by 10% ☹️We're not going to have a 'rosy glow' pension, and the way everything is now falling into tax brackets the minute you hit double-figures, I think things will only get worse.  I shall have to become an 'Ace' at the MrA supermarket, and work until I'm 100! 🤣

Edit - in other financial news, I've just opened an email from my energy company informing me that they're whacking my DD up £20 "because you've got to be in credit to their specified amount" by March 2026 🙄I've tried to alter it back to what it was - no dice, but I have managed to get it to only go up by £5pm.  How bl00dy dare these companies - how come they get to decide to take £20 extra per month out of your account?  How do they know if you can afford it?  What it other firms all decided to up your bills by £20/£30/some arbitary figure?  Dear companies - where is the money supposed to materialise from?  Moan over 😉

Greying X

EssexHebridean

Greying_Pilgrim said:

EH - I certainly would hope that LG has that level of emotional maturity, but I also know that sometimes things are 'just blurted out' - not in anger, or frustration, something triggers a thought, and ........ stuff slips out.

The stupid thing is, in lots of ways LG isn't perhaps bothered about 'the record player, AND the TV, AND the walkman' (to build on the example you gave), I think LG unravels when the child then goes on to say "Why haven't YOU got a record player/TV/walkman LG?" and whatever reason/excuse LG comes up with, is then further picked over, or 'passed to the group' and you've suddenly got 6 kids saying "LG how come you didn't get a ...... for Christmas?".  

LG went round a chum's house at the weekend, and they were allowed to play some game or other (a computery type thing), and loved it.  They came home and told us (excitedly) their position/score/points - you know, and they had had a lovely time.  The chum was very kind letting them play with the equipment, of course.  And perhaps if LG had all the things too, they could play in tandem, or online, or remotely (I know - I don't really know what I'm talking about do I?) but I wonder if something of the excitement of playing would somehow be lost along the way.  The other child does get quite alot of 'things', but their parent is always the one that comments on LG's manners and good behaviour whenever they visit.  

Greying X

That's exactly it - it breeds a competitive situation where it is all about the "stuff" - and some of the things people are claiming to have had may not even be the whole story - maybe the X, Y or Z was actually second hand from a charity shop, or passed down from a sibling, but of course there is selective editing practised. Peer pressure is huge, and kids can be very scathing if they see someone as "less than" - and of course they don't yet have the nuance to be able to see the bigger picture do they. It's never really the items themselves I don't think - it's how they are flaunted. 

What Cheery said on this - yes, absolutely. A solid base breeds a solid person - LG will be fine. 

The issue of overbearing child is tricky isn't it. If the impact WILL just be for a few weeks, you know that others will not be brave enough to speak up (or aren't being affected) and the "path of least resistance" therefore is to keep your heads down and let it blow over, then that is probably the approach - LG is clearly a bright spark and a couple of weeks impact on learning will be quickly caught up with. If it is in any way a bullying issue though, or the affects will be longer lasting, then I'm not sure you have a choice around speaking up, do you.