Lies lies lies

GiantTCR

caprikid1 said:

"50/50 is a nice idea but is generally not a practical solution in the best interests of the child."

100% rubbish, this just perpetuates the myth that the female is the best to bring up the children (Not mentioned but sure that was what the OP is thinking).

Having done shared custody for over 8 years now of my children I can definitely say it works excellently, both parents had equal responsibilities for care and finances.  The reason it works so well is  by focusing 100% on what is best is based on the child.

The children are now 16 & 19 and still happily move between houses, they now do it far more fluidly although Sundays is still mainly switchover time. With Hybrid working etc shared parenting should be the starting point and the norm.

Too many couples split up using the children as weapons and possessions and fight for maximum ownership and control, we empowered our children to have choice and flexibility.

In general, 50-50 custody is the starting point and in general it works well when both parents are reasonable people.

In my friend's case, I don't think custody should be 50-50 at all. My friend's wife is doing exactly what you said, using the child as a weapon and threatening to bring my friend to court where we all know judges are prone to give mothers more than 50% custody. Which is garbage if you ask me, especially in my friend's situation, as his wife is proving to be a snake in the grass with all those emails riddled with lies and some other stuff that my friend keeps drop-feed me.

caprikid1

"In my friend's case, I don't think custody should be 50-50 at all. My friend's wife is doing exactly what you said, using the child as a weapon and threatening to bring my friend to court where we all know judges are prone to give mothers more than 50% custody."

To be honest I think your friend is intent on preserving their wealth as much as possible and beyond what I court is likely to award.

If your friend had started from a more reasonable position the wife would probably not be taking this route. Your friend needs to realise the court could award the wife the right to remain in the house till the children leave full time education and no cash to be released prior to that.

Your friend really needs to get strong legal advice with regards to the likely outcome of going to court, armed with that information he needs to make a realistic offer that is not 50/50 with a view to saving both of them masses of legal fee's.

I feel this current situation is of his making, in such cases I have seen extensive attempts to hide assets etc which makes the other person even more determined to have their day in court.

Going to court on this is a very costly gamble that your friend will lose a lot of money in, if he thinks otherwise he is deluded. Better to reasonable now if not generous to avoid all of that.

Only lawyers ever benefit from going to court.

GiantTCR

Can you use the 'quote' functionality? It's difficult to follow what you're saying

caprikid1

GiantTCR said:

caprikid1 said:

"50/50 is a nice idea but is generally not a practical solution in the best interests of the child."

100% rubbish, this just perpetuates the myth that the female is the best to bring up the children (Not mentioned but sure that was what the OP is thinking).

Having done shared custody for over 8 years now of my children I can definitely say it works excellently, both parents had equal responsibilities for care and finances.  The reason it works so well is  by focusing 100% on what is best is based on the child.

The children are now 16 & 19 and still happily move between houses, they now do it far more fluidly although Sundays is still mainly switchover time. With Hybrid working etc shared parenting should be the starting point and the norm.

Too many couples split up using the children as weapons and possessions and fight for maximum ownership and control, we empowered our children to have choice and flexibility.

In general, 50-50 custody is the starting point and in general it works well when both parents are reasonable people.

In my friend's case, I don't think custody should be 50-50 at all. My friend's wife is doing exactly what you said, using the child as a weapon and threatening to bring my friend to court where we all know judges are prone to give mothers more than 50% custody. Which is garbage if you ask me, especially in my friend's situation, as his wife is proving to be a snake in the grass with all those emails riddled with lies and some other stuff that my friend keeps drop-feed me.

To be honest I think your friend is intent on preserving their wealth as much as possible and beyond what a court is likely to award.

If your friend had started from a more reasonable position the wife would probably not be taking this route. Your friend needs to realise the court could award the wife the right to remain in the house till the children leave full time education and no cash to be released prior to that.

