Keeping afloat till I can get round to the debts!

slm6002

Does his wages still go into the joint account and then he gets back his spending money (or the extra left over).  I am guessing not and that he is spending bill / food money at the pub rather than his spending money.  I totally sympathise as have been there.  Stay strong, the children will realise who is the one that they can rely on and will be closer to later on.

NeverendingDMP

They used to go in joint account and anything above 450 was sent to his account.  So 125 -200 a week if he did overtime. Then he said he couldn't afford that and started asking for list of bills saying he was only giving 400 to house each week. Gave him the list hoping he'd actually join in the hassle of organizing /caring about them. He pays his petrol,dog insurance. A couple of weeks ago his wages stopped going in the joint account and presumably go into his own. He sent 400 to joint account last week and 300 this week. Next week onwards I m not imagining much as he's fully on ssp now so next pay packets gonna be small. It seems a lot but with mortgage, bills childcare, accounting for food clothing etc it goes quick as with us all. I've been full time since July so actually it's been okay since then as we can afford everything now.  I have now budgeted myself 25 a week for spends although that does disappear into the ether 😂

slm6002

when he is on ssp will he physically not be able to go to the pub?  Being generous and thinking maybe he is just getting pub trips in now while he can before he has to stay away for a while.  Although if like my XH that is not the case.  It is a lot to take on and I kept going somehow, looking after the money and house and kids and XH.  Make sure you get some time for you.  My XH did not like me working as it gave me independence earning my own money even though I was paying off his debts for the 3rd time.

Enjoy your £25 for you 

NeverendingDMP

New day new budget. Shocking that our gas and electricity spend was 270 this month. I'm tracking it each month as jwil said their average per month last year which was much lower so I'll thought I'll work it out this year just to see.  I feel we waste some/are affected by old radiators and draughty windows. We had a smart meter fitted so I can't go back for a full year but I can see the last few months spends. The wind, storms and cold snap has caused the high bill. The other months are still to high but not as bad. In some ways I should be pleased it wasn't higher with the weather we've had ha ha. We are technically in arrears by about fifty quid but that will even out alright. Our water bill is 70 a month and eldest has now decided he wants daily showers as opposed to be forced to wash so expecting that may go up too.
Haven't added up the food spends last week yet. We were under but I used the surplus for some things the kids needed and a couple of small bits towards upcoming b days so nothing to carry over. Have a headache today so waiting for paracetamol to kick in before I do any number crunching 😂 and the budgets is gonna need to be lower now anyways for a couple of months. Sorry I'm waffling a bit. Must go do something not waffle on.
Got our house insurance renewal letter and it's gone up again. Our area had a spate of stupid vandalism so I have suspicions that's affected it. Will go on the renewal sites though as I'm sure there is a better deal to be had. 

jwil

I submitted a gas reading yesterday so I'll see what ours was when they send the bill as I last did it on 31st December.  I haven't done an electric reading as I can't get to the meter (!) but that usage stays fairly constant.  Our boiler is only a year old so probably helps, but we have draughty windows.  Also remember that we are a lot further south than you!

NeverendingDMP

jwil said:

I submitted a gas reading yesterday so I'll see what ours was when they send the bill as I last did it on 31st December.  I haven't done an electric reading as I can't get to the meter (!) but that usage stays fairly constant.  Our boiler is only a year old so probably helps, but we have draughty windows.  Also remember that we are a lot further south than you!

True we are a bit colder up this way although it's a lovely clear day today.  It's a bill I think we could reduce and I know not to directly compare as are five and I think your four but in general I'd rather we have the money than the bills have it ha ha.

MFWannabe

NeverendingDMP said:

MFWannabe said:

NeverendingDMP said:

Payday today. Got back day of almost 300 pounds as we had a pay rise (backdated). Works out at 100 a month extra less tax so what's that 60 a month extra maybe after deductions from now on. I intend to budget properly this month. Set amount per week spending diary etc. I've been full time four months now so we are starting to catch up and cash flow working better. Now we should be able to see what we have to live on without any major catch up costs if you know what I mean. Still got that pesky Xmas thing to sort but aside from that I intend to stick to the budget I've made and see if it works. DH hasn't asked about the budget again so who knows what he is thinking about living to one.

Could you ‘drive’ the conversation with DH? Suggest a budget review as part of his statement of ‘wanting to make it work’? Review could be monthly or more 🤔 

I'll try. Really should be working together on it shouldn't we. That's the point of a budget isn't it 😂 

Morning 
Sorry if this upsets you but have you and husband had any budget discussions since? 

How does he see going to the pub helping with the budget? 

Do you avoid conversations so you don’t get into an argument? 

I feel things will drastically ‘come to a head’ for you one day 😞
Please look after yourself both emotionally and financially x 

NeverendingDMP

MFWannabe sai

Morning 
Sorry if this upsets you but have you and husband had any budget discussions since? 

How does he see going to the pub helping with the budget? 

Do you avoid conversations so you don’t get into an argument? 

I feel things will drastically ‘come to a head’ for you one day 😞
Please look after yourself both emotionally and financially x 

Thanks and everything you say is complete sense. I've tried the budget talks. He seemed sort off interested but then it seemed to become a question of what's all this money doing in accounts why is there so many accounts type conversation like I was hiding it. In particular when we've had to list it for our UC claim.Then he wasn't bothered again. He's just no concept of it all I think. 

UC is an interesting benefit. Both people have to declare everything in joint claim and one person is sent the money. I can understand why a lot of people on this forum are in debt if they aren't running shared finances and one partner earns more. I'd rather be open and work together. With regards to the pub he said he's going to the pub now cos he knows he can't afford it next month. The logic would be to set money aside and not spend the last few months at the pub two or three times a week but hey ho we are all at different stages of our financial journey aren't we. My suspicion is that he will continue to drink at home even when not being able to afford the pub so he will struggle over the next couple of months anyway. Ive told him my concerns about alcohol as well.  Since being full time I've been able to make the budget work and get us on a more even keel. My wage is 400 more than my part time one was so if it wasn't for sick leave we would be starting to do alright. There's a lot of catching up to do with the budget, work needed on house, things we would like to let the kids do but it all takes time doesn't it. Just a pain that for the next three -four months I've to drop everything back down to a shoestring. I'm trying to budget on the proviso that we don't get any UC in the hope that if we do we can relax at little as the weeks go on and restock all the cupboards we've run down 😂 (turn to us calculator thinks we will get some)

NeverendingDMP

slm6002 said:

when he is on ssp will he physically not be able to go to the pub?  Being generous and thinking maybe he is just getting pub trips in now while he can before he has to stay away for a while.  Although if like my XH that is not the case.  It is a lot to take on and I kept going somehow, looking after the money and house and kids and XH.  Make sure you get some time for you.  My XH did not like me working as it gave me independence earning my own money even though I was paying off his debts for the 3rd time.

Enjoy your £25 for you 

Thanks. The 25 is on hold till after ssp but it's nice to have just random unaccounted for spends isn't it. He will still be able to physically go out just won't have the available funds to pay for the booze. And same busy busy work kids house bills life admin. Keeps me occupied I suppose 😂 

dawnybabes

Are you on a water meter ? That seems really high for water.

the Clue is in the word partnership - you’re supposed to be in this together, not swimming in different directions.  Make sure you look out for you in all this as no one else seems to be.