Can’t afford to rent or buy - don’t know what to do

[Deleted User]

I think until your lightbulb moment is reached you're going to keep yourself in this state of limbo, you'll see, then, that there are things you can do to move forwards but all involve hard work in their respective ways.

LightFlare

p00hsticks said:

Have you considered moving to another part of the country ?  

This sounds like a sensible option to explore.

[Deleted User]

LightFlare said:

p00hsticks said:

Have you considered moving to another part of the country ?  

This sounds like a sensible option to explore.

I have done this. It was miserable. I didn't know anyone. Honestly, I'd rather not be alive than living in a place where I don't know anyone. So, although it seems to be the government's recommended advice now, moving to a place where I don't know anyone, and there is no work, isn't going to work for me. 

gwynlas

I have just looked at shared ownership and you could probably find something for £1200 combined rent and mortgage per month. Dependent on the flat layout you could let out the bedroom occasionally by using living room as a studio and sharing bathroom. it is far from ideal long term but would give you the security you desire and I know somebody who did this in Earls Court.

ThisIsWeird

Hi WBJ.
It's a toughie, but there are options, such as what Penny outlined above. Yup, that doesn't make your choice 'easier' - there isn't one obvious answer amongst them - but you will get closer to a couple of choices if you eliminate any that are clearly unacceptable.
Then the remaining 2 or 3 will come down to you personally. They might make you gulp, but you already know there isn't a magic answer, at least not straight away. But I can pretty much assure you, from personal experience, that one or more will turn out a life-changer. 
May I ask what field of work you are in? Are you with folk of similar cultural and intellectual outlooks? If so, that should help, because if you get a similar job elsewhere, then you should at least have a new bunch of colleagues you will have more in common with than just work, and that will ease the shock of the move.
Are you practical? If so, immersing yourself into a property project will also consume you nicely, be rewarding in every way, and help prevent you from moping around!
Look at Penny's list. Add anything else to it that you, or anyone here, can think of. Then begin eliminating...

Been there. Early thirties, unsettled, the only place I could call 'home' was my family home, and that was in a remote part of the kingdom. Felt very uncomfortable whenever I returned, pretty sure M&D - even tho' welcoming - were worried about when I'd get my s*** together. Occasionally met up with old acquaintances, usually married, settled, getting 'on' with life, and couldn't figure out how it seemed so 'easy' for them. But then I'd recall comments from the past, things like when a pal I shared a youthful interest in cars with had said things like, "I'm the first in my group to get engaged...", with obvious pride, and as he polished his Ford Capri. He would compare himself to his mates on this basis. It just felt weird, uncomfortable, and I knew - although I couldn't articulate it at the time - that this wasn't 'me'. And when I returned again, it was the big wedding...and then the house...and then the nicer car...and then the whatever. But when I'd visit, I could see they had zero interests in common - when they went out in the evening, they'd each invite a friend they could talk to, I'm not kidding - but both were still very content with where they were, what they'd 'achieved'. And it became clear why I felt unsettled - I didn't want any of 'that'! And was sooo glad that I'd avoided it - not necessarily through trying - I wanted to belong to 'something' -  but it just didn't feel comfortable.
Follow your gut, at least when avoiding options. You may not be able to describe what you want, but move steadily away from what you don't. 
Anyhoo, early thirties finally got my s*** together with teacher-training. And first job took me to Surrey where I knew precisely no-one. Colleagues were nice, but largely settled and married, so life was pretty dull for a year. Then, thanks to the recession at the time, I picked up a flat needing full reno, and that largely occupied me. And then one day a student teacher got a placement at the school, and with my tutor group.
Ok, HUGE luck and fate and whatevs! But the point is that it came down to 'options', and as you eliminate them one by one - as you have to - you then 'go' with the best, not the easiest, of the remaining. And you know that luck will subsequently play a large part - it simply does in EVERYBODY'S lives. Ask anyone how they met their partner? Of course pure chance had a large input! In fact it's almost all chance! One beat of a butterfly wing, and your paths would never have crossed. Ditto with everything else that happens - it's largely a lottery. Your direct input is just like steering a big ship in the rough new direction, and seeing what flotsam you plough through. Everything else is largely chance.
So, that list. What can - what must - you eliminate from it? If you are truly saying that London is permanently unaffordable, at least in terms of you having your own place, then it's off the list. You ain't going to stay with your parents forever, easy-but-depressing option tho' it may be, then it's off the list. (But always good to  know it's there!)
Tick...cross...tick...

_Penny_Dreadful

wildbilljones said:

Thanks for the comments. I won’t be able to earn any more money. I don’t work in tech or law or a high paying industry. I’d always thought having a senior role in an education organisation would allow me to live like an adult but it’s not the case.

I’m not going to move to a remote area that I have no attachment to and where I know no one. I did that before and I felt like I was in the witness protection scheme. It was a miserable existence.

I appreciate you listing the options here. It looks like I will have to go with shared ownership, despite it being a really terrible deal. 

Your idea of a remote area and mine are clearly very different.  I could understand your reticence if people were suggesting you move to the Fair Isle but there are 75 cities other than London in the UK and I would not consider them any of them remote.

Move to a new place and meet new people, make new connections - it's not an impossible feat.  I'm a similar age to you and never mind moving cities I moved countries, more than once, to give me the life I have now so I know it can be done. 

silvercar

There must be many people in their early 30s who have bought in the last few years, who now face increased mortgage costs and have a spare bedroom. Would it be worth exploring the option of renting the spare bedroom, ideally found through your friendship network. This sort of bridges the gap between a shared house with too many unknown people and gives you a base as well as some company.

MattMattMattUK

I think it comes back to much of what was said on last year's thread, if you want to buy, or even live alone, then you need to move out of central London. Whilst £40k is a reasonable income in most of the country, in London it does not go very far as everything is so much more expensive. If you move out to a reasonable commuting distance you would be able to rent or buy on your own, which then gives you the opportunity to meet someone and have a relationship. Your only real alternatives if you wish to stay in London are to continue to house share or live with family, you would probably need to double your income to be able to rent on your own and that is likely unrealistic. 

You seem to be stuck in a cycle of inaction because you cannot find a perfect solution, that also might be having an impact on your mental health which is perhaps exacerbating the issue. 

Moving to a different area does not have to be isolating, you can make new friends, you can visit old ones, central London is only 20-40 minutes on a train from most of the of the Home Counties, Kent, Essex etc.

You can choose action or inaction, the former will help things get better, the latter will result in things being the same in another year's time.

Grumpelstiltskin

Right you think Norwich is remote. 100 miles from London, 1hr. 50 mins. on the train.

Many people commute every day further away than that.

Almost 150.000 inhabitants and you couldn't find any new friends?

If you know you can't afford to stay in London then what are you prepared to do?

Nothing is going to drop in your lap with no effort.

[Deleted User]

Grumpelstiltskin said:

Right you think Norwich is remote. 100 miles from London, 1hr. 50 mins. on the train.

Many people commute every day further away than that.

Almost 150.000 inhabitants and you couldn't find any new friends?

If you know you can't afford to stay in London then what are you prepared to do?

Nothing is going to drop in your lap with no effort.

Norwich wasn't the right option. There is hardly any work there, consequently there are not many people in their thirties and forties. It's mostly students and older people, or families that have moved there for better houses. You can mock me for not being able to make friends if you like but that is how it is for me.

Perhaps I'll try Sheffield or Leeds or another place with cheaper houses and very few jobs.