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Lies lies lies
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OP is asking for advice for his/her friend. Not the friend's wife.Spendless said:
The husband isn't either. The OP as said that s/he is husband's friend, entitled the thread Lies, Lies, Lies and asked the below (sorry quoting has seemed to go haywire)zagfles said:
Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.Spendless said:
Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them.zagfles said:
We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?Spendless said:
Ok thanks, I've seen it now.GiantTCR said:
From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.Spendless said:
Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.GiantTCR sforaid:
Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.Pollycat said:What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?
And probably lots more questions.
You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce.
The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.
Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).
That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.
My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.
https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out
So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy.
How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?
Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.
I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...
Consider this
'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean mates all believe me'
Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out exactly which one wasn't telling the truth.
For me, ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto.
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased. The wife still needs legal advice.
"I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband..."
I've given a POSSIBLE answer for the above, stated why my suspicions are as they are. I might be completely wrong.
0 -
[Deleted User] said:
No but in point of fact neither is the husband, it is the husband's "friend". Are the couple aware that their situation is being discussed here and assumptions being drawn as to truth of the situation by the OP?zagfles said:
Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.Spendless said:
Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them.zagfles said:
We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?Spendless said:
Ok thanks, I've seen it now.GiantTCR said:
From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.Spendless said:
Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.GiantTCR sforaid:
Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.Pollycat said:What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?
And probably lots more questions.
You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce.
The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.
Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).
That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.
My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.
https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out
So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy.
How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?
Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.
I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...
Consider this
'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean mates all believe me'
Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out exactly which one wasn't telling the truth.
For me, ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto.
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased. The wife still needs legal advice.
If a friend of mine - however well-meaning - was discussing my personal/private life on a public forum without my permission, they would be an ex-friend.zagfles said:
Happens all the time, and sometimes with named couples (think celebrity cases) rather than anonymous couples. People often ask for advice on behalf of others, nothing wrong with that IMO, as long as the people being discussed remain anonymous, and the scenario isn't likely to be unique enough to identify individuals.[Deleted User] said:
No but in point of fact neither is the husband, it is the husband's "friend". Are the couple aware that their situation is being discussed here and assumptions being drawn as to truth of the situation by the OP?zagfles said:
Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.Spendless said:
Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them.zagfles said:
We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?Spendless said:
Ok thanks, I've seen it now.GiantTCR said:
From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.Spendless said:
Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.GiantTCR sforaid:
Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.Pollycat said:What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?
And probably lots more questions.
You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce.
The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.
Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).
That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.
My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.
https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out
So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy.
How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?
Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.
I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...
Consider this
'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean mates all believe me'
Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out exactly which one wasn't telling the truth.
For me, ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto.
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased. The wife still needs legal advice.1 -
And??? You want me not to make the suggestion to the OP that his friend is possibly the one lying. when that's the question he's asking.zagfles said:
OP is asking for advice for his/her friend. Not the friend's wife.Spendless said:
The husband isn't either. The OP as said that s/he is husband's friend, entitled the thread Lies, Lies, Lies and asked the below (sorry quoting has seemed to go haywire)zagfles said:
Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.Spendless said:
Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them.zagfles said:
We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?Spendless said:
Ok thanks, I've seen it now.GiantTCR said:
From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.Spendless said:
Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.GiantTCR sforaid:
Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.Pollycat said:What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?
And probably lots more questions.
You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce.
The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.
Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).
That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.
My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.
https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out
So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy.
How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?
Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.
I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...
Consider this
'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean mates all believe me'
Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out exactly which one wasn't telling the truth.
For me, ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto.
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased. The wife still needs legal advice.
"I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband..."
I've given a POSSIBLE answer for the above, stated why my suspicions are as they are. I might be completely wrong.
There's another suggestion further up has the ex found his got someone else and that's why she's thrown accusations, also a possibility.
I realise that he's unlikely to say 'well actually mate, your wife needs legal advice just in case you're trying to prove a fast one'
but that's exactly what she needs. If a solicitor/court agrees that 50% of assets and residency is a fair split then that's all transparent.
