Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay for a full funeral just because one of my children wants me to?

pdrs154

As someone who has recently arranged direct cremations for my wife and myself I would say that you should do what YOU want. Funerals are for the living; the dead are dead, they don't care. Why should you alter what you want done with your body in order to make someone else feel better?

Suggest to your child that, instead of a ritual to mark your death you would rather your loved ones had a get-together to celebrate your life and what you meant to them.

Pollycat

I think you may have meant to reply on this thread:
Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay for a full funeral just because one of my children wants me to? - Page 7 — MoneySavingExpert Forum

It's not your fault.
It's the websire that is confusing.
This has been reported to MSE several times.

jayess_2

gran3 said:

If one is that bothered ask them if they want to pay the difference. Increasingly this will become the norm. Not the paying, the non-funeral.

Most probably if non-funerals become the norm they’ll put the prices up 😩.

MSE_Laura_F

Pollycat said:

I think you may have meant to reply on this thread:
Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay for a full funeral just because one of my children wants me to? - Page 7 — MoneySavingExpert Forum

It's not your fault.
It's the websire that is confusing.
This has been reported to MSE several times.

Thanks @Pollycat.

@oracleofknowledge - thanks for your comment. I've merged it with the main Money Moral Dilemma thread.

Malthusian

Littledaler said:

Flipflop13 and FrugalThrills are on the right side of this dilemma - which is not, in fact, a dilemma - because everyone has the right to decide on their "final journey" and it's outrageous that some Forumites are castigating the person who posted this for not arranging and paying for a funeral service they don't want or believe in.  

The Dilemma-er isn't sure what they want, or they wouldn't be asking the Internet peanut gallery for opinions. If it wasn't a dilemma it wouldn't be a Dilemma.
As far as I can see nobody has told the Dilemmaer that they should pay for a funeral service (in life) or arrange it. "Do nothing" is the alternative option.

Linton

I do not see the problem really.  The parent has the right to make an expression of wishes as to the form of his/her funeral.  The executor has the right to arrange a funeral of whatever form they deem appropriate.  Perhaps in most cases they will choose to follow the expression of wishes, but they dont have to. In any case the cost comes from the deceased's estate.

bunnygo

don't impoverish yourself for an event you don't want and will not see. Tell your kids your wishes and let them spend any remaining inheritance how they want.

the unsayable truth - many do NOT find funerals 'closure', 'comforting' or 'cathartic' just a hideous pointless ordeal.  My partner and I have mutual agreements for direct cremation, neither of us want the other to go through the horror of seeing a beloved partner in a box.

Ringo90

I've been forcefully raised a Christian but I felt I did not believe since I was a little girl so I stopped attending church as soon as I could.
A few years ago I attended my grandmother's funeral after she was gone. Despite her being a devoted church person who had even known the priest for a long time, all he could do was the usual mass service in which he only talked about God, Jesus etc. and he didn't spend one word for my grandmother. Being non-religious this meant nothing to me and I felt like my beloved nan was disrespected. I was already persuaded not to have this kind of service for myself before, but this episode persuaded me even more and I begged my closest family members to please do whatever else but not this. If anyone needs to pray their God in the moment of mourning they can do it privately. But this should be about the deceased even though they're not there anymore.

Devoutskeptic

Our modern culture isn't good at handling 'death'. Money aside, and whatever your personal beliefs, funeral celebrations (however you define them) provide valuable space for friends and relatives to come to terms with the death of a loved one. My wife's an Anglican priest, and it's fascinating to hear how so often, modern families haven't given thought to what they're going to do until bereavement slaps them in the face- and they're suddenly at a loss, as if it was never going to happen. The OP needs to give this more thought. Yes, organised funerals are overpriced (avoid all 'funeral plans'), but his family need to come to one mind on handling this if they're not going to have a serious falling-out later, when feelings are raw and hurtful things might be said. You've identified the problem- so help them work it out together. It's not all about you.

lewisiablue

Yes, you certainly have a say in how your mortal remains leave this world. Funerals are about the deceased and the people left behind. So yes have a non-attended cremation and then leave the ashes to your children and let them have a ceremony.