Money Moral Dilemma: Should we change our wills following our daughter's death?

soniasimmo

Hi I'm new here but would like to add my experiences.
My Mum passed away recently and I was the executor of her will.  I knew the contents of the will and agreed with my mum's decision: 

1: My Brother had disowned the family 30+ years ago so him and his family were not getting anything.

2: Sadly my Sister had predeceased my Mum.

3: My Sister had a child (my nephew) unfortunately my nephew has major mental health problems (mainly caused by his drug use), now I love my nephew and I had a major part in his upbringing, I have fought hard for him over the last twenty years to get him the mental health care he needs. My Mum and myself have bailed him out financially to the tune of many thousands over the years (he owed some very dodgy people money).

4: I have three children.

So the will left everything to me with very small equal bequests to the four Grandchildren specifically because my Mum didn't want to leave my Nephew anything that He could blow on drugs and due to the fact that He had received lots of financial help already.

That leaves me to share what I choose with my children.  

You may not think that fair but it was my Mum's choice given the lifestyle of my Nephew.

04Felix15

Sorry for your loss firstly.

the way you explained your estate and sorry if I have interpreted incorrectly; was a 50/50 amongst your 2 children. 

You decided to give the one child 50% which was then divided between her and her children. 

The second child 50% which was divided by her and her child. 

Now that your child has passed away the above should still remain. It’s still fair. The one who has loss a parent gets their parents share. I am sure that’s what your other child would do in her own will give to her children. 

Anyway no matter what you decide as inheritance is a blessing not an automatic right I hope your family is truly grateful. 

Enjoy your life where you can, spend more time where you can with your family as life is very short. 

ljmuk

I don't see any reason to change your will.
If your daughter had passed away after you died, her child would end up, quite rightly, with the 50%.  You are not cheating the other grandchildren, they will inherit their mum's estate when she dies, but more importantly, they will grow up still having their mum!
There is far more to life than money.

WYSPECIAL

What are you trying to achieve? The previous arrangement gave 50% to each of your children or their descendants.

 Does that cover what you still want to do?

Is their a reason for passing money directly to grandchildren rather than to their parent?

Are you expecting the amounts left to be a nice gift or will it really be a life changing figure?

WYSPECIAL

ellie99 said:

Quite a few posters are making the assumption that the grandson now has no parental support and will never inherit from anyone else. Nowhere in the OP does it say that his father is not on the scene, just that his mother was a single parent. It could be that his parents have separated but he still sees his father regularly.

Regardless, I also feel that the grandson who has lost his mother should inherit the 50% which would have been her share.

They may also have received a big pay out from life insurance and/or be in receipt of a pension from their late mothers employer so they may be financially secure as well as have parental support.

It really depends what the OP is trying to achieve by leaving money to grandchildren directly.

CapeTown

My father in law has three sons. He is leaving the majority of his estate to two of them and just giving the third a gesture because he has been a pain in the proverbial. Personally, I think that the third son's money should bypass him and go to his daughter who was never supported by her dad anyway. She has made her way in life without him

Rawrzy

I don't personally see any reason to change it. I don't think it's fair the grandson is punished for the mother dying, especially when losing a mother could have been potentially quite tragic in of itself.

JayD

Please accept my condolences for the sad loss of your daughter.

Re your 'dilemma', I am confused by the original breakdown of your wills and think there must be a fairer way of dividing the inheritance, without the need for you to judge any of your family members individual circumstances, which could easily change at any time.

I would also suggest that you include a proviso in your wills for changed circumstances . Our wills allow for the percentage left to any beneficiaries who has died at the time of our deaths, to be divided equally among those surviving.

ThoughtfulPhil

First off. Sorry for the loss of your daughter.
Talk to your remaining daughter. Let her know your thoughts about changing your wills.
It might also be a good time to talk about lasting powers of attorney.
If you feel you already have enough assets to have the comfortable retirement you deserve.
Think about using your income to enjoy time with your daughter and your grandchildren.
If you all get on, think about holidays together or days out. Spending your time and money now, would probably be more appreciated, than the money in the future and think of the memories they will have of you.
If you think you might be caught by Inheritance tax. You can pay into pensions for grandchildren. If they are old enough you could help them top up their Lifetime ISAs.
A few ideas.
Once again sorry for your loss.
Enjoy your family and your time money and assets. 

Pollycat

CapeTown said:

My father in law has three sons. He is leaving the majority of his estate to two of them and just giving the third a gesture because he has been a pain in the proverbial. Personally, I think that the third son's money should bypass him and go to his daughter who was never supported by her dad anyway. She has made her way in life without him

But it is your Father's money/property to distribute as he wishes.