Money Moral Dilemma: Should we change our wills following our daughter's death?

fizpenman

Firstly, I’m so sorry for your loss.

Your very sad situation is not dissimilar to my mother’s, who passed away a little over a year ago. My father died a few years back, so my mother had left her estate to be split equally between her 3 children, being myself and my two brothers.

My elder brother was a single parent to one daughter. Like your daughter, he had very little himself, whilst both my younger brother and I own our own houses. Tragically my elder brother died unexpectedly about 6 months before my mother. 

My mother had not amended her will, so his daughter, my niece, inherited his share of her estate. Every member of our family, including all the grandchildren, were very happy about this. As far as we were concerned we all still inherited what my mother had originally intended. Had my elder brother survived beyond my mother, his daughter would have inherited his share in due course anyway.

But more importantly, as another person posted, my niece had already suffered the tragedy of her last remaining parent dying. Now her grandmother had died. She did not have the immediate family support (ie living parents) that all of the other grandchildren had to help her for years to come. We have done our best for her, of course, but it is honestly a relief to know that my brother’s share of my mother’s estate may go a little way to helping her as she goes through life.

it’s a very hard choice for you, of course. But I cannot imagine your other daughter would begrudge her niece the start in life that her sister, and you, would have wanted for her. 

I do hope this helps, but whatever you decide I have no doubt it will be the right choice for you and your family. My best wishes to you all.

PrincessAngelique

My mother left her estate equally divided between me and my brother, with my full agreement.  I have a daughter but sadly my brother and his wife were unable to conceive, but why should my brother receive less because of that?  Also, not knowing the ages of the people involved, another "what if" might be if another grandchild was born?  That would obviously mean that one grandchild gets nothing.  (And if the single grandchild is still young, would it be a good idea to put money into a trust or something?)

I'm so sorry you're having this dilemma on top of dealing with your grief.  I wish you peace. x

Dutch131

I think it is fair as the will stands. If both daughters had survived, then the 2 families would have received 50% each. How the money is split within the family us imaterial, as afterwards when one of the daughters passed away it would then pass to her children. So final distribution would be for the grandchildren. 25% x 2 plus 50% x 1.

avav

Split it 50/50 between the daughter and the deceased daughter's child, mostly for reasons stated by Cambsmum above.  

Tiger_Tony

gothvixen said:

My Mum's will leaves equal fixed amounts to her 3 grandsons, with whatever is left to be split equally between myself and my brother. I would stipulate the % to go to your daughter, and equal shares of the rest to each grandson. It would be very wrong to allow one grandson to receive more than the other 2, and his aunt. It was unfair for one daughter to receive more than the other anyway.

I used to be a Will Consultant before retirement. I'd never recommend fixed amounts for grandchildren. My mother-in-law left fixed amounts to her grandchildren and the rest of the estate to be split equally between her two children. Her thoughts were that her two children should receive the majority of the estate and the grandchildren would each receive a gift of a few thousand pounds. In the event, she went into a care home where almost all of her estate went on paying care fees. There was about £18,000 left. This all went to pay the gifts to the grandchildren and there was nothing left for her daughter or son to receive anything. I suggest sticking to percentages for all beneficiaries, then whether there is £10,000 or £100,000 or a million pounds left, each person will still receive the same proportion.

DMFOS69

Leave half to.your daughter and half to.your grandson that is the fairest way to do it, and I thing if you don't chained your will legally thats how it would be split
 

TBagpuss

I think it is fair to leave things as they are. IT sounds like you split thigs equally between your children but chose to give some directly to each grandchild. IF you now change things, then your late daughter's child not only suffers from having lost their mother but also end s up with less than thy would have had if she had lived. That feels like they get hit twice .And on top of that, it sounds as throughout other daughter is much more financially secure , so her and her children are likely to need the inheritance far less (and her children will likely inherit from their own parents in the end, as well as anything they get from you.. Giving her and her children 3/4 of your estate, and your other daughter 's child 1/4 looks grossly unfair to me. If you ant to change things, in your position I'd so it the other way and leave a bit more to the orphaned grandchild, taking into account the fact that they won't enjoy the benefit of inheritance from their parent or the support of having living parents during their early adult years

You could simply leave 50% to your surviving daughter and 50% to your orphaned grandchild. Your daughter could chose to do a deed of variation to transfer part of her share direct to her children, or you could discuss it with her ahead of time and leave part of 'her' share to them directly 

[Deleted User]

 Your grandchildren are all equal to you, and your wills should reflect that.  You cannot know what the circumstances will be when you eventually pop off, the motherless child may have won the lottery, your remaining daughter may have been left a single mother with two children to raise!  In any event I think it would be hurtful to leave more to one grandchild than another (and hate the idea that you had actually planned to leave a higher percentage to one daughter over the other, what was it, a penalty to the  remaining daughter for her lifestyle?).  Why not leave something toward a holiday or whatever for your daughter, and whatever is left to be divided equally between your grandchildren?  My sympathy to your remaining daughter.  Unless there is a rift, I can't imagine how I would feel if either I or my children were slighted by my parents in favour of siblings or their children.  You cannot see the future, treat your loved ones equally.

garyttt

how is this a moral dilemma? It's a personal matter for those concerned to decide as they see fit how their estate is portioned after they pass away. For starters, how old are the respective people. Then what about other aspects we haven't been told about.

If it was me, then based on the information provided, I'd give the single grandchild 50%, and the other daughter and her family 50% to share as they see fit. After all, they might also stand to benefit from an estate coming from any number of relatives on the son in laws side, plus if their children get partners, then potentially additional estates from those partners. Before you know it, you end up wrapping yourself around a knotted cargo net stuffed down a rabbit warren. 
I'm sure many forumites have seen a meme on FB etc about how equality, and equity differs in real life. If you treat people strictly equally, than they might see different benefits depending on their own situation, treat them equitably, then you seek to make the end result equal even if the means weren't. So the grandson who has lost his mother  and maybe no meaningful relationship with an absent father, might be facing eviction from a private rental, and so needs more help than 2 grandsons with both parents, living in their own house paid for already.

kbskylady

So sorry for your loss, it must be devastating to lose your daughter. I applaud you on making a will, however. I can't advise on the will situation, except to suggest you seek legal advice. Fairness is a very personal POV. My parents did not leave wills, instead (unknown to me until my first parent passed away) the money they made on selling their retirement home by the seaside was given to my younger brother, so he only had to obtain a small mortgage to buy a property in London, where they all lived together until both parents died around 10 years later. The result is that my brother, who did not even seek work until his 30s, now has a 3-bedroom London house all to himself for being the 'good son' and staying with my parents all his life, whereas when my husband and I were both made redundant 10 years ago we lost the home we had only taken a mortgage on 3 years previously. We now rent privately and as we approach state retirement age will never own our own home again. Had my parents left their money to their children equally, I would not have lost my home as they both passed away before the redundancies, and my future would not now be insecure. Whatever you decide to do, my personal belief is that you ought to let the family know how you will be leaving your estate.