MeandO's money-shuffling

MeandO

Thank you for all the virtual love and support, you are all so kind. 💕

Sorry to worry you, @Skint_Yet_Again. I'm doing ok today, thank you for thinking of me.

I spoke to DS's head of year and wellbeing mentor (or whatever they call them) yesterday. I explained what's been going on and she was very helpful. She is speaking to DS in registration this morning and he has agreed to sit in her classroom for the first lesson as she has a non-teaching period, do some past papers and talk to her instead of going to his timetabled maths lesson in which we think he has a bit of a problem with the teacher. She wanted to get to the bottom of what is making him agitated about school (particularly the maths teacher).
I also confided in her about DS's disrespect and anger at home, she listened and offered advice and said she will see what she can do with DS. She suggested he talks to someone in their wellbeing 'hub' and is going to see if she can persuade him to do so. His father and I have both suggested the same and he refused, but may take it better from a teacher.

This morning was a breeze compared to yesterday. There was a little bit of attitude but nothing out of the ordinary for a teenager and he went to school fine. We chatted a little in the car, he was making plans he's looking forward to and he seemed happy enough.

Strangely, I slept like a log for a good few hours, I think it was utter exhaustion. I've had a coffee and will get some breakfast soon, I just don't feel hungry at the moment. I took some painkillers last night as I had such a headache and the back of my throat has felt uncomfortable ever since, almost as if something's stuck there. I'm sure nothing is, but it's a horrible sensation and not making me feel much like eating at the moment.

The weather is sunny but cool - calm ahead of the forecasted storm - so I've put yesterday's damp washing out to dry and there's another load in the machine at the moment which will join it when done. I don't feel the need to put the heating on yet today and the windows are open to let some fresh air through the house.

Unfortunately I'm not sure how long it will take for a diagnosis, @Skint_yet_Again, but the referral letter I had said it could take up to 12 months just to get an appointment due to the waiting list being so long. 😕 I'm going to keep a diary of my symptoms in the meantime so that I can show the consultant when I do see them. It feels like new symptoms are popping up weekly at the moment. :(

I had to pop to &sda this morning after dropping DS off as the fridge was resembling Mother Hubbard's. We had a small bit of milk left which I saved to make DS a hot drink this morning - I meant to pick up milk yesterday but didn't get to a shop after everything that happened - and we needed fruit, some veg and, you've guessed it, more yogurts! 😯 I had to put the shop on the CC for now as the bank balance is not on my side after having to top up DS's school dinner money yesterday and paying for a 'compulsary' school trip as part of one of the subjects DS has taken. I'd normally have funds in the 'school' pot to cover these things but that is also empty. :(
Gosh, every pot feels empty at the moment, even the non-physical, emotional 'getting on with it' one.

Anyway, we're still here, the sun is doing its best to shine on us and 'on with it we must get.'

Much love and thanks to you all xx

Skint_yet_Again

I’m pleased you spoke to the school and hopefully they can help him if he has someone to speak to who is not a parent. But remember you need to look after yourself too. It’s not easy and takes time but please reach out to helplines if you need to speak to someone.

Have you thought about making your own yoghurt?

debtfreewannabe321

I'm glad the school are on board they can be really helpful if you have a nice person in charge of wellbeing/ safeguarding. I hope they help. My daughter used the school counsellor I think she had six free sessions after her step mum passed away. I do think kids struggle with break ups but it does always seem to be the mum that gets it in the neck for it rather than equally mum and dad! Which isn't fair.

