Simplifying Life

Greenshieldstamp_2

Hello there. Me again.

Just a quick message for Ceridwen. You mentioned in one of your posts that you missed the alternative therapies - reflexology programme. I don't know if you have ever used the BBC I player site www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer ?

You have to download some software the first time you use it, but then you can download programmes you have missed from the past 7 days. I have just looked and the reflexology programme is still available to download (Monday 24th) but it expires tonight so you would have to do it today.

Hope this is of some use (and I didn't mean my post to be an advert for BBC I player in any way, I am not connected with it, it is just something I find useful)

Best wishes to everyone, busy today blitzing the bathroom.
Greenshield

mary43

steel - good to see your 'revised' plan for simplifying is working well. We have a garden -well quite a large piece of concrete with flower beds down one side, garage on the other and right at the bottom a wild life area with a pond that sort of takes care of itself..........we let anything grow there - its a haven for wildlife and for us, away from the house for some ''thinking space'.
I can't do much any more due to back injury so I'm thankful we don't have a 'manicured ' lawn. Flowers are grown in all sorts of containers, OH grows a bit of veg in tubs and thats as much as we can manage........Most of the flowers are those that come up year after year regardless apart from geraniums and I do like those dotted around in clay pots.
I work from home taking care of the two boys I have and life can be easy at times when things are going well but the other side of the coin is not being able to arrange my social life as I'd like. Evenings and weekends aren't our own time and we can't leave one of the boys on his own due to his disruptive behaviour and the risks as a result. But we get a reasonably generous allowance for taking the 'more difficult' kids............who are, lets face it, just kids with a diffficult background to deal with.
I too need to get rid of the 'guilt' factor but I've a way to go with that one yet. I am selective of friends though and have some really good ones who accept me as 'me'.................unlike some family members.
Thanks for the e book title and info............that sounds a good one to read.

wmf - you are so right about the 'emotional baggage' we allow ourselves to carry............speaking as one who knows............I am, bit by bit, thinning out Dads endless collection of little bits -its an effort it really it as the memories come flooding back, not that they''re ones I want to lose but they do seem to stop me in my tracks. How can I bring myself to get rid of dads building bricks from his childhood, the conjurers set, my brothers meccano ? to name just a few. I'm hanging on to a shoe box full of diaries written up to the day before he died.............nothing much in them except what he did that day and how he felt health-wise. They're taking up no valuable space at the minute so I'm inclined to leave them there for now. Maybe, just maybe, when Mum goes, I'll feel more able to 'let go' ?
You're doing so well with your de-cluttering...............OH has been doing his bit in the garden sorting out freecycle stuff and tip stuff but there's still a lot for me to do.

Today has gone all pear shaped...........one lad refused to come back from his Mums this morning to go to school so we''ve problems there. The other one still has no work and has difficulty focusing on job hunting, not really knowing what he wants to do, with his limitations. One meeting this morning went ahead, the one that was supposed to follow as been cancelled due to someones illness. I'd planned my whole day around these meetings -they can be quite draining - and I'm finding it hard to re-chanel my brain in another direction -I know I should.........heavens, there's loads I could be doing.
Still, I've a list of phone calls I need to make so maybe that will start me off -as I tick each one and feel some achievement then I'll move on to something else.

ceridwen -

food and shelter first

Something I always instilled into my kids brains and do the same with the kids we have. They might see other material things as more important while they're with us but they soon realise it when they're out in the big wide world.

ceridwen

Thanks greenshieldstamp

Looks like I'm in for an evening of tv viewing - cant remember the last time I did that - months ago? The reflexology prog on pc and I had mentally lined up the alternative therapies programme on tv on meditation and the one thats an expose of whats happening in Tibet (which I have the feeling will be disturbing viewing to have just before bedtime - I know the Chinese shouldnt be in there anyway and are being very oppressive - do I need to know JUST how awful they are being to those poor Tibetans? But I'm still planning on watching anyway).

mary43

ceridwen - try not to watch anything too disturbing too near bedtime........I always feel it either makes it harder for me to get to sleep or when I do drop of I dont exactly have what I feel is a 'good' nights sleep. Same happens if I watch a complicated 'who dun it' type thing........brain cells are running overtime !

