Find the SecondStar and soar, and then straight on till the morning…

Flossymuldoo

Aaawww @SecondStar. I got a bit teary reading your post. I have read your whole thread and been quietly cheering you on. I am sooo happy for you 🎉🎉🎉

enthusiasticsaver

Congratulations on your new home.  Hope you settle in quickly. 

Humdinger1

Congratulations @SecondStar.  You deserve it; wishing you every happiness love Humdinger xx 

NeverendingDMP

Thank goodness it all got sorted just in the nick of time. I've been holding my breath reading the diary entries. Yes it will take a while to be fully unpacked but so what. It's yours, yours alone and you are in charge now. Xx

doingitanyway

Your account of moving out then moving in was beautiful. I hope you are enjoying your own home 
So wanting to be in your position soon!

SecondStar

Thank you everyone, the love and support and cheerleading from everyone here has been just lovely!

Since leaving my friend’s house last Thursday, I’ve had about half an hour of ‘down time’ where I’ve not been ticking something off my detailed itinerary, or thinking about my itinerary. Needless to say I’m completely exhausted, but I can’t switch off my brain!

It’s not exactly been a relaxing time off work - it’s been a LOT of change, disruption, and upheaval; and it’s been a lot of learning, too.

The main take away so far is that setting up house costs a lot of money. I had to buy a ladder to access my attic, and it cost £100!

The idea of just living off of my own single paycheque from now on, and being responsible for all the bills & the roof over my head is terrifying if I think about it for too long.

It’s time to put my frugal hat back on, and stop haemorrhaging money!

KajiKita

Don’t worry too much about the “haemorrhaging money” - the set up of a home always takes investment and a lot you can find second hand (not ladders though - safety first!). When you go back to work you will inevitably reduce your spending (you will be too busy to spend all day) and after the first wave of absolutely critical things have been bought, you can then be more selective and take your time over buying the rest of the things. 

How are you finding having your own space finally?

KK

SecondStar

KajiKita said:

Don’t worry too much about the “haemorrhaging money” - the set up of a home always takes investment and a lot you can find second hand (not ladders though - safety first!). When you go back to work you will inevitably reduce your spending (you will be too busy to spend all day) and after the first wave of absolutely critical things have been bought, you can then be more selective and take your time over buying the rest of the things. 

How are you finding having your own space finally?

KK

Honestly? It is overwhelming.

I’ve lived alone before - my ex-husband walked out on me with no warning, after 10 years together, and I rented a house by myself for several years until my recent ex partner moved in.

There have been lots of similarities between this move and other moves I’ve made in my life, but there are also lots of differences.

This time around, I find myself very uncertain. I question everything, including myself. I feel very anxious, cautious, and nervous. I flail around for support, validation, and reassurance, like a drowning person clutching at flotsam after a shipwreck.

These 5 months have been the longest that I’ve been without a romantic partner since I was 14 - that was 18 years ago! The thing it, it’s not even a romantic partner that I need right now - it’s a parent, but after losing my mum suddenly in 2020 I don’t have one of those either.

This is the first time in my life where I am meeting myself as a fully brain-developed adult, outside of a romantic relationship, and not in a caring role. I actually have no idea who I *am*, so it’s been a LOT of change!

I know it’s going to take time, work, patience, and practice to build back the confidence and the foundations in myself that my ex managed to destroy so thoroughly. Thankfully I have a very supportive therapist.

I know that in time I will begin to thrive and flourish again, and I also know that that process can’t be rushed.

in_need_of_direction

Being unencumbered also gives you a greater opportunity to reinvent what you want to be. I get that it’s scary but you’ve taken the biggest steps getting to where you are.  Babysteps is now the way to go.  Best of luck with it all.

SecondStar

in_need_of_direction said:

Being unencumbered also gives you a greater opportunity to reinvent what you want to be. I get that it’s scary but you’ve taken the biggest steps getting to where you are.  Babysteps is now the way to go.  Best of luck with it all.

Thank you!

You’re just right. This is the first time in my life where I have the scope and opportunity to put myself first, before anything else. 

I’ve never had space for hopes, dreams, or ambitions, as a child, teen, or young adult. I never had chance to imagine what my future might look like.

Now I find myself at 32 with no idea of who I am, or who I want to be in the world. It’s daunting, but there is excitement too.

I feel like a newborn lamb, all wobbly legs and big round eyes, both terrified and in love with the world.