Simplifying Life

starling

I've just spent an afternoon reading through all 91 pages of this thread (off work ill, and alone in the house) Just thought I'd say well done to the lot of you. It is amazing to see just how much some of you have accomplished in the past few months! .....Groatie you have my respect, shifting all those books - that is my own particular Achilles' heel too.
It was a pleasure to read so many inspiring stories, from so many sensitive and supportive people!!

... now going to lie down in a dark room to get over the marathon reading session .....

groatie_queen

Yes, starling, re shifting out all those books, I would hate to do it all again!! As it is, I find I'm still weeding out books, but not in such large quantities and not all at once! I hope you soon feel better, and well done on your marathon read.

Here is a poem from Helen Keller, on life's challenges:

FACING FATE

Security is mostly a superstition.

It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men
as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run
than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
To keep our faces toward change and
behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate
is strength undefeatable.

Every time I read that I tingle with inspiration!

Charis

Today I have finally managed to let go of things of my late husband's that I had saved for nearly fourteen years. I kept telling myself that my son would like to have them when he was older. He has taken a few but the rest meant nothing to him. He was less than three when his dad died. I think I was really trying to hang on to the past and am glad I can now let it all go.

I am cured of my obsession with books. I still love them but can go into a bookshop and come out empty handed. If I want something to read I can get it from the charity shop and take it back there later. I will still avoid the stationer's for a while. We all have our weak spot . I am beginning to appreciate those empty spaces Ceridwen mentioned. It's lovely not to have to cram things into the storage boxes. Some have even got room left in them.

I have decluttered my life in other ways too. I had a demanding voluntary job that was causing me too much stress. I was reluctant to give it up as I felt my identity was tied to it but I left at the end of March. I do feel a bit strange and it's tempting to dive straight into something else, but it's a bit like being on the rebound from a relationship. Maybe I need some time just for me first.

Coincidentally I've also had to pull out of what had been a fairly close relationship until very recently, which has not been easy. It's been a life-changing few months for me and this thread came at just the right time.

I am going to have to simplify in ways I had not foreseen, with the rising food, fuel and council tax bills and a possible drop in income with the loss of the 10% income tax band. At least now I am home more I can cope with growing a few things in the garden.

The one change I am really looking forward to is some better weather. The brief spell we had last week gave me so much energy. There is still that corner in the garage I have been avoiding thinking about...:eek:

Do you know, looking at the title of my post and thinking about what has happened since Christmas reminds me of learning to ice skate and learning to swim. It was only when I could muster the faith to let go of the sides that I learned the joy of both.

amaseal

Charis, you are inspiring and have a lot of courage, I wish you well. I only wish that I could embrace change as well as you and let go of all the "stuff" that holds me back.

groatie_queen

I was very moved by your post Charis. It's totally natural and understandable that there had to be a passage of time before you could deal with letting go. With a life partner, the ties are so strong, and at the time of loss, we feel these symbols of their lives are all we have left of our loved ones, and they are rightly very important to us. I think we need these talismans while we adjust to their physical absence. Now (for me) my loved ones are around me in spirit, and that is more of a comfort these days than what they left behind. but I needed the markers of their lives while I adjusted.

I've not posted so much lately due to an upsurge in health challenges, cue for more simplifying. I realised that I had been overdoing it, not with clearing out the books!! That felt really good, and I stuck to 27 a day, so it didn't overwhelm me. For the first time ever, I had to use the local out of hours service - I was VERY impressed with the speed and care I was looked after.

I had been supporting a friend who had an operation and couldn't drive for a while. So I took her in shopping she needed, cooked some meals for her, and took her out in the car. She was dumping some of her anger about it on me, which is understandable, but she was doing it in a very unpleasant way which seemed calculated to hurt. At the same time she made it plain that she had other friends whose company she much preferred! So I've taken the hint and backed off. She's someone I've given a lot of practical help to over the years, and I've only recently realised that it has been lop-sided, and the basis of mutual affection and respect that I had believed was there, isn't in fact on her part. I'll still keep in touch, but from a distance - at present I need to take care of me.

Household simplifying - I've stopped buying kitchen towels and have a supply of old face flannels which I'm using for all those quick swipes I used the kitchen towels for. I'm not missing the tumble drier, and I've turned the radiators down again - this has been a gradual tweaking exercise.

Today is my birthday and my sister has simpified by sending me a jacquie lawson e-card instead of a smail mail card - it is absolutely delightful - we are cat nuts and the card is suitably themed. My daughter sent me an email from Oz which was waiting in my inbox too and that meant the world to me.

Today is a work day, but is looking good, two good tasks to do, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, in pleasant company both times!

I hope today brings you many blessings.

