From Frugal Foundations to Fortified Family Future

Greying_Pilgrim

Good evening MFW'rs

Fortune - the 'adult' is thankfully no longer a TA at the school.  The other kiddo won't be 'bested' at anything, and has enough 'confidence' to make snarky comments, loudly 🙄 

We had a card today from a relative.  It was so nice to hear from them.  My goodness, they have faced struggles - and they are still under pressure, and yet they took time to write a note, and thought about us.  That just means so much to me.

I made soup for tea, and there is leftover sponge for pud.  The soup was chosen specifically because it would use up a chunk of the Christmas swede - although technically the soup was made originally with turnip.  Lemony lentil turnip soup has much to be recommended to it.  I blitzed it up into a smooth soup tonight, but we have also had it as a 'chunky' soup too.  Either way is good 😁  There is a bit of soup base left, and part of the can of coconut milk - they will be frozen for other days/recipes.

I'm pleased to report that LG had a 'good' day today.  i'm hopeful we can build up a bit of a run of good days, but there's no guarantees.  

Today has been a NSD (no plans to spend anyway), and I've managed to use up a good chunk of one of the swedes and we've finished off the pudding from yesterday.  

Greying X

Greying_Pilgrim

I forgot to add.  In some ways, I'm not doing very well with food purchases.  Following the mouldy mozzarella on Christmas Eve, I went to open a jar of garlic paste this afternoon, and found that the garlic had appeared to have seeped through the seal of the jar (it was plastic topped, and the plastic jar had a seal on it - much like plastic milk cartons are double-sealed), and I couldn't be sure that say for example, air could have got in.  Whilst it smelt like 'jar-lic', I didn't dare risk it.  Annoyingly it was a purchase from MrM in the cosmopolitan town across the way, before Christmas.  A big jar - I think it was between £2 and £3, 1ndus brand.  It's gone in the bin.  

Greying X

thriftmonster

Greying, I don't often post but I really wanted to say I think you're doing a great job. Ds1 and ds2 are 30 and 26 now but we also fought against the start of social media, phones, gadgets etc. What they remember now are the outdoor "adventures", camping, cooking together etc. They are also both ninja level yellow sticker cooks which has stood them both in good stead -from watching me and from being encouraged at home. You may feel you can't win -but time will validate you in the end

Staffordia

For what it's worth, this random Internet stranger thinks you are doing a fine job with LG. I remember the things we did as a family 40/50 years ago and still appreciate the love and care I received from my parents. 

Greying_Pilgrim

Good Morning MFW'rs

I decided to go shopping today. Technically speaking, I think we are under a weather alert for tomorrow, but there seems to be a discrepancy as to what 'weather' we will actually receive.  And whilst we have most of everything that we need, there were several 'stock' items needed, and I just thought I would go today.  

I wish I hadn't.

If I say I very nearly walked out of MrS, leaving my trolley mid-shop.....  MrS is a rubbish shopping emporium, I was blessed that a very kind member of staff helped me (immensely), and I regret that I didn't get their name (don't think they had a name badge on), as I should have complimented them (to management) in-store or online.  Anyhoo.  MrS is in the balance as to whether i continue to shop there, so today's experience has just added to the 'negatives' pile.  It remains to be seen whether the carrots I bought today are any good.  They at the Stam.st ones, and I wondered why a boxful were YS'd..... they were black with mould 🤢 so it remains to be seen whether my full-price bag will be OK (I do unbag them, so they should at least stop sweating......).  I spent nearly £20 in MrS today.  I did go to hB, but they hadn't got any yoghurt in, so I left there empty handed.  

I then went on to MrL.  I got all the bits I needed in there - and did spring for a bag of sweet potatoes for 89p.  You can tell it's January if there are sweet potatoes in the pOtw..... Just over £17 for..... very, very little 😬  Total shop today is £36.39 - which seems an awful lot of money for what was in effect a 'top up' shop.  

