Money Moral Dilemma: Should we ask the bride & groom to help with the cost of attending the wedding?

MSE_Sarah

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My wife agreed to be her friend's maid of honour, but the bride has since divulged that the wedding will be in Cyprus. It will cost more than £2,000 to attend, and mutual friends have declined invites because of this, so we won't know anyone else there. Given the bride was my wife's maid of honour, and we got married locally and paid for as much as we could at the time, should we ask the bride and groom to make a contribution towards our costs?

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LunaLater

No.

What you can do is say that you are going to struggle,to afford it, or maybe have only your wife travel.

oldernonethewiser

No.

Just tell them it is not financially possible for you to attend.

powerful_Rogue

As above, Just tell them you can't afford it so sadly won't be able to attend.

elsien

The bride and groom must know that having a wedding abroad is not going to be affordable for some of their friends and family. So if they choose to go ahead, they shouldn't be surprised if people say no.

I don't think she should ask for a contribution, but if your wife does want to go (it's not clear whether this is an affordability issue, a "don't want to go because she won't know anyone issue" or a bit of both) she needs to be honest with her friend about the difficulty. 

Also  your wife is the main invitee and not you - if your wife wants you to go along for company then that's her decision and not that of the bride and groom. 

 The bride may offer to cover some of your wife's costs without being asked if affordability is a genuine factor. But as the plus one who doesn't need to be there,  yours are down to you. 

Merlin139

Also as above, point out that while it would be great to attend and for your wife to carryout the role of maid of honour.

Its not something that you feel you can go into debt to do.

Obird63

It's all been said already - you've just got to be honest and say so if you can't afford it. Personally with the economic situation as it is, I think it's completely unreasonable for someone to expect a friend to shell out £2000 to go to their wedding unless their financial situation is such that it would make no difference... 

JennyC89

No. You shouldn’t do that. Ever. 

MPHodson

Pretty damn cheeky to ask without disclosing the location if she knew. If she didn’t, then when she decided on Cyprus she should have talked to your wife and asked if she was still OK with it.

Outrageous behaviour.

Make your decision - and don’t feel guilty if you (politely though it barely merits that) decline. Don’t ask for money though. Go or stay.

Ed264

The bride should have told your wife from the outset that the wedding was to be in Cyprus. As it seems you will struggle to find this sort of money, I would be straight-up and inform them that you're unable to attend.   

REJP

As with many other answers, "No, if you can't afford it, don't go". Also your friend will be paying a large amount of money for her Cyprus wedding, it is unlikely she can afford to pay for someone to be her Maid of Honour.  As for asking the bride and groom to contribute towards the costs of your UK wedding, why should they?