Old member returning in tough times

katsu

We are all here thinking of the lankylarry house.  It's not an easy time but you aren't alone. Along with your real life support you've got your MSE community here. 

Good luck

KajiKita

Sending hugs and ✨✨✨✨✨ 

KK

Humdinger1

Sending love @Lanky_larry to you all Humdinger xx 

Lanky_larry

Thank you everyone. 

Feeling a bit stronger now.
we were told last Friday that whilst the cancer was shrinking, there’s too much in all 3 lobes of the liver so it is inoperable. 

After his 8th chemo, we stop and just rescan every 3 months, we can do more chemo to knock it back a bit each time until it stops working.

She told us average life expectancy on inoperable stage 4 Bowel cancer is 2 years. 

We’re not giving up, we’ve asked for a referral to get a 2nd opinion - aside from the obvious my husband is perfectly fit and well! You would not know by looking at him, seriously. He’s still out walking miles each day, he just gets tired more easily.
I’ve also researched everything I can and am changing his diet, have added some supplements (don’t worry, I’m not on some
whacky internet pages, I’m reading actual research and actual studies to find things to help support his body) - at worst they will make the next 2 rounds of chemo more bearable for him, at best they can help it work more effectively and maybe we’ll see even more shrinkage of the tumours.

I’ve also realised that I have neglected myself. The medication I’m on has caused me to pile on the weight, none of my clothes fit me, I have Marfins syndrome so the extra weight is making my knees and feet spasm (and could also affect my heart) 

So I’m stopping it (it’s not an essential medication don’t worry) 
I had reduced the dose with the agreement of my doctor and so now I’m coming off it. 

I can’t help my husband if I end up poorly myself. 

I also got a job as a parish clerk, this is alongside my currently job and is mostly from home. Only a few hours a week but it’ll look good on my CV and seems an interesting role. I’m probably taking on too much but I need to put down some roots here. 

We’re spending money like it’s going out of fashion again (it’s our comfort blanket when things go wrong 🙄) 
so I am tightening that up next month - our eldest turns 17 next week so we’re adding her to the insurance on the run around as her present so I have to fund that.

apologies for the essay, wanted to update you all as you’ve been so kind. I read all the replies, and they did help. It’s like a room full of friends . Thank you xx

badmemory

It is very easy to let other aspects of your life go out of control when one aspect is becoming overwhelming.  Take care!

ladyholly

You must look after yourself. It is very easy to concentrate on your husband forgetting your own well being when things are difficult.

KajiKita

I can relate to the eating and the spending when you are feeling anxious about hubby’s health - I got into exactly that pattern when Mr KK was deep in the throes of his kidney stone issue recently - my weight is creeping up and I am getting uncomfortable about it. 

I have a week off work next week (our holiday year runs April to March so this is a ‘use it it lose it’ week!) which I am deliberately framing as a self care and re-set week. I have loads of lovely library books, lots to do in the garden and have planned the batch and fresh foods cooking I am doing for myself. Hubby’s birthday is on Thursday so he is going to take the Friday off work and we will head down to Hay on Wye for a day out - soooooo long since we have done anything like this together. Maybe you could something similar for yourself?

Hoping the second opinion can be arranged swiftly and it is constructive!

Sending hugs.

KK x

Sun_Addict

I can see why that news knocked you for six. Glad you’re getting a second opinion. 

When my OH was in hospital with a brain tumour I couldn’t eat but once I got over the initial shock I went a bit mad with spending, I think it’s sub-consciously trying to console yourself. 

As others have said you need to look after yourself too so I’m glad you’ve got a plan. 

Sending lots of positive vibes 🙏

ladyholly

Eating or not when under stress is an odd one. Some people eat loads (me for one) and others stop eating entirely (Mr LH). I suspect spending is similar. I wonder if anyone has studied this.

It would be interesting to find out why.

Lanky_larry

ladyholly said:

Eating or not when under stress is an odd one. Some people eat loads (me for one) and others stop eating entirely (Mr LH). I suspect spending is similar. I wonder if anyone has studied this.

It would be interesting to find out why.

Yes that’s a good point, I suppose it may be linked to the eating thing, I expect the brain gets a dopamine hit which helps for a minute so it craves more?