From Frugal Foundations to Fortified Family Future

Watty1

Greying I just thought of something.  Someone I know has a child with autism - now I know that is not LG - but I am wondering if her solutions to problems might help.  She writes "social stories" for her son.   He is a teenager but  his social stories make sense of his world.    They are not specific to any one person or situation in their lives but she uses them to introduce "concepts" much as you are trying to do but found she was getting tangled up in specifics so she learned to write them after researching them on the web.    As she got familiar with the concept they started to write them together so he could make sense of situations and learn what to do and how to respond and so on.   

LG is creative and I wondered if the idea might help (there are lots of online resources which although aimed at autism might spark some ideas for you and LG to play with)..

Greying_Pilgrim

Watty - I had never heard of such a thing.   I shall investigate further - thank you for telling me about it.  Love this forum!

Greying X

lucielle

Lurker alert. There was a segment on bbc breakfast this morning, I think it was Denmark who had introduced a lot of digital learning over a few years. So much so they have now made the decision to take mobiles off pupils at the start of the day and returning them at the end. The other thing they have returned to is textbooks and actual hand writing so it does look like the worm is on the turn but how long it takes the UK to change is another matter entirely. 

L

Greying_Pilgrim

lucielle - I missed that, but on the other hand, isn't it Denmark that has said letter writing is no longer important as they've abolished the postal service? 🤔  

BUT back to your lovely post here, it ties in with what I've been reading in the media about parents who are moving away from phones for their kids (smart phones, specifically), and the generation 'before us', who (the parents) are reporting that they wished they'd never given devices to their kids, and have somehow felt......like they've been subject of a big experiment which hasn't always worked out.   It also chimes in with something that a mum was telling me about their older child (their younger one is same age as LG), who's at a local secondary, and the school have now implemented that exact same policy as you mentioned - no phones at school during the day - and her kiddo now doesn't bother taking their phone to school at all because it takes so long to deposit the handset and then collect it in the afternoon.  Which I found interesting and also a bit inspiring.  I mean, it could just be that the kiddo is lazy and can't be bothered to wander over to the school office twice a day, but also, that shows that habits - can also be broken.  How many adults are never to be seen without either a coffee or a phone in their hand?  And sometimes both.........

Perhaps that is all that is needed.  A bit of a return to balance - ie 'jumpers for goalposts' times and 'paC-man' time - not just pac-man to the obliteration of anything and everything else.  

lucielle - lovely to *see* you - thanks for popping in. 

Greying X

Greying_Pilgrim

In money matters!

The second quote has come through for the fitting of a tow-bar.  It is £50 more (I think) than the first quote, but I need to double-check with DH as the second quote is quite specific about the VAT portion, and the first one isn't - but it might just be down to how DH has presented the info.  No.1 quote is DH's 'preferred' supplier, but I need to double-check 'authenticity' versus them just being more convenient to get to........  

And before you ask - "Greying, what has this got to do with mortgages?" - it has - directly - no bearing on a mortgage, however, it is a........... lifestyle????  choice that we want to make with the intention of enriching our leisure time.  Incorporating options to go cycling on pre-determined routes or to take the bikes with us when we go on hols/if we go on hols.  And the savings plan/expenditure (or not) is indirectly tied up with what I was mentioning this morning.  If LG wants to spend every free hour of the day on an eye-patch in their bedroom, well then there's no need to save up/pay ludicrous amounts of dosh to have a hole cut in our back bumper.......  Naturally, me being me, I'm minded to go for the tow-bar and the outdoorsy, adventure, see new places, do a bit of exercise option, but we're a team, and although I'd like to take LG along with us, I have no intention of forcing them - what kind of childhood is that?  We could always sell the bike carrier to fund the eye-patch..... 😬 [joking 😬]  Although thinking about it, then the bikes could go as well........ starting to be a lot of room in the garage..... 🤔

Greying X

ladybird1106

I can recommend what watty1 said it’s something I did with my 2. They went to a very small school and 1 of them would have definitely blurted out what I’d said about another child/family. I think it encouraged my 2 to think deeper and more meaningful .
love 🐞

Fortune_Smiles

Dear Greying.  You are doing lots of great things already to help LG with these feelings.  I know we always wonder whether we are doing the right thing or whether we could do more but please remember all the positive and helpful support and guidance you give to LG on a daily basis with this and many other things.