Your friend really needs to get strong legal advice with regards to the likely outcome of going to court, armed with that information he needs to make a realistic offer that is not 50/50 with a view to saving both of them masses of legal fee's.

I feel this current situation is of his making, in such cases I have seen extensive attempts to hide assets etc which makes the other person even more determined to have their day in court.

Going to court on this is a very costly gamble that your friend will lose a lot of money in, if he thinks otherwise he is deluded. Better to reasonable now if not generous to avoid all of that.

Only lawyers ever benefit from going to court.

GiantTCR

caprikid1 said:

Your friend really needs to get strong legal advice with regards to the likely outcome of going to court, armed with that information he needs to make a realistic offer that is not 50/50 with a view to saving both of them masses of legal fee's.

why would you offer more than 50/50 when both my friend and his partner originally agreed and were happy with the 50/50 split?

Only now she wants more and is lying to make her case.

zagfles

caprikid1 said:

"50/50 is a nice idea but is generally not a practical solution in the best interests of the child."

100% rubbish, this just perpetuates the myth that the female is the best to bring up the children (Not mentioned but sure that was what the OP is thinking).

Having done shared custody for over 8 years now of my children I can definitely say it works excellently, both parents had equal responsibilities for care and finances.  The reason it works so well is  by focusing 100% on what is best is based on the child.

The children are now 16 & 19 and still happily move between houses, they now do it far more fluidly although Sundays is still mainly switchover time. With Hybrid working etc shared parenting should be the starting point and the norm.

Too many couples split up using the children as weapons and possessions and fight for maximum ownership and control, we empowered our children to have choice and flexibility.

Yes it's unbelievable how driven by hate some people are. So the relationship didn't work out, your partner fell in love with someone else. Yes it'll hurt. Yes you may hate your ex for a while. But with some people it drives them more than anything, and for years or even decades, and they'll even use their own children as weapons against their ex.

I went to a wedding a few years ago where the groom's mother threatened not to come if his father's wife was invited. They'd split up about 30 years ago and his father had remarried over 25 years ago, yet his mother was still carrying that hate in her for 3 decades! And was happy to spoil her own son's wedding by refusing to come if the woman she sees as "stealing her husband" over a quarter of a century ago was invited! Absolutely pathetic. It caused him and his fiancee so much worry about what to do, would things kick off, seating arrangements, who'd be offended with various courses of action etc.

caprikid1

GiantTCR said:

caprikid1 said:

Your friend really needs to get strong legal advice with regards to the likely outcome of going to court, armed with that information he needs to make a realistic offer that is not 50/50 with a view to saving both of them masses of legal fee's.

why would you offer more than 50/50 when both my friend and his partner originally agreed and were happy with the 50/50 split?

Only now she wants more and is lying to make her case.

In many of these cases one partner can often be quite convincing and controlling, it is only when the lesser of the parties stops and reflects and get's advice that they realise that the original offer was potentially a very poor one and and would leave them in a very poor position and far from equal.

If you had advice that said you could stay in the marital home and not have to move to a lesser area which would impact you and the children considerably would you still accept the 50/50 split ?.

Unfortunately your friend focused on getting the best deal for himself and it has back fired. Time to realign his expectations. It does seem that you are suffering the same levels of dillusion as your friend. The potential of 50/50 is gone , time to be more realistic, the wife won't be living in an ex local authority house 20 miles from the childrens school. 

caprikid1

caprikid1 said:

GiantTCR said:

caprikid1 said:

Your friend really needs to get strong legal advice with regards to the likely outcome of going to court, armed with that information he needs to make a realistic offer that is not 50/50 with a view to saving both of them masses of legal fee's.

why would you offer more than 50/50 when both my friend and his partner originally agreed and were happy with the 50/50 split?

Only now she wants more and is lying to make her case.

In many of these cases one partner can often be quite convincing and controlling, it is only when the lesser of the parties stops and reflects and get's advice that they realise that the original offer was potentially a very poor one and and would leave them in a very poor position and far from equal.