If I was the OP I'd stay out of it due to the above.0 -
If they were giving out your name and/or details that make the people involved recognisable, I'd agree with you.Pollycat said:Purbeck14 said:
No but in point of fact neither is the husband, it is the husband's "friend". Are the couple aware that their situation is being discussed here and assumptions being drawn as to truth of the situation by the OP?zagfles said:
Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.Spendless said:
Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them.zagfles said:
We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?Spendless said:
Ok thanks, I've seen it now.GiantTCR said:
From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.Spendless said:
Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.GiantTCR sforaid:
Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.Pollycat said:What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?
And probably lots more questions.
You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce.
The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.
Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).
That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.
My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.
https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out
So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy.
How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?
Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.
I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...
Consider this
'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean mates all believe me'
Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out exactly which one wasn't telling the truth.
For me, ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto.
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased. The wife still needs legal advice.
If a friend of mine - however well-meaning - was discussing my personal/private life on a public forum without my permission, they would be an ex-friend.zagfles said:
Happens all the time, and sometimes with named couples (think celebrity cases) rather than anonymous couples. People often ask for advice on behalf of others, nothing wrong with that IMO, as long as the people being discussed remain anonymous, and the scenario isn't likely to be unique enough to identify individuals.Purbeck14 said:
No but in point of fact neither is the husband, it is the husband's "friend". Are the couple aware that their situation is being discussed here and assumptions being drawn as to truth of the situation by the OP?zagfles said:
Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.Spendless said:
Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them.zagfles said:
We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?Spendless said:
Ok thanks, I've seen it now.GiantTCR said:
From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.Spendless said:
Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.GiantTCR sforaid:
Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.Pollycat said:What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?
And probably lots more questions.
You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce.
The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.
Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).
That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.
My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.
https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out
So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy.
How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?
Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.
I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...
Consider this
'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean mates all believe me'
Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out exactly which one wasn't telling the truth.
For me, ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto.
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased. The wife still needs legal advice.
Otherwise, no harm.
Also, I can guarantee you that some of your friends (or shall I say soon to be ex friends) have talked about you to some other people at some point in life. So I really hope you have any friends left if that's where you draw the line 😁
2 -
Comparing a friend having a bit of a face-to-face gossip with somebody else about me to a 'friend' giving out details of a relationship on social media is like comparing apples and elephants.GiantTCR said:
If they were giving out your name and/or details that make the people involved recognisable, I'd agree with you.Pollycat said:Purbeck14 said:
No but in point of fact neither is the husband, it is the husband's "friend". Are the couple aware that their situation is being discussed here and assumptions being drawn as to truth of the situation by the OP?zagfles said:
Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.Spendless said:
Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them.zagfles said:
We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?Spendless said:
Ok thanks, I've seen it now.GiantTCR said:
From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.Spendless said:
Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.GiantTCR sforaid:
Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.Pollycat said:What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?
And probably lots more questions.
You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce.
The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.
Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).
That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.
My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.
https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out
So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy.
How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?
Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.
I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...
Consider this
'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean mates all believe me'
Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out exactly which one wasn't telling the truth.
For me, ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto.
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased. The wife still needs legal advice.
If a friend of mine - however well-meaning - was discussing my personal/private life on a public forum without my permission, they would be an ex-friend.zagfles said:
Happens all the time, and sometimes with named couples (think celebrity cases) rather than anonymous couples. People often ask for advice on behalf of others, nothing wrong with that IMO, as long as the people being discussed remain anonymous, and the scenario isn't likely to be unique enough to identify individuals.Purbeck14 said:
No but in point of fact neither is the husband, it is the husband's "friend". Are the couple aware that their situation is being discussed here and assumptions being drawn as to truth of the situation by the OP?zagfles said:
Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.Spendless said:
Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them.zagfles said:
We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?Spendless said:
Ok thanks, I've seen it now.GiantTCR said:
From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.Spendless said:
Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.GiantTCR sforaid:
Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.Pollycat said:What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?
And probably lots more questions.
You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce.
The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.
Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).
That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.
My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.
https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out
So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy.
How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?
Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.
I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...
Consider this
'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean mates all believe me'
Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out exactly which one wasn't telling the truth.
For me, ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto.
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased. The wife still needs legal advice.
Otherwise, no harm.
Also, I can guarantee you that some of your friends (or shall I say soon to be ex friends) have talked about you to some other people at some point in life. So I really hope you have any friends left if that's where you draw the line 😁
From your response I would guess that your friend is unaware that you are sharing details of his relationship breakdown on a public forum.
