MeandO's money-shuffling

MeandO

Happy Friday!

I thought I'd have a good night's sleep being home alone, but my body had other ideas and I think I woke up every hour. I was still lying awake two hours after going to bed despite feeling really tired, so am not feeling refreshed today but have got on with it none the less. I threw myself in the shower first thing this morning to wake up and wash my hair, threw a coffee down my neck and went to work. An 8 mile trip took an hour, thanks to the traffic. 😑

Another of DS's items sold overnight on flebay for £10, so that's another item out of the house and another £10 in his bank account. I've withdrawn funds from ebay so will use it to pay down the debt shortly.

MeandO

Just sent £161 to the 'debt' to get it down to £2800. I've had to keep the remainder of the ebay money back to top up the petrol and groceries pot for this next week as both are empty. :(

MeandO

Happy Saturday all,

I had a lovely evening last night. OH and I met up with several friends last night in our local ‘Spoons and put the world to rights. A few of our friends are having difficult times of it at the moment so it was nice to let them chat and show our support to them. It was lovely to catch up with everyone but I’m so tired today as it was a late night.

DS has returned from his Dad’s this morning with a bag full of dirty washing this morning 😐️ so that’s been washed and is now out on the line. It’s a sunny, breezy day, so I’m hoping most of it will dry outside. The temperature has certainly dropped here though and I put the heating on for 10 minutes this morning, just to take the chill off. I was relieved it worked first time on.

I’ve done all the ironing that needed doing this morning. None of the washing on the line will need ironing as it’s mostly gym and sports wear. That’s how I like it!

I had to do another top up shop this morning as we needed milk, fruit, more flippin’ yogurt, etc. I picked up some YS sourdough, some sausages and some chicken, the latter of which I will cook for DS tonight. I forgot to buy broccoli and carrots which I need for this evening so will have to pop out and get some later. I need to try and make the £15 odd I have in my purse last this week, so it will be absolute essentials only. I am desperate to look at the budget again as I know I need to try and find some more money from somewhere, but until I know what my slight pay rise means in terms of monthly take home pay, I will struggle to know what I have to cover everything.
I really fancied having a go at making a pumpkin pie this weekend, but I can’t afford to buy non essentials presently so it can wait. Maybe until post Halloween when pumpkins are sold off. :)

Oh, one positive though - OH and I both scanned my rewards app which means we collected another £3 towards the Christmas savings pot. Then, I won £5 on the app game Asda are currently promoting so that’s £8 in the Christmas savings pot today. :)

The eBay sale from yesterday has been wrapped and the £10 from that sent to DS’s account. I’ll drop it off at the postal shop later today.

DS is not in the best of moods again. 😔 I’ve cooked him a nice breakfast this morning, then more pancakes, so he’s been waited on and fed, so I will reluctantly leave him well alone now until he decides to surface. I hate this feeling of being like solitary strangers in the same house, but he wants space and me trying to engage just seems to annoy him, so I don’t have much choice. I worry he spends too much time ‘bed rotting’ and scrolling on his phone, but I tell myself he does a lot of physical activity most days and is involved in sports teams etc and has lots of lovely friends. I just wish he would put the damn phone down now and then and do something else. I’ve tried confiscating, limiting and talking to him about it but it never goes well. 😕

Time for another coffee I think. Maybe that will help lift me a little. I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend so far. Xx

MeandO

Well, today didn’t go well, it was another tough one, 😥 More tears and tantrums tonight, to put it mildly.
I’ve identified that his weapon of force is saying I’m an awful parent and ‘not the best as a Mother’ as he knows it upsets me the most, but I was more prepared for it this evening, although the tears came as soon as he was out of sight. His words and cruel nature towards me break me heart. I told him that I know I’m a good Mum because I love him unconditionally and would do anything for him, even when he’s being this unkind to me.
I canI feel battered again, like I’ve been 10 rounds in the ring with a rhino. I’m sat in bed in Pj’s now, have a hot cuppa with a spoonful of honey in and am closing my bedroom door and going to sleep soon.

OH has been here and supported me again today and even the ex was supportive during a phone call. OH has only just gone home despite being shattered himself. He wanted to stay until everything was calmer. He cooked two whole chickens today that were on offer, stripped the meat off and left one here for us. I will freeze the cooked meat and use it in some curries and risottos this coming week.

All of the washing dried on the line and has been folded and put away, well, is in DS’s room. Whether he’s put it away or not is up to him!
The eBay parcel was posted earlier and a couple more items have gone in the charity bag. I would like to try and get some more items listed on eBay within the next few days after the success of this past week’s items, although I’m not expecting anything to make as much as those.

I haven’t mentioned it before, but I’m having serious thoughts about cancelling the holiday I’ve booked to take DS and his friend on next year. It’s not as a consequence for the behaviour lately, but if DS is anything like he is now when we go away it will be an absolute nightmare. The type of holiday planned means I need to be able to trust that DS will act maturely for the most part and will be communicative which is not a skill he’s exhibiting right now. We would be going to various destinations and they would be in foreign, unfamiliar locations and unsupervised at times and If I’m going to be responsible for the safety of someone else’s teen too, then I have to be able to trust that they will both listen and follow instructions and I don’t have that at the moment with DS. He thinks he knows everything and just will not do what I ask him to do nine times out of ten, especially in front of his friends.
I shared my concerns with OH this evening as he is also coming with us and he agreed with me and had the same concerns. The major drawback is that I will lose a lot of money if I cancel - £1200 - but at the moment, that seems to be a better option to me than proceeding with it as I am really concerned. He wasn’t like this when I booked it, but if I leave it much longer to cancel, I will lose a much larger amount of money. The boys will also be so hugely disappointed too. I am wondering if I can book something simpler instead such as a single destination trip where they will be safer to have their own freedom. It’s so hard to know what to do for the best.