I have got a line full of washing out today.  I put out one load before I went shopping and was pleasantly surprised as to how well they'd started drying by the time I got back.  Everything is out now, and as we're supposed to have sunshine and breeze until mid-afternoon, I'm hopeful that I can get back on track and up-to-date.  If we get iced in, at least we'll all have clean underwear! 🤣

Thriftmonster - I always find it motivating hearing from parents who've 'navigated' life with kids, and got out the otherside, having deposited some fine, upstanding young people into the world, so thank you for commenting.  I do sometimes laugh when LG will proudly announce that they found X, Y or Z YS'd (usually if I've sent them with DH to pick up something), or they looked for the tin of beans (or whatever), but right next to it there was an XXL version, for 'only 7p more, so we got the better value one instead, mum....'   But for much of the time, LG is relatively content - I mean, if you gave them an eye-paddy and a smartly phone, and an electronic scooter, they wouldn't refuse them..... but when it comes to school, their peers seem to whang on, and on about "stuff".  I don't think it's changed so much - it was ever the case, but I do think what has changed is that more children have more things at a younger age, and I think they don't necessarily have the emotional maturity to realise what they've been given, and instead waste their time mocking those that don't have the same stuff.  My goal is get LG to be as 'rounded' as they can be - by exposing them to; cooking, history, art, nature, sports, books, films, conversation, crafts etc etc etc.  They don't need to be good at anything, they don't have to excel at anything, but I would like them to at least see how rich and multi-faceted our wonderful world is.  And yes, technology can add to those experiences (of course it can), but sometimes it's the 'hands on, in the field' that has the most impact.  

Staffordia  - I would love to receive that feedback as a parent!  Love and care is a huge bit of parenting (in my book), and I think as an adult I sometimes see where 'love & care' is dressed up as maybe having all the "stuff" (sometimes very expensive "stuff"), but perhaps not alot of time, or interaction........  I'm unlikely to be around in 50 years - to hear LG waxing lyrical (or not!) about me & DH's parenting efforts.  But as a much wanted child, who came to us much later in life, my 'style' of parenting (such as it is), is heavily influenced by wanting to be with LG, and wanting to have them experience family life whilst we can all be together.  Perhaps I'm selfish, but I don't want LG to hole up in their bedroom for hours in the day, I want them to climb up to the top of the castle with me & DH whilst we can, and have our picture taken by an American tourist 😁 I will always remember telling LG's reception teacher that LG only fell off their bike once, but still managed to get back on, and finished cycling the 12 mile trail around a local beauty spot - age 5! I won't forget LG's despairing face when their quiz paper blew out of their hand around an outdoor museum, but I also won't forget the look of surprise on the receptionist's face, when they asked for another sheet, so that they could replicate their answers to complete the quiz and earn the special prize.......  

Greying X

Greying_Pilgrim

In the spirit of moneysaving, I have just ordered something else for the house 🙄  We have a shower over the bath with a 'concertina' (?) screen.  Not long after we moved in, we were contemplating replacing the whole screen as it was leaking, but a very kind MSE'r - I'm thinking maybe it was Fortune, or Redo..... pointed out that it was possible to get replacement seals for these screens.  I found a company and ordered one, and DH fitted it.  Well, clearly we've been using the shower far too much 😉 and the seal has worn and the plastic/rubber has gone brittle and we're back to it not providing a good seal again.  So I've gone back to the same company and put in an order for a replacement.  The seal had gone up less than £1 in approx. 2 years, so that was good.  And it's still cheaper to replace the seal than remodel the bathroom!

I have amended my grocery siggie figgie after today's shop.  Still can't believe that I spent over £36.  I don't think anything had gone up in price, either.  Although thinking about it, I did forget to scan my nectar card 🙄I'll have lost the points, but at least there was only the cucumber that was in my 'prices'.  

Greying X

Jellytotts

I found your diary over the Christmas period and have really enjoyed reading it.  You are doing a fab job with LG and I promise you it will pay dividends in the long run. 

My 2 are now fully grown and have mortgages/relationships and careers of their own but like you we found value in anything but the “latest” things.  Don't get me wrong, they did have things but not all singing and all dancing and they knew the value of saving for and looking after them (but we are talking in the teenage years).