GQ xxx

Rowan9

Happy birthday groatie queen:bdaycake:
How fabulous to have an ecard at this time - it really embraces simplifying! You are wise to step back from the friend at this time. Sometimes you have to look after yourself and see what is happening in your life to cause angst of one kind or another. Sorry to hear that you have had more health challenges. Look after yourself. oohh by the way, what a wonderful quote - have written it into my book. Really good!

Charis - wonderful, inspiring post. I am so pleased for you that you have found that this is the time to 'let go of things' as you have said. You are right, it takes time and you know when that time is right. I really admire you for your strength. You're right about a change in the weather being needed!!!

Starling - poor you being off sick! This thread is indeed long, isn't it? I must go back to the start sometime and read through it again.

amaseal - the time will come when it's right for you to let go of 'stuff'. In the meantime, keep posting and you might find some ideas which help a bit. Hope so anyway.

Ceridwen - I have been thinking about your post re stuff going out but also coming in. I hadn't thought about it as I have been concentrating on what I saw as 'simplifying' but actually it IS about getting more of the much-needed stuff in, isn't it? I'm sure you're right about the recession. It's going to be a time of changing priorities for many people. I've also been using up all bits of toiletries etc - there are so many half used! I don't think I need to buy soap, shower gel or shampoo for the rest of this year. I plan to go back to just soap (although OH likes shower gel so we'll see) as one of the things I'm striving for is less plastic in the house - in the bathroom to start with anyway. Ideally I'd go back to using a Lush bar for my hair but they tended to dry out my scalp.
Finally - yes, it's great to see clear spaces instead of having stuff on them - I've even got rid of ornaments! Wow - it's so much easier to keep the place clean. Here is a little treat for you - an excerpt from my 2003 diary
'Just feel overwhelmed by chaos in the house and feeling that I never seem to get anything done.'
oooh lucky you lot reading that. I'm just a fairly ordinary person (!) so my chaos was not one of those TV programme types, just stuff and having no energy to clean, although it wasn't exactly filthy. I can compare that to now- things have been tricky in my life recently but at least this time I have an uncluttered house and it's cleaner and this is helping me find peace.

over and out!
w

mary43

starling - hope you feel better soon

groatie queen - love the quote, thanks for that one. Its worth keeping.
And a very happy birthday to you _party_ (have a party hat & whistle....you've already got a cake...........lol)
You've done so well with your 'simplifying' you deserve to have a brilliant day and make sure you spoil yourself rotten.
How right you are to decide not to be at someone's beck and call if its not appreciated. It's good that you keep in touch..........maybe when your friend feels better in herself she will see things differently. So many people turn into the 'selfish' mode when they're ill.
Take time out for you for a change.

charis - you're very strong to 'let go' after all those years. My first husband died in 1973..........not a great person for possessions so I have very little of him except photographs, a little cupboard he made at school and a plant trough he made for mum and dad that I now have -and of course a lot of memories both for me and my boys. The cupboard and trough I can't bring myself to part with...........the cupboard can be made use of and the trough ? Well.........I think I'll re-vamp it a bit with a pot of paint and put some imitation greenery in it..........at the moment its become a hot spot for anything !
And bit by bit I'm letting go of my Dad.............been 8 years now and some stuff is just that......'stuff'. If it's not personal then it's going. One son had a little box full among his birthday bits and was thrilled with them. The other one has been offered the same but declined all but a few things and I'm ok with that. His personal stuff, diaries and such, I'll keep but they're in a box on a shelf taking up so little space I hardly notice and don't feel they're cluttering my life.
My computer room on the other hand is..............my back is playing me up and the thought of attempting it is too daunting but our ex foster lad has been doing the garden once a week for a few quid and I'm sure he'd be happy to help me de-clutter this little room of mine. In fact, I think he'd find it fun and as he's just getting over a mental illness it could be a bit of a tonic for him.

amaseal - you'll find the right time to 'let go' and there's plenty of help and support on here for you when that time comes.

wmf- I think you're right about all of us having to cut back in the not too distant future so it's wise to stock up on things now which is what we've been doing.
We'll have to slow down on that a bit now as OH has just come in from his part time job............seems the workshop was burnt down last night........tools, everything.............so now he has no work ! Means a bit less money and OH's feeling very bad about it all. He enjoyed doing his little job, it got him out of the house which he needed ...........in fact he'd only just gone back because of his bad back.
Still, a bit less cash will not be the end of the world..............our mortgage will be paid off come October so if we can tighten out belts a bit till then well survive.
Main thing is, no-one was injured in the fire thank goodness.
Goods can be replaced, people can't.

EagerLearner

Mary43 - are you in Brighton by any chance?

mary43

No..............what made you think that ?

Rowan9

oooh mary it wasn't me who brought up the recession - think it was ceridwen - it made me think though so i commented on it!