MeandO's money-shuffling

Smudgeismydog

Completely agree with Arty’s comments about this phase of pushing you away being part of their teenage evolution towards independence.

The other thing I remember being told is that they will push the boundaries the hardest with the one person they know won’t ever abandon them. Unfortunately, this means you will get the worst of his behaviour, because he actually feels his relationship with you is his safest. I’m not sure that necessarily makes it easier, certainly with my son, it was so hard, as I have, and will always be, his biggest champion (I was widowed when he was 4).

You are doing a great job, just keep showing up for him, and you will both get through this x

MeandO

Thank you Arty, Skint_Yet_Again and Smudgeismydog.

Arty, the dehumidifier is definitely doing something in that it’s collecting a lot of water. It’s relatively small in size but seems powerful and much more economical than the ancient one I have upstairs which was given to me by my parents. They moved house 10 years ago now and had no need for it in their new (super warm & dry) bungalow they bought compared to the not very well insulated big house we all grew up in, so the old one must be at least 15 years old. I’d definitely recommend one for ridding a house of too much moisture and maybe helping dry the clothes ever so slightly more quickly! The one I bought had a good housekeeping or which recommendation - can’t remember which - and is a 12L one so compact but effective.

Your bread and water comment made me laugh! Perhaps I should keep a notebook of the best teen anecdotes I get, I think I may be able to write a book soon.

Smudge, that must have been extremely hard being widowed when DS was 4. You sound much like me in being your son’s biggest cheerleader. It is so hard when they seem to turn against us. The hardest part for me is not knowing what I’m supposed to have done to deserve it, but I’m starting to realise I may not have actually done anything other than be here and breathing!
Oh what fun this is. 😑

Well, tonight has been….quiet. I lit a nice scented candle and I did the craft thing! If you’ve heard of Book Nooks you’ll know what I’m talking about when I say I’ve been building a model of a bookshop in a book. It has little lights and everything!
When I was a child/young tween I used to love making little models of buildings like shops, houses and stations that I used to buy from model shops after saving my pocket money. I think they were for train sets really, but I just loved the buildings. It was the first hint at my love of architecture and houses and I went onto study 3D design. One more year at uni and I could have been a qualified architect, but I made the wrong decision there and have regretted it ever since. ANYWAY, there are little china buildings and houses all over my house now I’m an adult and I love anything with a house or building on it. One of my favourite possessions is one of the very first KLM dutch houses, made as a prototype to the sets they later started to give away on KLM flights. It belonged to my Grandad and still has the alcohol in it as the seal has never been removed.
I’ve gone off on a tangent again… So I started making the model bookshop tonight. I spent 2.5 hours on it and loved every minute! I can’t wait to do some more tomorrow. :)

As predicted, I only saw DS again when he surfaced for more food. He still had the blasted headphones on and was pretending he couldn’t hear me, so I offered to make him his favourite pancakes, to which I saw him pause, and could see the look of regret at faux deafness spread across his face. He knew he couldn’t break cover!
He made himself a yogurt (will need to buy more again soon 🙄) and fruit bowl, but the flipping raspberries I picked up from Asda yesterday were mouldy before even being opened and still in date again. They are terrible for it. I was going to take them back, but it’s really not worth the drive and I won’t have chance tomorrow.
So DS just had blueberries and banana tonight. He did speak to my Mum when I waved the phone at him and he asked her how she was and sent her love and a ‘get well soon’, so that was nice to hear. He sat in the same room as me to eat his bowl of goodness which I was surprised about, and almost smiled at me when I was laughing at him singing out loud, but then he remembered he was supposed to be angry with me, so went back to grumping and back to his room!

I’ve bid him goodnight now and am in my bed after having a shower. He didn’t really reply but didn’t tell me to go away or get out of his room, so it’s a start…

Hopefully tomorrow’s a better day!

Night all x

ArtyJ931

You did good tonight with him. I would definitely recommend the notebook. At some stage you wont feel so hurt every time (because it’s EXHAUSTING) and then in a few years these things he said which are so outrageous are genuinely amusing to you.

I love little houses and have coveted the book nooks for a long time! We’re twins lol. I even have art on the walls that are houses 😂 I have all the ceramic little houses too. My friends think I’m very weird haha

keep on keeping on. It’ll be ok. If you’d just stop foisting dog food on the poor child

debtfreewannabe321

You're a fabulous mum @MeandO you're still trying to do all the things you know he loves and would need or like when he's being a PITA. ❤️

What these kids never consider in their quest for independence is, mum will end up a nervous wreck walking around on egg shells for years pandering to their every need trying to raise a smile. And it's not nice living in that environment. I hope he cracks a smile soon and realises he could have a much worse home life than what you're providing ❤️. Well done you for keeping on trying.