If you had advice that said you could stay in the marital home and not have to move to a lesser area which would impact you and the children considerably would you still accept the 50/50 split ?.

Unfortunately your friend focused on getting the best deal for himself and it has back fired. Time to realign his expectations. It does seem that you are suffering the same levels of dillusion as your friend. The potential of 50/50 is gone , time to be more realistic, the wife won't be living in an ex local authority house 20 miles from the childrens school. 

I should hasten to add my Ex wife agreed a 50/50 split initially, both my solicitor and hers stated she could achieve a far better split than 50/50 if she pushed for it. Fortunately we stuck to 50/50 , your friend has missed that opportunity, clearly your friend has tried to push to much.

I hasten to add him getting more than 50% custody is extremely unlikely, it is more likely to force a larger unequal split to allow her to maintain a certain lifestyle for the children.

GiantTCR

caprikid1 said:

GiantTCR said:

caprikid1 said:

Your friend really needs to get strong legal advice with regards to the likely outcome of going to court, armed with that information he needs to make a realistic offer that is not 50/50 with a view to saving both of them masses of legal fee's.

why would you offer more than 50/50 when both my friend and his partner originally agreed and were happy with the 50/50 split?

Only now she wants more and is lying to make her case.

In many of these cases one partner can often be quite convincing and controlling, it is only when the lesser of the parties stops and reflects and get's advice that they realise that the original offer was potentially a very poor one and and would leave them in a very poor position and far from equal.

Listen, I know more or less how much money my friend makes and he told me how much his wife makes. I really do think she should get a bigger chunk of the assets because my friend will be back on his feet in a heartbeat.

So, if she had said that from the start or if her lawyer had brought up this argument to get her a better deal, then fair do.

What I can't approve is how she's trying to get a better deal for herself, by making false claims and throwing accusations, and especially by using their child as a bargaining chip (if you don't give me X amount per month, I'll take you to court so you won't get 50% custody).

That's despicable and does make you wonder whether this type of person is fit to raise a child at all.

caprikid1

GiantTCR said:

caprikid1 said:

GiantTCR said:

caprikid1 said:

Your friend really needs to get strong legal advice with regards to the likely outcome of going to court, armed with that information he needs to make a realistic offer that is not 50/50 with a view to saving both of them masses of legal fee's.

why would you offer more than 50/50 when both my friend and his partner originally agreed and were happy with the 50/50 split?

Only now she wants more and is lying to make her case.

In many of these cases one partner can often be quite convincing and controlling, it is only when the lesser of the parties stops and reflects and get's advice that they realise that the original offer was potentially a very poor one and and would leave them in a very poor position and far from equal.

Listen, I know more or less how much money my friend makes and he told me how much his wife makes. I really do think she should get a bigger chunk of the assets because my friend will be back on his feet in a heartbeat.

So, if she had said that from the start or if her lawyer had brought up this argument to get her a better deal, then fair do.

What I can't approve is how she's trying to get a better deal for herself, by making false claims and throwing accusations, and especially by using their child as a bargaining chip (if you don't give me X amount per month, I'll take you to court so you won't get 50% custody).

That's despicable and does make you wonder whether this type of person is fit to raise a child at all.

I don't disagree that her approach is wrong, but the courts will look at the information provided and award accordingly and they both now clearly realise it won't go in the way he originally tried to manipulate it.

As I said he and you need to ignore the games and focus on the children and the desired outcome. If you are genuinely a friend you need to advise your friend to get proper legal advice as to how this is likely to go, there is insufficient information in this thread for anyone give real advice. In the interest of the children these matters need to be ideally resolved amicably and not involving the courts. What she was coerced into agreeing has no relevance now.

Your friend also needs to ignore any lawyer who tells him he will get 50%, reality is more likely Lawyer 10%, friend 35% Wife 55%..