MeandO's money-shuffling

debtfreewannabe321

Oh hunny 🫂❤️‍🩹 I wish I could give you a real hug. I don't understand why they pick on mum the most it's so heartbreaking to hear. I'm so sorry this morning was a mess.

My DS tried this (I bet most of our kids have). I just so happened to work at the school he went to though sadly for my DS. 😁 and the safeguarding officer came to see me to see if he was okay (DS step mother was very ill at the time and DS was struggling with it all) ...I said 'oh he's fine being a little **** he refused to come in called me x y z, slammed his door,.smashed his phone, etc and I gave up as I needed to come to work' bless him because he sat me in his office whilst I sobbed and had words with DS when he decided to turn up next day. I wouldn't argue next time let him have the day off and go speak to someone at the school. They're quite helpful if you can find someone in charge of safeguarding or perhaps even his tutor or year lead.

Big hugs. It never rains but pours.

Just a thought as I know you've said your ex is a narcissist, he's probably enjoying the fact you're coming to him distraught and perhaps could be being nice to you but are you sure that what he's saying to your DS is not putting you down in anyway? Only, cos you know, once again, I have the t shirt and my ex was not being very nice about me to ds. My ex played the hero. And I was the soppy woman who couldn't control her emotions.... I hope this isn't true in your circumstances but I would perhaps find someone else DS will listen to and go to them instead for support (perhaps someone at his school?) xxx

Mrs_Money_Penny

oh I’m so so sorry your son is behaving the way he is. I know how upsetting it can be.My daughters in her thirties and still has an odd dig about a couple of things from when she was a child. I just say you will miss me when I’m gone. Sending hugs x

Skint_yet_Again

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82175731#Comment_82175731

Sorry to hear they were no help. Perhaps they were inundated after being mentioned by the “agony aunt” on itv programme this morning. I know when I used MacMillan helpline I got an AI bot first but then was transferred to a human. Maybe worth trying to phone or WhatsApp them? I can just hear your struggle in your posts. ❤️

ArtyJ931

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82175764#Comment_82175764

I would totally back this up - I am almost 100% certain that his dad will be making this worse and manipulating you. It is probably where your son is learning a few things. Be on your guard. Your ex can have a conversation with his son at his house and does not have to invade yours to show himself being father of the year. You don’t need that either. It could be that some strong boundaries need to be drawn up for both of these men to preserve your peace and joy.

I’ve recommended this a few times on here but would massively recommend Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft - there is a lot of information in there about how men like your ex put wedges in between mothers and their children and try to destroy their relationships. Well worth a read I think. Big hugs

MeandO

Thank you all, I understand what you’re saying and appreciate it coming from a place of kindness and support, I really do. I guess I am just desperate for any help and I really have no one else who can talk to DS about things.
As it was, the ex wanted to talk to DS on speaker phone as he was delayed at work. He berated him for being disrespectful to me and told him how disappointed he was in him that he was refusing to go to school and was disrespectful to his Mother. It turned into a 2 hour back and forth between him and DS and I thought we’d got somewhere, until he hung up and DS started again within minutes. Tonight I got told I’m not his mother, only by blood. I think I’ve cried all the tears as I just felt completely numb. I don’t think there’s anything else he can say to me now which will hurt me more. So that’s where we are.

I brought a cup of tea upstairs, got in my pyjamas and am sat in bed with my door shut. DS has already been in and tried to talk to me about something but I’m afraid I was just operating on basic civilities and kept it factual. I can’t go again tonight.

A couple of months ago I subscribed to a magazine after receiving a back copy from a friend which absolutely brightened my month. It’s something I haven’t mentioned, as I feel guilty about it as it’s non essential money spent on myself and I feel incredibly guilty for ‘wasting’ that on myself, but I can’t tell you how much this book is helping my mental health. It’s called ‘Simple things’ and is exactly about that. I read the issue over several days and I am finding it so cathartic. It’s reminding me to focus on the simple pleasures in life, enjoy nature when I can and go back to basics with therapeutic exercises such as cooking and gardening etc. Well, this month’s issue arrived yesterday and I haven’t turned a page yet, I have been waiting for the perfect moment when I need to relax and ‘zone out’ and tonight may be it! I’m going to read an article or two and wind down a bit. OH is also loving the book and reads it after me, then my GP friend, then back to me so I can revisit the recipes or articles when I want to, so it’s getting plenty of use!

I can’t believe how incredibly guilty I feel about saying I’ve subscribed to something for myself. I feel like I’m admitting to some wrongdoing. Sad, isn’t it.

I had some worrying news about my Sister’s health tonight. They have found ‘something’ which could indicate a pre cursor to the type of (terminal) cancer that my darling Dad is living with. I’m terrified. I can’t lose her too and I can’t bare to think of her being so ill.
For obvious reasons she doesn’t want to tell our Parents either as they rely heavily on her and wouldn’t do so if they knew. Numb is the word for tonight.

My rumbling stomach just reminded me I have barely eaten today -a crumpet about 2pm is my sole intake today, I’ve just completely forgotten to eat today. Must do better tomorrow. I hope tomorrow is kinder.
Thank you all again for everything, you are such a lovely lot and the support and love I’m feeling on here is one of the only things keeping me going at the moment, no exaggeration, Thank you, I am so grateful for every one of you. Xx Much love to you all xx

Four_Seasons

Much love to you as well, thinking of you and sending gentle hugs x

debtfreewannabe321

Sleep well @MeandO and you're quite entitled to spend some of the money you earn on a little luxury to yourself each month.

Mrs_Money_Penny

You enjoy your magazine you deserve to have a treat. Sending hugs x

Newstartforme

Sending you hugs and much love Meando , you sound like such a lovely mum and a generally all round good person . You do not deserve any of what you are going through . I hope next weeks visit home brings you some relief and joy at seeing your lovely family. Do try and take care of yourself xx

Skint_yet_Again

MeandO you really sound like you need some help. I reached out to the school and camhs which helped me and gave my DS counselling for the split and the anger. You should not feel guilty for buying a magazine that brings you joy. Involving the school was not detrimental to my son or his future. You sound like you are barely functioning and barely eating.

How are things this morning? Has he gone to school? You must keep yourself as healthy as possible plus fed and warm to get through this. Try not to worry about the heating bill now. How close are you to a diagnosis? Sorry for all the questions just worried about you 😘