SERIOUSLY reday to leave my OH

wilkster5

This has nothing to do(well alittle i suppose) with DFW but I'm at my wits end with my GF.

I earn a good wage, but i'm trying to clear my £13000 of debt by next xmas. But she is having tantrums about me saying no to another holiday in January.....why does she not understand!!!! i'm tearing my hair out. I pay everything except council Tax, i spend alot of money doing our new house house up but shes angry that I said I will not pay for a holiday in Jan as we have stuff for the house to get....Am i being unreasonable. It really shows me a another side to her and i'm ready to walk. We own the house together, she paid half the deposit and we have £50000 equity in the house, i'm thinking of selling up, splitting the cas, clearing my debt and moving on. RANT RANT RANT but i feel better already. She has debt to £5000 on C/C but it doesnt bother her as I'm paying everything as her new business is not doing so well. Can any women out there tell me how to handle this!!!! Thanks

Oh I know i spelt ready wrong on title but pretty fuming right now!

whitewing

Oh dear. I would feel the same way as you. Before you get too radical though, sit down, work out a budget, post your SOA up for advice, and then sit her down, show her all your figures etc, and then see if she still wants to go on holiday.

If she does, dump her. It would seriously stress me to have someone who wouldn't work with me through life.

davetrousers

Dude you need to spell things out to her about money (Your money)

welshpaula

hiya you need to put a stop to that NOW ! thats what i was like 3 years ago want ! want ! want! i drove my partner to someone else ! i know it takes 2 but i was a nightmare .anyway ..... he had an affair then we got back together and we BOTH changed ,3 years on we are more solid than ever and tackling his credit card debt (which is mostly my fault!)you must sit her down and tell her if it doesnt stop then you will leave frighten her into stopping and if she wont then leave ! i know that sounds awful but being in debt is no fun honest good luck paula x

TheAble

If you sell up and leave her, you'll walk away with no debts and around £10K in the bank, maybe more. Plus you'll be free of the endless nagging for ever. Doesn't that just sound sooooo good?

Snaggles

Hi wilkster, no you're not being unreasonable, in fact it sounds like you are being more than fair.

I suppose the question is, do you love her enough to want to save your relationship if you could resolve this particular issue? (you don't have to answer me, just answer it in your own head)

If I were in your position, I would try to avoid making any major decisions while you are so angry that your blood is boiling. When you are calm, you will be able to see more clearly what you want, and what you are prepared to do to get it. I wish you well though - I hope you can sort it out.

wilkster5

whitewing wrote: »

Oh dear. I would feel the same way as you. Before you get too radical though, sit down, work out a budget, post your SOA up for advice, and then sit her down, show her all your figures etc, and then see if she still wants to go on holiday.

If she does, dump her. It would seriously stress me to have someone who wouldn't work with me through life.

Thanks everyone. I have got my SOA up on my diary, and she knows what the money is like. It's not tight, but i'm trying to clear my debt...thats the bit she does not understand. We have been through this before and when I talk about money she sighs and thinks i'm getting on. And its defo pushing me away. It's a nightmare as I work offshore and it's all arguing over telephone, which makes it worse... i can see the light at the beginning of the singledom tunnel...

betti911

Think you need to sit down and have a good calm chat with her. I admit sometimes I can go on holiday 'rants' with my other half. Maybe its not so much the holiday she wants but the whole feeling a holiday gives you- closeness, good memories, quality time together. You can have that at home though. Go on nice walks, arrange to do something inexpensive that you both enjoy.

I really do think you should discuss finances re you paying for everything. That isn't fair and shouldn't be expected. Tell her how much this is affecting you. If she doesn't care then get rid.

Burlesque_Babe

Hi there - I was wondering how you were getting on a few days ago. You aren't being unreasonable - not at all.

It might be worth sitting down with a REALLY comprehensive list of everything which is going to need to be paid in January and February and show her that it is not possible to spend money on a holiday just because she wants it. Maybe suggest that you plan something for January 09 as a celebration for you being debt free and her business being more up and running by then - would she enjoy looking for a holiday which won't cost very much (with an agreed budget before she starts looking) but she gets to choose the venue, hotel etc. If she still kicks up a fuss, then maybe tell her how you are feeling.

She has (forgive me for this) an easier ride than you financially. She put down half the deposit which is fair enough, but you are paying all the mortgage, all the bills such as the electricity and gas (and I know you work away a lot) so in effect she would get £25,000 equity, pay off £5,000 debt and have £20,000 and you would get £25,000, pay off £13,000 debt and then go away knowing you paid all the other bills for all that time - seems very unfair to me.

wilkster5

TheAble wrote: »

If you sell up and leave her, you'll walk away with no debts and around £10K in the bank, maybe more. Plus you'll be free of the endless nagging for ever. Doesn't that just sound sooooo good?

:j :j :j :j :j :money: now your talking...theres always a positive to go with the negative. Only thing is getting back on housing market! but thats not the be all end all, :T

whitewing

If you do dump her, then do it nicely!