If you're not hungry maybe have something light like soup. You'll be swinging from adrenaline to adrenaline crash and you will be burned out in no time if you don't fuel yourself. 💓

foxgloves

That is a lovely magazine, @MeandO. I sometimes treat myself to a copy too. I used to have the most dreadfully extravagant magazine habit back in the Spendy Era, but now I have a fortnightly affordable gardening one (source of lots of my free seeds!) & just treat myself occasionally to a random monthly one which takes my fancy. I always have a riffle through first though, to check there is enough to read to justify the money, & the mag you mention does have proper articles & is, I think, a nice calming, mindful one. I get fed up with magazines which waste several pages on pictures of things we might want to buy. Christmas magazines are a good example of this….a page of presents for her, presents for him (a very gendered approach doesn't go down well in our house), presents for children, teens, or it might be presents under £10, under £20, under £50, under £75, etc. And I think, honestly, they could have fitted at least 2 interesting long articles into those pages! I do like magazines that are not all about BUYING a lifestyle because life is about so much more than purchasing things. I'm so glad you treated yourself to a magazine & there should be no guilt over this at all. Perhaps a subscription to this magazine could be a lovely gift if anyone asks what you'd like for Christmas or birthday? We all need & deserve a treat now & again……..& we also need to feed ourselves a few nutrients. I know you were very stressed & sad but surviving a day on 2 flipping crumpets is not a helpful way forward. Even if you don't feel like food, keeping your blood sugar stable will help with anxiety & mood, so is very much worth doing - I find peanut butter on a slice of wholemeal toast is a good go-to as it has protein & carbs so it's a nice quick 'survival though a horrible day' sort of food.

Hope the school intervention can help the situation a little. Either your son has been stewing on some issues for a long time which have all bubbled up, or there is something anxiety-inducing at school & he is keeping a lid on it there, but it's then exploding out at home in a safe environment….except this takes away YOUR right to a calm reasonable time at home too, so the situation really does need to improve. I hope it does. I don't have children, but worked with them, & teens & parents for many years (am a proud Aunty Foxgloves, though) X

Smudgeismydog

Oh @MeandO , I’m so sorry to hear how tough its been, he really is testing you

Whilst I previously (and still) advocate continuing to show up for him and being his biggest cheerleader, this does not mean letting him treat you like a doormat. I completely understand and empathise with the mum guilt re; the divorce and how his childhood was not the one you might have envisaged for him, but this does not mean you should now be at his beck and call.

He is old enough to re-heat his own food, if he eats all the yoghurts you’d bought for the week in a few days, then he can go without until your next planned shop. Is he able to get himself to school or do you have to drive him due to distance?

You are worthy of being treated better, sending hugs ❤️

MeandO

You’re such a lovely bunch, thank you all for thinking of me.

I’m Ok. Yesterday was not a good day. After school went horribly wrong from the moment DS got in the car to be picked up from school, 😥 but I don’t want to dwell on it. We’re trying to move forward instead of looking back.

DS is here for another hour or so and no wars yet today, so I’ll take it.

@Skint_yet_Again great idea, my sibling used to make yogurt! Alas, they’re specific ‘protein’ yogurts DS eats, he won’t touch many types 😐️ so I don’t think it would be feasible.

@debtfreewannabe321 I took your advice and had the remainder of the soup OH made. It is the only meal I’ve had, but was full of veg and nutrition so a good option to have. :)

@foxgloves I also dislike the ‘buy me’ pages in magazines. Interestingly, I picked up a couple of super cheap back issues of said magazine on eBay, they were from around 5-10 years old and were much more ‘product’ orientated. I’m glad the format has changed, I wouldn’t have bothered to subscribe if it was still like that.

I think you may be right about DS having issues which have bubbled up to the surface, too. He’s dragged up decisions I made back when he was 4 or 5 and the divorce and all sorts. I feel so sad if he’s had all that inside him for so long. :( I don’t know how the chat with school went unfortunately, there was no chance of getting anything out of him yesterday and school haven’t been back in touch.

@Smudgeismydog yes, I’m being so wary of trying not to over compensate and be treated like a doormat.
School is about a 40 minute walk away but he does walk home sometimes. I did threaten him having to walk to school in future though if he doesn’t get ready on time!