MeandO

Ooh @ArtyJ931 I have ‘house art’ on the walls too! ❤️🏠️
Your dog food comment really made me laugh! I’m pleased to report yesterday’s hot honey chicken poke bowl was not met with such animosity, in fact I got a ‘Thanks Mum’ for my efforts. 😮

Thank you @debtfreewannabe321. Yes, I’m so tired of walking on eggshells. For those of us that have experienced narcissistic abuse in the past, in can be really triggering, so I think that heightens the anxiety. 😕

Yesterday was a much better day, I even got a couple of very quick hugs or ‘leans in’ and he told me he loved me a couple of times.
Today, however, he’s come home from school in pure A-hole mode and has already laid into me for picking him up and giving him a lift like he asked me to🤷‍♀️and for booking tickets for a sporting event he and his father are going to after school tomorrow, even though he knows I didn’t book them, his Dad did, because DS said he’d like to go! 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️ Teenagers are just plain weird, I don’t understand them. He’s gone straight to his room in a stinking mood (after grabbing a yogurt from the fridge and complaining it’s not in the type of packaging he wanted as he needs a spoon with this type 🙄) and can stay there until he decides he wants to come out. I’m going to do my best to keep my little bubble of calmness around me, my scented candle is already lit! It might be burnt down to a puddle tonight if I have a night of this ahead of me. 😬

He has steak for tea tonight, which I will cook when he can be polite enough to come downstairs and tell me he’s hungry.

I had my first physio session today and have been given some exercise to do. I can’t say I found it particularly helpful, I felt like I wasn’t being listened to, but I will do what’s asked and see if it helps. I have to go back in a month.

MeandO

Had to cut that reply short as DS surfaced, wanting to go to the local out of town shopping area to buy himself some more gym tops as apparently, he has none (he does, but at least it was an hour out of the house!).

@ArtyJ931 don’t got to a home sense shop if you’re trying not to spend money. They have the most beautiful collection of little houses for sale at the moment - china ones, wooden ones, metal ones, light up ones and candle holder ones. It is very unfair of them to do this to me when I have no money, not that I need any more little houses of loveliness, but I do love them so. I did buy a half price scented candle of a brand that I find are the longest lasting scent (not the Yankee variety or similar) for £2.50 which promised ‘Calmness & Serenity.’ If my house is not full of calmness and serenity after burning it, I WILL be taking it back and complaining. 😄😉 It is full of neither at the moment as the shopping trip did nothing to improve one’s mood… instead I got ‘why have you done this?’ (I haven’t). Why have you text that to Dad?! (I didn’t). He asked me for food when he got home then complained he wasn’t hungry when I started to cook. Then complained he didn’t want steak before the gym so is now eating a chicken meal he defrosted. 🤔 I am sitting and lighting my candles and inhaling that ‘good-damn’ calmness and serenity!!!!

OH had the day off today and came with me to the hospital and visited his friend whilst I had physio who recently had a stroke. It was good to hear he is doing much better and is recovering well. After my appointment we went for lunch at a local pub which is known for its Thai food and does a weekday lunch menu, 2 courses for £8.95. We were really looking forward to our lunch out as it’s a rare treat, but unfortunately it was awful and we left really disappointed.
We popped to a larger supermarket after that and the big tubs of yogurt DS prefers were £1 cheaper here than in my local Asda, so I bought 4 family sized tubs which, believe it or not, probably won’t last the week!

I’m looking forward to doing some more work on my book nook this evening. I’m glad you’re a fellow book-nooker, Arty, I’m finding it really therapeutic, although some pieces I’m finding unnecessarily fiddly for my clumsy fingers.

The grocery budget has more or less been used up now with 10 days left of ‘month.’ 😕 I will need to take money from a different pot to cover the overspend without leaving any other pots short. I berate myself for not sticking to the budget, but then this was set when DS didn’t eat so much and when food prices were a lot cheaper. £350 a month with cleaning products, toiletries etc should do two of us, surely though. I just can never seem to make it stretch and I cook 99% of our meals from scratch, we don’t eat junk food or convenience food. Perhaps that’s the expense?! Sigh….

MeandO

Morning all,

I'm on my first coffee of the day, hoping it makes me feel a bit more human. I'm really tired today and in pain after yesterday's physio.

The first load of washing is on, although may be the last for today as I see rain is forecast for this afternoon. I was hoping for a good drying day. There is a whites load to do after this one but it can wait if it has to.

I still haven't put the heating on yet which I think is a first for this time of year. I have been tempted a couple of times, but I just put a big jumper on instead. I asked DS if he was chilly last night as I'd put the heating on if he was cold but he said he was fine too. I'm just thinking of the £'s I can save every day of not having it on.

Today is a rare day in that I will be completely on my own all day from now and and tonight. DS will be with his Dad after school and OH is taking his Dad, Uncle and a couple of friends to an event which finishes late. I asked a friend if she'd like to meet up but she is working late, and another has three kids in tow tonight so I have the strange situation of being home alone with no plans! I'm not sure what to do tbh as I don't want to go out and spend any money. I feel like doing a bit of DIY and getting a project done - my box room needs redecorating which could be done in an afternoon/evening - but I don't have the materials and can't afford to buy paint/paper presently. I may see if the trio of DS's friends' Mums that are lovely fancy coming over for a cuppa or cake, if not, I have exhausted all 'friend' avenues and will just have a quiet night in, probably re-arranging furniture as I tend to do when I'm bored and home alone! 😄

I've just just hung the first load of washing on the line even thought the sky is grey and threatening. I've put the other load in too, will worry about how to dry it after.