The research I've seen suggests that jealousy and envy are healthy emotional responses in childhood.  They're important for us to feel as they build our social intelligence and inform our future decision-making processes. Problems only arise when they are are given the space to hang around and grow.

I think you're right that having all the stuff would not put an end to feelings of envy - you can't outspend envy.  And I am sure that many of LG's peers feel envious of the time and attention he receives from his loving parents.  I think you're right also that the answer lies not in changing LG's environment but giving him the tools to deal with these feelings whatever the environment   And perhaps there is some middle environment ground too?

I thought you might be interested in this article.  There is also a series of 'Ninja' books for children which are designed to help them develop life skills - I'm sure I've seen one on jealousy but I don't know if they are for LG's age group.  You mentioned your own experiences of envy and they could be a great source to draw on if made-up examples don't resonate with LG.  Could you share a time when you felt jealous/envious and talk about how you dealt with your feelings?  I know you're not looking for answers and may have explored these things already but I'm mentioning them just in case - please feel free to give a stiff ignoring 🙂

You're doing great at parenting - keep the faith 🙂

Fortune x

beanielou

I think it’s all about balance. Agree comparison is the thief of joy and often say this to myself. 

Greying_Pilgrim

Fortune_Smiles said:

.... Could you share a time when you felt jealous/envious and talk about how you dealt with your feelings?....

How long have you got love? 🤣🤣🤣How many times is too many? 🤔🤣🤣🤣

No - seriously - thank you.  I absolutely agree that those emotions are normal (when within timely or proportionate parameters) - after all, why would we strive for promotion, or a bigger house, or for a degree, or to grow the biggest carrot on record, if we weren't somehow 'reacting' to what others do/see or have.  And I think its relatively healthy as long as it mutates from a childlike 'wantee' (which is very often exactly the same as your peers have), to a stimulating more adult-like, 'I'm going to aim/aspire to that....and possibly beyond.....'.  I thought the article was very interesting, and just from reading, I can immediately think of 2 peers of LG's that have taken the 'possessive' envy a degree too far, in terms of friendships, and made X their friend, and 'how very dare you talk to/look at/sit near/breathe the same air as X, they are my friend.  So I think from the article, LG is at least much more on the 'typical' side of jealousy/envy - for their age.  

Sometimes LG is very.... mature for their age, and able to see lots of sides to situations, at other times, they are a child, and act like one - which is fine, and I like that about them, and would prefer that to child-ish all the time, despite your calendar age - there seems to be much childish chaos within the school.  The article talked about bigging up the child's achievements.  This is difficult.  LG doesn't see anything they do as special or an achievement.  Despite the fact they do have quite a few 'certificates and trophies'.  It takes one disparaging word from an adult/other child to total burst their achievement bubble.  There are 2 things I can think of instantly, in the past 2 years that LG achieved, that no-one else in their year at school did, and the one thing a TA sneered at, the other, a classmate sneered at - the result was LG hid the evidence, and hasn't really talked about the achievements since ☹️ (not that they overtly need to, but you know what i mean).  It doesn't matter how much praise or support LG has from me/DH or from Aunty or from a trainer, or Club leader - MrT and H sneered, achievement gets packed away........ ☹️

No one seems to care about school achievements, few people seem to do the homework, there doesn't appear to be any changes if you consistently get 0/10 in your..... "spelling test" as there isn't if you consistently get 10/10 in your spelling test - I don't understand it.  But then I suppose perhaps that would be seen as competitive, and that's not promoted.  But then 'outside school' people are only interested in how many r0-bux, you have or how many levels you've gone up on a computer game.  I do find that all a little bit odd.  Not to get envious or jealous of what others have done, but just no interest in others, unless it fits in very narrow, very defined parameters.  

Greying X

Fortune_Smiles

Greying_Pilgrim said:

There are 2 things I can think of instantly, in the past 2 years that LG achieved, that no-one else in their year at school did, and the one thing a TA sneered at, the other, a classmate sneered at - the result was LG hid the evidence, and hasn't really talked about the achievements since ☹️ (not that they overtly need to, but you know what i mean). 

Well - that sounds like envy to me right there 😠

Fortune x