MeandO

It’s payday so I’ve sent funds to the various pots. Money is already looking tight! 😫 I’ve increased the petrol budget by £30 😕 but can’t afford to increase the food budget really. I’ll just have to try my best to stretch things.

I’ve sent £150 to the ‘debt’ which now stands at £2650, but this will reduce considerably soon as I have made a decision about next year’s plans. I didn’t want to cancel, but have downscaled what we will be doing. It will mean less time away, more space for DS and his friend and it will be more manageable for us. It is also less money, so I will be getting a refund of around £1300. Most of that will go towards the ‘debt’, some of it will have to cover the spending CC on which I had to put petrol and groceries this past month. :(
I feel much happier about this decision though, it’s like a small weight has been lifted.

OH had to go out last night and I went with him just to get out of the house. Whilst there, I found a duvet set for my Parents for Christmas - they are short on them as had got rid of a few. I saw it a few weeks ago but it was quite pricey but was now reduced to £17. :)

I also bought an item for DS for Christmas, a duplicate of which I bought on the big river site, but it was half the price in store yesterday! I’ve initiated a return for the Amazon item and boxed it up to send back. I’ll be £9 better off for doing so.

Lastly, a spare king size duvet cover and pillowcases for myself was reduced to £4. It is pink and covered in strawberries - not my usual style but I liked it, especially at that price!

OH cooked me food last night and made sure I ate something. We were both shattered, so asleep by 9pm, but I don’t feel well rested. OH has a bit of a cold so was snuffling most of the night.

Keep safe in this storm, all. I’m so glad I secured the big garden gates a little more last week. I’m praying they hold.

Much love x

debtfreewannabe321

Evening @MeandO I hope you have a good weekend, is DS at his dad's home for the entirety of it?

My DH has the sniffles too and my gawd everyone knows it 😆.

Sounded like you've made some good decisions to reduce holiday and therefore spends and in turn the CC. You'll have it gone before you know it. Will you be much better off every month having paid it off? As that would be helpful to your budget I'm sure 😊.

MeandO

Happy Saturday all,

It’s blowing a hoolie outside and is WET. I’m feeling very grateful we have a comfortable, warm home to shelter in whilst the weather is wet and wild outside. I hope everyone is safe, warm and well.

I feel for you @debtfreewannabe321 (and DH of course!), my OH has man flu too and it’s a joint ‘event!’ 🤣

I won’t be better off every month unfortunately as I’ll be paying the same amount monthly, it will just be cleared more quickly though. :) I’m surprised how much happier I feel after making the changes, it must have been weighing on me heavier than I realised.

DS is back now and it’s like a storm has cleared from within him. He is joking, laughing with me, engaging and being back to his usual self. I have even had a few hugs in the past few hours. 😍 I think there was more going on at school and with friendship groups/a girl he liked 🙄 than we realised. He has dropped hints about a few issues which now seem to have been resolved for him.
It’s no excuse for his behaviour lately, but teens work in odd ways don’t they. I’m not for one moment thinking this will be the last of the attitude and emotion, but it’s nice to see that he’s still there underneath what we’ve been experiencing lately.

Weather like this makes me want to stay in and bake, so I picked up some more caster sugar earlier and plan on baking something cakey later. I also bought some ready made pastry to make a pumpkin pie tomorrow. I am not faffing making pastry.

I have ordered a couple of Christmas gifts today for DS and a birthday gift for my Mum. The items for DS were 20% off today which equated to quite a lot, so I’m pleased with that discount. I went via a points site to get points too. I need to transfer money from the gifts pot to the CC shortly. I’m not very good at doing this as I don’t like seeing the pot diminish, but that is what it’s been saved for.

I’m sat in my comfiest chair with me (electric) wood burner on and am going to start on this month’s magazine edition. It’s the perfect day for staying in and enjoying my mortgage as they say!

Much love x

debtfreewannabe321

I don't faff with pastry either! Enjoy your Saturday, so glad your DS is in better spirits 😊!