Anyway, I’m done in for today. Tomorrow is a new day.

Much love all x

debtfreewannabe321

Dear @MeandO we seem to have parallel lives sometimes. Although I'm a little further ahead. I would sit DS down and explain the situation to him as an adult and tell him what you're thinking and that you couldn't take him away whilst he's displaying attitude like he is currently. I wouldn't make it a choice but I would be telling him in no uncertain terms if he's not bucked up his ideas of what a good attitude is to have in the home within a certain period then it will.be cancelled. He doesn't need to know you're under time pressure to cancel. Perhaps that's what is needed to turn him around. And you won't lose the money you've put into it.

I confided in my ex several times when ds was being a pain here a few years back and every word I said was twisted and turned and eventually used against me. My struggles were turned into lies used for his advantage. I hope your ex is nicer than mine.

Praying Sunday is good to you 🙏🏻

ArtyJ931

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82172052#Comment_82172052

No judgement but genuine thoughts - maybe it’s time for him to be responsible for a bit more. He’s clearly seeking some independence from you and pulling away. Maybe it’s time for him to wash his own clothing and start making some of his meals. He isn’t of an age where he needs someone doing these basic self care jobs for him and should be able to manage himself. And starting to move towards adulthood and independence, with you there to support him, now is an ideal time. How much of the general chores around the house you both live in is he also doing?

There is a risk that he may be starting to develop a sense of entitlement if he is being looked after a lot, when he is perfectly capable of looking after himself in many ways. It’s a tightrope being a caring and supportive parent but giving them responsibility and ownership and showing them that it is not acceptable to expect someone else’s needs to be second to theirs all the time. And also being a nice and decent person is really important.

I agree re the conversation above too.

It’s a constant balancing act and figuring out of your relationship in the teenage years, I know from experience, and is so tricky - the above are suggestions nothing more - you know your son the best :)

Newstartforme

Hope Sunday was a bit better for you Meando . So sad to hear what you continue to go through . I would lay your cards on the table regarding holiday , you cannot spend the next year wondering if it will be safe to go etc . Better to lose the smaller amount. Take care xx

Four_Seasons

Hope things are ok with you. Sending love and gentle hugs x

foxgloves

Thought of you at the weekend, @MeandO, as the Guardian ran an article about problems sellers are having with a certain online site, including having their accounts banned/blocked. It's clearly affected other people too.

MeandO

Hello and thank you for your posts @debtfreewannabe321, @ArtyJ931, @Newstartforme, @Four_Seasons and @foxgloves. OH mentioned the same article @foxgloves, it seems they’d rapidly making lots of enemies and limiting their customer base! Flebay has been more successful than I expected it to be for us, albeit things take a bit longer to sell on there if listed as BIN’s. I have a few more things to list when I can summon the energy, so hopefully a bit more money will be made from those. I don’t miss the daft offers and flaky buyers on the other site, either.

Sunday was a better day, thanks all. I had chance to reset a bit as DS was with his Dad for most of the day and OH did a grand job at looking after me. We had a calm, pottering sort of day. I did get to see DS briefly late afternoon and he was much more like his old self, I even got a hug, so I think we’re definitely in the peak of mood swings at the moment. This was the case last night too, but I am doing my best to react with kindness and trying not to get wound up or take things personally and the situation seems to de-escalate more quickly.
we have had a couple of lovely moments since Sunday too, so I will try and focus on those to get me through the not so lovely times.

Your thoughts were spot on @ArtyJ931 and are always gratefully received with the supporting nature with which they were written. DS has got very entitled and it is mine and his father’s fault (mostly mine if I’m being completely honest). We’ve brought him up trying to make up for the fact his upbringing was much less than the picture we always thought it would be. I had incredible Mum guilt for him being shuffled between two houses and having divorced parents, a narcissistic father and a Mum who was probably emotionally broken for a long time, so over compensated and did most things for him. I can see that now and am trying to instil responsibility and accountability in him, but I do wish I’d done things differently. Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn’t it.

He is slowly seeing the ‘natural consequences’ as someone put it so well on here a little while ago. I am trying to hold tough on those learning curves so he understands consequences of his actions, even if they are tiny things. I am also trying to treat him like an adult with regards to responsibilities. He had a dr’s appointment yesterday which required him to discuss and sort something with reception first. Normally I would have stepped in, but I just gave him a lift to the surgery, gave him advice of what to say when he asked for it and let him go himself whilst I picked up things (yes, yogurts! 🤔) at the supermarket next door. He was fine and I think it gave him a bit of confidence.

OH made a huge pan of soup on Sunday, some of which I’ve frozen but the rest I’m slowly working my way through. I had a big bowl full at lunch time as I came back from work so hungry. It was nice to have something healthy and filling to hand, so I am grateful for that.

Work today was hard. I really struggled with the walking and heavy bag today, especially as the weather was not the best too. I am not finding people particular friendly in this new work location either which is a shame. I said hello to three people in the corridors today and not one of them replied or acknowledged me back! Miserable lot.

DS is going out shortly to a school event, so I’ve made him a chicken stir fry with rice for an early tea. I’m still full from the soup so am not thinking of food yet. I’m hoping for a relaxed evening and an early night, I’m exhausted again even though I slept really well last night.