Maybe he'll soon be your ex-friend.
A very good friend of mine went through a very upsetting marriage breakdown.
I didn't post about it on here.
I did lots of research about all sorts of things and accompanied her to CAB, mediation and solicitors appointments.1 -
Pollycat said:
Comparing a friend having a bit of a face-to-face gossip with somebody else about me to a 'friend' giving out details of a relationship on social media is like comparing apples and elephants.GiantTCR said:
If they were giving out your name and/or details that make the people involved recognisable, I'd agree with you.Pollycat said:Purbeck14 said:
No but in point of fact neither is the husband, it is the husband's "friend". Are the couple aware that their situation is being discussed here and assumptions being drawn as to truth of the situation by the OP?zagfles said:
Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.Spendless said:
Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them.zagfles said:
We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?Spendless said:
Ok thanks, I've seen it now.GiantTCR said:
From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.Spendless said:
Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.GiantTCR sforaid:
Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.Pollycat said:What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?
And probably lots more questions.
You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce.
The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.
Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).
That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.
My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.
https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out
So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy.
How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?
Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.
I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...
Consider this
'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean mates all believe me'
Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out exactly which one wasn't telling the truth.
For me, ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto.
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased. The wife still needs legal advice.
If a friend of mine - however well-meaning - was discussing my personal/private life on a public forum without my permission, they would be an ex-friend.zagfles said:
Happens all the time, and sometimes with named couples (think celebrity cases) rather than anonymous couples. People often ask for advice on behalf of others, nothing wrong with that IMO, as long as the people being discussed remain anonymous, and the scenario isn't likely to be unique enough to identify individuals.Purbeck14 said:
No but in point of fact neither is the husband, it is the husband's "friend". Are the couple aware that their situation is being discussed here and assumptions being drawn as to truth of the situation by the OP?zagfles said:
Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.Spendless said:
Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them.zagfles said:
We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?Spendless said:
Ok thanks, I've seen it now.GiantTCR said:
From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.Spendless said:
Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.GiantTCR sforaid:
Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.Pollycat said:What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?
And probably lots more questions.
You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce.
The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.
Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).
That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.
My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.
https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out
So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy.
How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?
Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.
I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...
Consider this
'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean mates all believe me'
Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out exactly which one wasn't telling the truth.
For me, ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto.
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased. The wife still needs legal advice.
Otherwise, no harm.
Also, I can guarantee you that some of your friends (or shall I say soon to be ex friends) have talked about you to some other people at some point in life. So I really hope you have any friends left if that's where you draw the line 😁Yeah, one's discussing a named person, another's anonymously discussing an unidentified person. You've been around here long enough, haven't you noticed it's quite common to discuss "friend's" or even husbands/wives/parents etc on here? Have a look at the top page of threads on this board, just the headings. People discussing their friend, mum, dad, grandma etc.Why are you even replying to this thread if you think that's so wrong to discuss other peoples' relationships in social media?0 -
Spendless said:
And??? You want me not to make the suggestion to the OP that his friend is possibly the one lying. when that's the question he's asking.zagfles said:
OP is asking for advice for his/her friend. Not the friend's wife.Spendless said:
The husband isn't either. The OP as said that s/he is husband's friend, entitled the thread Lies, Lies, Lies and asked the below (sorry quoting has seemed to go haywire)zagfles said:
Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.Spendless said:
Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them.zagfles said:
We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?Spendless said:
Ok thanks, I've seen it now.GiantTCR said:
From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.Spendless said:
Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.GiantTCR sforaid:
Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.Pollycat said:What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?
And probably lots more questions.
You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce.
The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.
Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).
That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.
My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.
https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out
So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy.
How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?
Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.
I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...
Consider this
'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean mates all believe me'
Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out exactly which one wasn't telling the truth.
For me, ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto.
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased. The wife still needs legal advice.
"I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband..."
I've given a POSSIBLE answer for the above, stated why my suspicions are as they are. I might be completely wrong.
There's another suggestion further up has the ex found his got someone else and that's why she's thrown accusations, also a possibility.
I realise that he's unlikely to say 'well actually mate, your wife needs legal advice just in case you're trying to prove a fast one'
but that's exactly what she needs. If a solicitor/court agrees that 50% of assets and residency is a fair split then that's all transparent.
