Money Moral Dilemma: Should we change our wills following our daughter's death?

jonnydeppiwish!

gothvixen said:

My Mum's will leaves equal fixed amounts to her 3 grandsons, with whatever is left to be split equally between myself and my brother. I would stipulate the % to go to your daughter, and equal shares of the rest to each grandson. It would be very wrong to allow one grandson to receive more than the other 2, and his aunt. It was unfair for one daughter to receive more than the other anyway.

Not sure it would very wrong for 50% share to go to the one grandchild.  In theory, the other 2 grand children would benefit from a greater share when their parents die.

Tbh, just spend your money on yourselves and leave a nominal amount to each.

SavvySlut

SadieO said:

RSD7a said:

It's a very personal choice. Our grown up children have different financial circumstances and different numbers of children. All that's irrelevant in our view for inheritance purposes. We simply divide up our estate equally between them. What they pass on to their children and how they use it is up to them. To differentiate between them, to us, feels like setting up the potential for a lifetime of ill feeling.

This is how our parents feel. OH and I both have one brother. Both our parents have made it clear that each of their kids gets 50% regardless of any circumstances. OH's brother has kids (we don't) so he may choose to share his 50% with his kids straight away, or just add it to the family finances that his kids will benefit from and ultimately inherit anyway (assuming anything is left when that time comes!) In my opinion it is fraught with complication to say kid A owns their house/has kids/has a good income etc, kid B doesn't, so they should get differing amounts based on this, as these are all things that can change for the better or worse at any point - do parents who do this update their wills accordingly every time one of their kids gets a better job etc? 

OP I am so sorry for your loss. I would split your estate 50:50 between your two children, letting your surviving daughter decide whether to give some to her children, and your deceased daughter's child inheriting her 50%, as they would have done if she passed away after receiving her share. 

Firstly I’m so sorry for your loss. 

This right here is the sensible and fair solution. Just split equally to the next generation regardless of their current circumstances… which can easily change for the better or worse throughout their lives. They can fall on hard times, have more children, divorce/remarry, lose their jobs etc. etc. So just split equally and let them decide what they want to leave their children when the time comes. In this case the share of your deceased daughter should now go to her child just as it would have done is she had passed away after she got her share. 

Lesley_RG

There is only one 'fair' way to leave money in a will if you have offspring. If any of your offspring  are not able to lead a normal life and make their own decisions you may well decide that they will need more money to lead a life that they are unable to do on their own. That said, you decided and gave birth to your children you are responsible for your children. Your children are responsible for any children that they bring into the world. You are not responsible for your grandchildren or great-grandchildren. You had 2 daughters so the estate should be divided equally between your daughters. Your daughters should then decide what to do with their estate when the time comes. Since one of your daughters has unfortunately died then her share of your estate should pass directly to her child.
Not treating your own children, that you brought into the word, in an equitable and equal manner is unjust. If you don't intend to treat your children equally then you had better explain to them your daughter and her nephew) why you are favouring her and her family over your deceased daughter and her family. And get their agreement. The hurt caused to siblings who are treated differently to each other in a will cannot be underestimated. If you feel it necessary that your living daughter's children to have some money from your estate then you should request her to pass on a token amount to each of them from her share of your estate. They will receive what estate she has in the fullness of time. Meanwhile, they have a mother to love, care and support then through life. The motherless child will at least have some money to start off in life which is little compensation to having no mother.

horsewithnoname

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My husband and I have mirror wills, with the second of us to die leaving our estate to be split between our two daughters and their children. Our eldest is married, has two sons, and owns her home outright, and we stipulated 30% to her and 10% to each son. Our youngest was a single parent with one son, and was renting, and we stipulated 40% to her and 10% to her son - she sadly passed away last year, so her son now stands to inherit 50%. But would it be fairer to change our wills to leave 25% each for our daughter and our grandsons?

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CapeTown

Pollycat said:

CapeTown said:

My father in law has three sons. He is leaving the majority of his estate to two of them and just giving the third a gesture because he has been a pain in the proverbial. Personally, I think that the third son's money should bypass him and go to his daughter who was never supported by her dad anyway. She has made her way in life without him

But it is your Father's money/property to distribute as he wishes.

Of course it is his money. But if the third son had been less of a pain, he would have inherited a third of the estate with presumably the bulk of it eventually going to his daughter. She has done OK despite her useless dad and as it stands she will get nothing from her useless dad or her grandfather 

Pollycat

CapeTown said:

Pollycat said:

CapeTown said:

My father in law has three sons. He is leaving the majority of his estate to two of them and just giving the third a gesture because he has been a pain in the proverbial. Personally, I think that the third son's money should bypass him and go to his daughter who was never supported by her dad anyway. She has made her way in life without him

But it is your Father's money/property to distribute as he wishes.

Of course it is his money. But if the third son had been less of a pain, he would have inherited a third of the estate with presumably the bulk of it eventually going to his daughter. She has done OK despite her useless dad and as it stands she will get nothing from her useless dad or her grandfather 

My point was:
It really doesn't matter what you "personally think" about how your FIL should arrange distribution of his assets.
It's his assets to do with as he feels fit.
The fact that the son has been a pain and that the son's daughter will get nothing is also irrelevant.

enthusiasticsaver

I would always do 50/50 between my two daughters with perhaps the same nominal amount to my grandchildren like £10k each. I never really imagined what I would do if one of them died but I think providing your grandson is looked after by his father I would up the nominal amounts to all three grandchildren and leave the remainder to my surviving daughter. What the nominal amount is depends on their age but all three would get the same. 

Pennylane

There is a very interesting article in the DM today about a woman whose Mother always said everything would go to her when she died. She and her second husband (the woman’s stepfather) had mirror Wills.  But after she died, he changed  his Will (which is perfectly legal) to leave everything to his young cleaning lady.  

I will post link if I can find it again.

Pennylane

Here you go

https://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/pensions/article-12326589/My-inheritance-lost-stepdad-changed-will.html?ico=mol_desktop_home-newtab&molReferrerUrl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailymail.co.uk%2Fhome%2Findex.html&_ga=2.231934301.37414317.1689792601-905230624.1665863932&_gl=1*1tdvjjf*_ga*OTA1MjMwNjI0LjE2NjU4NjM5MzI.*_ga_XE0XLFFF16*MTY5MDA5OTYwNS4zNzMuMS4xNjkwMTAyNzg3LjAuMC4w

astroL

Is there a real problem for you to divide your estate equally between your children? Unless I am missing something here, that would surely be the fairest decision to make. By children, of course I mean children or their children. Imagine trying to explain to your children why you want to treat them differently - then don't do it (please!).