One of my ebay items just finished, making £58. That's a great amount of money but the same items usually go for more, I think it was because of the timing of the auction ending, so perhaps I need to consider that more when I list items in the future. The second item should end shortly too and that's up to £78, so I'm really pleased there'll be a good amount of money going off the 'debt.'

DS's behaviour was the epitome of 'mood swings' yesterday, going from hating the sight of me, to later laughing, joking, singing and showing me funny videos, and then crashing back down again a couple of hours later and telling me to go away. 😔 It was the first time I'd really noticed such mood swings in him. It must be exhausting for him too. I tried my utmost to be patient, kind and calm without being a doormat and it wasn't too bad. Exhausting, but without major conflict or tears. This morning was ups and downs, but I kept my tone light and was as helpful as I could be and he was in a good mood when he left this morning, I was even allowed to hug him! This is such a hard period to get through, though.

Oh my goodness, the second ebay lot just finished and has made nearly £190! I'm shocked! That's a big boost and will be a great amount to pay off. I'm over the moon with that. I guess I can get packaging those items up now and get them sent off this afternoon, at least that's something positive to do!

Have a great Thursday all xx

foxgloves

What a fab amount to have from your ebay sales! Shows it was defo worth doing those listings.

Re your son's moods…..I can't comment from a parental point of view as I don't have children & so the teenage thing isn't something I've had to deal with. I've been one, however, albeit a long time ago & was a very argumentative one at that. I do remember though, that I was always worst when I was going through a spell of not liking myself very much & a lot of the time, the worse I behaved, the more I underwent internal recriminations regretting my behaviour, but of course I couldn't have said that, as it'd have meant my parents had won! I recall one occasion when my Dad had upset me over something fairly minor…..I don't remember what caused it but I was really angry & I decided to ignore him for an entire week. It's actually quite difficult to do but I stuck to it all week just giving single-word answers if absolutely necessary. Then I ran into a bit of a problem…..I had an invite to a party at the weekend & couldn't get there without a lift from Dad. I still remember how much I wrestled with having to cave in & ask him for a lift or miss the party. In the end, I went to my Mum & said I'd had an invite but wouldn't be going as Dad probably wouldn't give me a lift. She said, 'Why ever not? As long as it's no later than 1am, he's always happy to drive you there & collect you". I said, "Because I've been ignoring him all week". She said, "Have you? Well, I don't think he's noticed!" That took the wind out of my sails as I remember thinking I'd put all that effort into dramatically staging the ignoring & it hadn't even been noticed!! What a waste of my time, lol! I would like to bet that your son isn't very happy with himself over his bad behaviour towards you, especially when it is obvious from your posts on here how much you do for him, but once on that sulky rude path, it can be difficult to climb down because teenagers (& everyone else for that matter) don't like to 'lose face'. Don't try too hard & I like your determination 'not to be a doormat'. The lesson here for your teenager, I think, is that while you are always there for him, pleasant, acceptable behaviour gets better results (& pancakes!) than unkind, rude, uncalled-for behaviour.

F x

MeandO

Thank you @foxgloves. The tale of your teenage efforts in ignoring your Dad made me smile!
I think you may have something in saying you were worse when you didn’t like yourself very much. DS has text me tonight asking if I can speak to school about him changing teachers in one subject. His usual teacher is off long term and he is not keen on the new teacher and doesn’t feel like he’s learning from him which I think is causing him concerns with his upcoming GCSEs. He’s not the most self confident and I think this may be causing anxieties, so this could be one of the reasons why he’s not been happy this past week. I will speak to the school tomorrow.

I haven’t been out this afternoon/evening other than to post the eBay parcels I wrapped up earlier, so at least they’re now posted. I walked to the post office to save petrol and for the exercise, but I’m so sore today so it was a real struggle. I was glad to get home. I’ve used a few random bits up from the freezer for my tea tonight and am just having an easy night watching some tv. My eyes feel too tired to do any more crafts tonight. I can’t wait to get my pyjamas on and get to bed to be honest, but I have two items being delivered tonight from the big river co and they still haven’t arrived. Oh - have just seen they’re 2 stops away so fingers crossed they’ll be here soon and I can go to bed as I feel exhausted.

Tomorrow I have to go into the office again, not looking forward to the walk in from the car park if I’m this sore. :(

Night all x

MeandO

Amazon order arrived and the packaging is crushed on one item that was a stocking filler for DS for Christmas, so I’ve just contacted customer services and they’ve refunded. That’s £8.40 back on the card.

Now I’m off to bed for sure, am shattered. Night x