If I was the OP I'd stay out of it due to the above.Sorry I'm confused. How else is the wife going to hear your advice, other than through the OP? Unless she happens to be reading this board (unlikely as it's a fairly obscure corner of the internet - this board I mean, not MSE). Then you say the OP should stay out of it?0 -
You can't see the difference between a member having a moan about her husband (or kids or in-laws) and a 'friend' who - quite possibly - hasn't even asked if it's OK to put details on a public forum?zagfles said:Pollycat said:
Comparing a friend having a bit of a face-to-face gossip with somebody else about me to a 'friend' giving out details of a relationship on social media is like comparing apples and elephants.GiantTCR said:
If they were giving out your name and/or details that make the people involved recognisable, I'd agree with you.Pollycat said:Purbeck14 said:
No but in point of fact neither is the husband, it is the husband's "friend". Are the couple aware that their situation is being discussed here and assumptions being drawn as to truth of the situation by the OP?zagfles said:
Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.Spendless said:
Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them.zagfles said:
We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?Spendless said:
Ok thanks, I've seen it now.GiantTCR said:
From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.Spendless said:
Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.GiantTCR sforaid:
Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.Pollycat said:What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?
And probably lots more questions.
You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce.
The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.
Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).
That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.
My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.
https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out
So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy.
How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?
Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.
I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...
Consider this
'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean mates all believe me'
Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out exactly which one wasn't telling the truth.
For me, ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto.
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased. The wife still needs legal advice.
If a friend of mine - however well-meaning - was discussing my personal/private life on a public forum without my permission, they would be an ex-friend.zagfles said:
Happens all the time, and sometimes with named couples (think celebrity cases) rather than anonymous couples. People often ask for advice on behalf of others, nothing wrong with that IMO, as long as the people being discussed remain anonymous, and the scenario isn't likely to be unique enough to identify individuals.Purbeck14 said:
No but in point of fact neither is the husband, it is the husband's "friend". Are the couple aware that their situation is being discussed here and assumptions being drawn as to truth of the situation by the OP?zagfles said:
Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.Spendless said:
Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them.zagfles said:
We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?Spendless said:
Ok thanks, I've seen it now.GiantTCR said:
From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.Spendless said:
Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.GiantTCR sforaid:
Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.Pollycat said:What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?
And probably lots more questions.
You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce.
The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.
Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).
That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.
My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.
https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out
So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy.
How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?
Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.
I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...
Consider this
'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean mates all believe me'
Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out exactly which one wasn't telling the truth.
For me, ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto.
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased. The wife still needs legal advice.
Otherwise, no harm.
Also, I can guarantee you that some of your friends (or shall I say soon to be ex friends) have talked about you to some other people at some point in life. So I really hope you have any friends left if that's where you draw the line 😁Yeah, one's discussing a named person, another's anonymously discussing an unidentified person. You've been around here long enough, haven't you noticed it's quite common to discuss "friend's" or even husbands/wives/parents etc on here? Have a look at the top page of threads on this board, just the headings. People discussing their friend, mum, dad, grandma etc.Why are you even replying to this thread if you think that's so wrong to discuss other peoples' relationships in social media?
If it's 2 people gossiping, maybe a few people will overhear.
How many people will read this thread?
1.4k so far and counting.
It's possible that someone will recognise who these 2 people are.
If you've posted the information yourself, you've chosen what details to share.
The only person who may be upset is the other person in the relationship.
You've been around here long enough to know that you can't dictate what threads people reply to.
I'm not the one sharing relationship issues about 2 other people.
0 -
I am giving my opinion that the wife needs legal advice. Not a suggestion for the OP to follow up on. I've been on here since 2004 most comments on threads are opinions from others on what's posted not direct answers. If a ruling has been changed that that's no longer allowed then I'm afraid I missed it. . I could have changed it to I hope the wife gets legal advice, but it was late and I had no idea I was going to be jumped on for a wording . I do hope the wife gets legal advice because she needs it. These boards are open. There's been times I haven't contributed or started a thread but I've read one and thought 'That applies to me and I didn't realise that, really helpful to know'. Who is to say a wife or husband in a similar position or a friend of someone who does isn't to read this and think 'I need to tell X, that legal advice is needed rather than what they've just verbally agreed to'zagfles said:Spendless said:
And??? You want me not to make the suggestion to the OP that his friend is possibly the one lying. when that's the question he's asking.zagfles said:
OP is asking for advice for his/her friend. Not the friend's wife.Spendless said:
The husband isn't either. The OP as said that s/he is husband's friend, entitled the thread Lies, Lies, Lies and asked the below (sorry quoting has seemed to go haywire)zagfles said:
Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.Spendless said:
Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them.zagfles said:
We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?Spendless said:
Ok thanks, I've seen it now.GiantTCR said:
From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.Spendless said:
Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.GiantTCR sforaid:
Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.Pollycat said:What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?