Well, meeting this afternoon cancelled I ventured into the back room to sift through Dads sheet music and rather wish I hadnt ! So much of it ! I never really went through it before........just shoved it all in his suitcase and brought it home. Ive been trying to sort it into the manuscripts Dad wrote himself, classical music, jazz and there's even some piano music me and big bruv used to used at piano lessons ! Along with sheet music of Pat Boone, Max Bygraves and a few others...........lol Then I found some programmes of dances Dad played in a band for so brought them downstairs.............(my son can have them)..........receipt from the dentists, request from the builder for payment when Dad bought their house in 1946 (no mention of the amount though) and an insurance quote for £90 for dads drum set !! Well, I've got to pop them in his history folder and keep them. There was music for all sorts of instruments and a whole load for xylophone (dad had one) and an old organ like grandma had !Also found a song with music written by a chap who Dad must have known though the name means nothing to me. The back bedroom floor now is in such a mess like you wouldn''t believe...........music everywhere !! Floor, blanket box, drawers and the little bit of space on the bed (not much room there due to collection of stuff for baskets !) I couldnt reach to get the suitcase right down and it feels like there's some old records in there.........the old 78's...........heaven knows what...........some sort of jazz knowing Dad I think.
It was quite a little adventure in a way but I just couldn't bring myself to go back up there and sort it through before putting back what I want to keep. OH suggested leaving it till the morning and looking at it with a fresh eye and he's right I think. I hate leaving things half done but this was an emotional thing to do as well as the general 'clearing out' job.
I've offered the programmes of dance events to the local history site - I'm sure they'll love to have them .........so they'll be out of the way...........as for the rest. Well my son is hardly likely to want the classical music not will he want the music I played as a child so I'm scratching my head as to what to do with them..............think I'll ask the music shop if they're interested in stuff like that. I know they'd have had anything 'blues' or 'jazz'.........I'll pop in tomorrow and ask I think.
Phew...........what an afternoon !!:j but it was fun !

Aril

Hello virtual friends:j
Some decluttering still going on here..another bag to BHF last week. Where does it all come from Still the small person was asked to take something in for the bring and buy at school but he's so effectively decluttered all he could find was a book. I'm sure with the pound in his sticky palm he'll be able to reclutter his room with all manner of other children's tut at the same sale:rotfl::rotfl:
This following is a beautiful piece of writing that I picked up at a healing session when the small person was still a toddler. May be familiar to some of you but hope you enjoy it.
The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon, I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow. If you have opened to life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you sit with pain, mine or your own, without having to hide it, or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic or remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your soul.
I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even wehn it is not pretty everyday and if you source your life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout in the silver of the full moon "yes".
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get caught up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand with me in the centre of the fire and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you study. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder. 1994

Aril

Bobbykins

Aril - you always post beautiful quotes, but I just wanted to say a special thank you for that latest one. For some reason it struck a particular chord with me and really moved me. So THANK YOU :A :A :A

ceridwen

"I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else fails away" - that was the phrase that struck me from Aril's latest quote.

The subject of "inner resources" is one that is floating in and out of my mind a lot these days - as in how valuable it is to have some inner resources. It does help - to remind myself of what matters when times are hard (they always seem to be hard - its just the extent of how hard they are:rolleyes: ). I'm often struck by the people who have everything - but then find they have "nothing" and are left wondering "why?" - hence many of them seem to turn to drugs/drink/whatever.

I'm still thinking about the juxtaposition of those tv programmes I watched yesterday - the first an expose on Channel 4 of whats happening in Tibet and the next on meditation and thinking what total opposites those two cultures are - the spiritually-minded Tibetans and the Chinese (far from). Ultimately the Chinese can stay sitting there in their conquered territory for however-long-they manage to - but they will never win the battle for the hearts and minds of the Tibetans. They have turned Tibet into an open prison and are treating those people appallingly - but they will never win their hearts and minds. The Tibetans will remain Tibetan - however much the Chinese try and impose their culture - I guess thats why one can see what looks a lot like genocide going on there from what I could see in the programme. No matter what anyone does - people still think and feel what they decide they are going to think and feel. They have the inner resources the Chinese nation as a whole (obviously there are individual exceptions) seem to have lost over the centuries.

As individuals too our inner resources are what help us to make sense of our lives and the society we are in and give us the strength to keep going.