Both knew that money was tight and they had choices throughout the holidays as to what we could do regularly and what we could do just once or twice.  In the primary years our house was the one they congregated at, friends always wanted to come over, we did crafts, we played board games, we spent time….all of which they were missing from their home lives due to parents working or not being there for simple things.   When they went off to secondary school our house again became the one they all ended up at.  I ran a “these are my rules, like it or ship off home” house and they all seemed to enjoy the fact that someone cared.  Over the years I’ve fed so many kids with very simple food (that we could barely afford to spare), I’ve been a shoulder to cry on, I’ve been there to collect and celebrate exam results (one set of parents went on holiday and left the teenager alone and petrified of failure) and I’ve bought pregnancy tests and contraceptives and talked about options with those who couldn’t go to their own parents.  DH has helped with job applications and CV writing, helped from afar with Uni stress and work and all of this because we offered the different lifestyle to the main.

Exam results child is now a fully grown adult with a very prestigious career but still checks in regularly to see how we are.  

Our 2 knew the value of time and money and both were expected to find a part time job at 16 to fund their lifestyle.  Both actually saved and saved and managed to put down deposits for 1st houses at 21 when degrees were finished and careers started.

I may not have had a “career” myself but I really did do the best job I could in raising competent, understand and compassionate children.  (Well gloss over the early teenage years….they all have them)

Greying_Pilgrim

Wow! Jellytotts - if I can write a post like that in 20 or 30 years time, I will be beyond ecstatic!  

There were many parts to your post that resonated, but your comment about being the local 'hub' is one part that got me.  I would love that for us/LG because I was treated to a similar set up when I was young at several classmates homes locally.  But I suffer from - and I know several MFW'rs have mentioned this recently - about being 'judged' regarding the state of the house.  And lets face it, adults are hard to please, but kids..... gee, they can be 100%, immediately accepting, or they can be a tough crowd........ I feel a bit better since we've at least had the windows done, but the house isn't pristine, we've not alot of room and LG hasn't the tech in their bedroom that I assume would be needed to entice chums around.  I also worry a bit about us being veggie.    to be fair, no-one has ever invited LG to their house, and then not offered to feed LG because they are vegetarian.  A cheese and tommie pizza, some chips or some mac&cheese or noodles or something has been offered - and gratefully accepted.  Would my HM pizza be as welcomed?  One of these days, I'm going to pluck up the courage to offer the kids the opportunity to make it themselves, but then you run into the problem of someone with a family member who was a professional chef......  😬

And the other thing that got me was the 'Exam Results' kiddo.  Just 😢.  I think it was mumtoomany - who talked similarly about being a bit of a 'hub' when her children were younger, and a similar case of.....parents not being there, so much, for their kiddo.  I know it makes me sound like a judgy-mcjudge-pants, but I see quite a bit of that too with LG's peers.......... 🫤  Naturally there are parents who are working 3 jobs, just to keep afloat, and could really use a helping hand of a few hours of trusted care of their child, but then there are the ones who are constantly looking for the next opportunity to out-source their child(ren) on other people, or at cheap clubs so that they can carry on their lives un-interrupted.....  

LG is getting better (they had a blip last year) about saving their money - especially if there is a 'X' in mind, be it a toy, or whatever.  Could they be better?  Sure, but they do get far more money than I did as a child.  Gawd, I remember being thrilled when 20p's were introduced, and a got one or two off my gran when we visited - which was only twice a year ☹️ But that was the same gran who occasionally had some Luc0zade from my Uncle's tiny shop, and I can still feel the bobbly glass and remember the crinkly, orange cellophane paper now........

Thank you for posting Jellytotts - I can keep all these MFW'rs posts in mind when I'm having a wobble.  

EDIT - sorry, I had meant to end my reply by saying, your last point, about trying to do the best job you could in raising competent, understanding and compassionate children is, literally, my goal, and would be my greatest achievement - trouncing anything I did in the "corporate" world I inhabited for a while.  

Greying X

Jellytotts

I’d encourage you to really look at what amazing work you’re doing with LG and cut yourself some slack on over thinking others perceptions (easier said than done I know).  

We need more parents like you and Mr GP. You really are doing a fantastic job.

Grumpelstiltskin

LG What I used to tell my son when it was X has got ......... in fact I still do sometimes, is that what we had was paid for it was not on 6d down and 9d a week.