And probably lots more questions.
You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce.
The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.
Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).
That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.
My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.
https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out
So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy.
How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?
Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.
I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...
Consider this
'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean mates all believe me'
Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out exactly which one wasn't telling the truth.
For me, ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto.
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased. The wife still needs legal advice.
"I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband..."
I've given a POSSIBLE answer for the above, stated why my suspicions are as they are. I might be completely wrong.
There's another suggestion further up has the ex found his got someone else and that's why she's thrown accusations, also a possibility.
I realise that he's unlikely to say 'well actually mate, your wife needs legal advice just in case you're trying to prove a fast one'
but that's exactly what she needs. If a solicitor/court agrees that 50% of assets and residency is a fair split then that's all transparent.
If I was the OP I'd stay out of it due to the above.Sorry I'm confused. How else is the wife going to hear your advice, other than through the OP? Unless she happens to be reading this board (unlikely as it's a fairly obscure corner of the internet - this board I mean, not MSE). Then you say the OP should stay out of it?
The OP has said on the thread that he thought the ex would receive more than 50% of assets. The OP could use my opinion to say to his mate 'well actually I think you're on a good deal at 50% asset split, could be more if she goes to a solicitor so I'd just ignore what she's saying about you'
I say the friend should stay out of it, because he's involved enough to make a thread about it .Having done so he's got the replies/answers he has. That's as far as I'd take it.
Either his friend is lying or the ex is. It looks like his mate has either got a good deal or has pulled a fast one from the small details we've been given, which haven't been fully answered possibly because the OP doesn't know cos it's not his situation. Most splits start at 50/50 but then are adjusted to take into account if either party has had their earnings etc compromised by childcare responsibilities. My red flag is that he doesn't want to go to court because 'he could spend that money on the child instead' now that could be true, but if I thought I had the financial advantage I'd be reluctant to go to court too.
Re your own situation, my friend's ex also became a house husband with his new partner and her daughter. He did it to avoid paying CM to my friend. That much is clear, he had tried every angle to wriggle out or reduce his payments first, some of which succeeded some didn't so took redundancy and then stayed at home until the kids became adults. They are 26 and 28 now and my friend still hasn't recovered financially from that time. That's why people may have had the opinion they did about your own situation , sometimes they're wrong, sometimes they're right.2 -
Yes it does, but since the OP has already decided who is 'in the right' ( the heading "lies, lies, lies" suggests a decided opinion which may or may not be based on actual facts) really they don't want advice as such, more like a confirmation that suits their own bias. UNLESS the OP has been in the marital home for the length of the marriage they really don't know the true circumstances. Friends are usually biased, it's natural, but this is one of those cases where emotional involvement may hinder rather than help the person who needs the advice, which IS what he's paying the solicitor for.zagfles said:
Happens all the time, and sometimes with named couples (think celebrity cases) rather than anonymous couples. People often ask for advice on behalf of others, nothing wrong with that IMO, as long as the people being discussed remain anonymous, and the scenario isn't likely to be unique enough to identify individuals.Purbeck14 said:
No but in point of fact neither is the husband, it is the husband's "friend". Are the couple aware that their situation is being discussed here and assumptions being drawn as to truth of the situation by the OP?zagfles said:
Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.Spendless said:
Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them.zagfles said:
We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?Spendless said:
Ok thanks, I've seen it now.GiantTCR said:
From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.Spendless said:
Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.GiantTCR sforaid:
Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.Pollycat said:What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?
And probably lots more questions.
You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce.
The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.
Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).
That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.
My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.
https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out
So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy.
How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?
Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.
I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...
Consider this
'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean mates all believe me'
Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out exactly which one wasn't telling the truth.
For me, ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto.
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased. The wife still needs legal advice.3
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