Steel_2

"Oh - last thing - I threw out my old Monopoly set i got when I was 8. If it was so special, why was it in the loft untouched for years and years and now smelling a bit old? I feel so free by not 'having' to keep things. I know that this doesn't suit everyone but if there is anyone out there who wonders if they really could release some of their 'stuff' which is causing them to feel swamped and all cluttered up, then I say go for it. try it with something smallish to begin with and see how you feel. I have been trapped by the emotional baggage of feeling I have to hold on to precious memories of deceased parents, presents from other people etc etc etc. I am free!! I really can choose to have things in the house which I love. It's ok to let things go to other people. It doesn't mean you loved your parents less because you don't share their taste in tea sets"

Excellent! Well done! Last autumn we had a massive clear out of stuff and managed to get rid of nearly 500lb of stuff. We actually weighed all the bags and boxes as they left the house and kept a record of it on a noteboard. We haven't missed a single thing we got rid off.

Among all this stuff were items that parents and siblings had dumped on us - no longer wanted by them but made out to be sentimentally valuable so we would store it. They kicked up a fuss about us throwing it out, but not enough to come and get it back so it was all thrown out. They spent some time trying to make us feel guilty, but we refused to listen to them.

It's surprising how many incidents there are every day where you do things not because you want to but because you feel obliged to. Where people make you feel bad for not doing what they want you to do. When I realised this I understood my need for simplicity was really a need to start doing things I wanted to do and less of what others try to manipulate me to do.

My husband is unfortunately the biggest source of this. He's trying to turn me into his mother - a housewife who did everything around the home and in the garden for him, his brother and father while they went off and played with cars and aeroplanes. He's a lovely bloke but is excruciatingly slow to act on things in the hope I'll do them instead. But I work many hours and won't do it anymore, even if that means the house looks like hell and there are people coming round.

Charis

Aril wrote: »

Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder. 1994

Aril

I also love this poem but (just for the record) she's not an Indian Elder;

While studying and participating in shamanic ceremonies, Oriah received the spiritual name "Mountain Dreamer" and was told that the name meant "one who likes to push the edge." [...] the poem and her subsequent books first appeared under the name Oriah Mountain Dreamer. This led to all kinds of interesting misunderstandings (Eg.- that she was an elderly or deceased Native American.) [...] So she good naturedly explained when asked that Oriah Mountain Dreamer was a indeed a "real" name, although not her birth name.

from http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/person.html

mary43

Aril - beautiful post as ever and much of what was said I found very applicable to me at the moment. I particularly liked this one:

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

It's something I think I need to really work on at the moment. My liking of myself is a bit shaky just now and I need to get it back to where it was.


Steel -

It's surprising how many incidents there are every day where you do things not because you want to but because you feel obliged to. Where people make you feel bad for not doing what they want you to do. When I realised this I understood my need for simplicity was really a need to start doing things I wanted to do and less of what others try to manipulate me to do.

This really hit home to me and I think I needed a bit of a reminder of this.
Having just been to see my counsellor much was talked about my childhood and the relationship between me and my brother and Mum. Very draining but also very useful ............think we're getting through. It'll take some time but I'll get there, I know it. Feel much more confident about it all.

ceridwen - inner resources...........interesting one. I often wonder how some people cope in difficult situations and strangley, there are some who wonder how I cope - just when I feel I'm not. I must give off the appearance of someone 'in control' of life at all times when in reality I'm not.
Yesterday I started sorting through Dad's music...........had a laugh at some of the bits and pieces I found and the whole experience was fun. Today ? Not so..............maybe it's because I've been to see the counsellor ? Not sure but I'm sitting here with some of the papers I found and feel so reluctant to let go of them, let alone venture back upstairs into the spare room and clear out the rest. I'm determined I'll only keep the music my dad wrote himself and not the rest and its even in piles of whats to go where...........it's just the act of getting rid thats hard. OH said he'll help when he gets back so hopefully, a load will be lifted from me. His suitcase won't be empty but they'll be room in it for whatever really personal things I feel the need to keep.
The rest are destined to be popped into a Jiffy bag (largest size I think) to my son and the music shop in town - if they don't want them, then freecycle might well have someone interested. Might just keep a few sheets to give the 'tea' treatment to for making some cards.
Course, all this is if I can convince myself that Dad wouldn't mind me getting rid of stuff he'd kept for years. In the back of my head is a little niggle about that.