Lies lies lies

Spendless

zagfles said:

Spendless said:

GiantTCR said:

Spendless said:

GiantTCR sforaid:

Pollycat said:

What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?

And probably lots more questions.

You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce. 

Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.

The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.

Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).

That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.

My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.

Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.

https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out

So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is  getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy. 

How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?  

From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.

Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.

I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...

Ok thanks, I've seen it now.

Consider this

'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means  I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance  my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean  mates all believe me'

Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out  exactly which one wasn't telling the truth. 

For me,  ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto. 

We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?

Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them. 

I've pointed out that my view is biased.  The wife still needs legal advice. 

sevenhills

GiantTCR said:

I've never heard of a father getting more than 50% custody but I guess if that's the best situation for the child, that's how a judge should rule.

Children are hard work, does either of them have the motivation to put in a lot of work.
I would assume that the parent with the most care would get the benefits.
I wanted split care twenty years ago. My daughter ended up living with me at the age of eleven.

[Deleted User]

You'll have to forgive my cynicism, but is the wife's current reaction to 50/50 custody less to do with the money aspect, or perhaps suspicion ( or knowledge)  that her ex husband is now seeing someone else?  Either way the only people who can sort it out are the couple themselves and their respective solicitors and the judge.  Support your friend whatever the outcome. Hopefully whatever is decided will be in the best interests of the child, and the adults will do all they can to make that as easy as possible.  

zagfles

Pollycat said:

zagfles said:

tightauldgit said:

GiantTCR said:

tightauldgit said:

GiantTCR said:

Asking for a friend who's going through a rough divorce.

My friend and his wife are divorcing, they have a child.

They are going through mediation and they seemed to be in agreement for a 50-50 split of the assets and 50-50 custody of the child.

The wife just found out that in case of 50-50 custody, she will not be getting any child maintenance payments so, all of a sudden, she changed her tune.

She sent a very weird email to my friend, full of lies. She's now accusing him of being verbally violent and abusive towards her and doing so in front of the child. She's accusing him of having anger management issues. And a lot of other lies. She's saying now that the custody should not be split 50-50 because it's not in the child's best interest.

Now, you would think that any person with common sense (let alone a judge) would see how the wife's tune changed right after she found out she may be getting nothing for child maintenance. But, how do you think a judge would see the situation? At the end of the day, it's just her word against my friend's, but she's throwing some very heavy accusations. How can she get away with it? Can my friend sue her for slander? 

But don't assume the 50/50 split happens by default. The court will look at what's best for the child. A lot of that will be practical concerns about how they go to school, who works what hours where, handover arrangements, housing arrangements, the kids friends etc etc. 

 

Thanks. So, it could also be that the court will rule in favour of my friend having more than 50% custody if those you listed were taken into consideration. My friend's salary is higher than his wife's which makes him able to afford a new property in the same area where their child goes to school and has friends whereas his wife will not be able to afford a property in the same area, meaning longer distance for school runs, the child seeing less of her friends,...

I've never heard of a father getting more than 50% custody but I guess if that's the best situation for the child, that's how a judge should rule.

Bear in mind also that if he did get more than 50% care the ex would be on the hook to him for CMS payments! 

Yes, this came as a big shock to my friend's ex wife! Odd how some people think CMS is only something only men pay!

Because they're mysogynists?
Or sexist?

Indeed, or misandrists...

zagfles

Spendless said:

zagfles said:

Spendless said:

GiantTCR said:

Spendless said:

GiantTCR sforaid:

Pollycat said:

What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?

And probably lots more questions.

You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce. 

Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.

The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.

Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).

That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.

My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.

Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.

https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out

So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is  getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy. 

How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?  

From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.

Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.

I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...

Ok thanks, I've seen it now.

Consider this

'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means  I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance  my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean  mates all believe me'

Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out  exactly which one wasn't telling the truth. 

For me,  ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto. 

We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?

Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them. 
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased.  The wife still needs legal advice. 

Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.

[Deleted User]

zagfles said:

Spendless said:

zagfles said:

Spendless said:

GiantTCR said:

Spendless said:

GiantTCR sforaid:

Pollycat said:

What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?

And probably lots more questions.

You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce. 

Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.

The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.

Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).

That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.

My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.

Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.

https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out

So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is  getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy. 

How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?  

From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.

Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.

I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...

Ok thanks, I've seen it now.

Consider this

'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means  I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance  my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean  mates all believe me'

Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out  exactly which one wasn't telling the truth. 

For me,  ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto. 

We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?

Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them. 
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased.  The wife still needs legal advice. 

Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.

No but in point of fact neither is the husband, it is the husband's "friend". Are the couple  aware that their situation is being discussed here and assumptions being drawn as to truth of the situation by the OP? 

zagfles

Purbeck14 said:

zagfles said:

Spendless said:

zagfles said:

Spendless said:

GiantTCR said:

Spendless said:

GiantTCR sforaid:

Pollycat said:

What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?

And probably lots more questions.

You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce. 

Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.

The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.

Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).

That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.

My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.

Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.

https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out

So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is  getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy. 

How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?  

From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.

Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.

I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...

Ok thanks, I've seen it now.

Consider this

'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means  I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance  my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean  mates all believe me'

Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out  exactly which one wasn't telling the truth. 

For me,  ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto. 

We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?

Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them. 
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased.  The wife still needs legal advice. 

Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.

No but in point of fact neither is the husband, it is the husband's "friend". Are the couple  aware that their situation is being discussed here and assumptions being drawn as to truth of the situation by the OP? 

Happens all the time, and sometimes with named couples (think celebrity cases) rather than anonymous couples. People often ask for advice on behalf of others, nothing wrong with that IMO, as long as the people being discussed remain anonymous, and the scenario isn't likely to be unique enough to identify individuals.

Pollycat

zagfles said:

Pollycat said:

zagfles said:

tightauldgit said:

GiantTCR said:

tightauldgit said:

GiantTCR said:

Asking for a friend who's going through a rough divorce.

My friend and his wife are divorcing, they have a child.

They are going through mediation and they seemed to be in agreement for a 50-50 split of the assets and 50-50 custody of the child.

The wife just found out that in case of 50-50 custody, she will not be getting any child maintenance payments so, all of a sudden, she changed her tune.

She sent a very weird email to my friend, full of lies. She's now accusing him of being verbally violent and abusive towards her and doing so in front of the child. She's accusing him of having anger management issues. And a lot of other lies. She's saying now that the custody should not be split 50-50 because it's not in the child's best interest.

Now, you would think that any person with common sense (let alone a judge) would see how the wife's tune changed right after she found out she may be getting nothing for child maintenance. But, how do you think a judge would see the situation? At the end of the day, it's just her word against my friend's, but she's throwing some very heavy accusations. How can she get away with it? Can my friend sue her for slander? 

But don't assume the 50/50 split happens by default. The court will look at what's best for the child. A lot of that will be practical concerns about how they go to school, who works what hours where, handover arrangements, housing arrangements, the kids friends etc etc. 

 

Thanks. So, it could also be that the court will rule in favour of my friend having more than 50% custody if those you listed were taken into consideration. My friend's salary is higher than his wife's which makes him able to afford a new property in the same area where their child goes to school and has friends whereas his wife will not be able to afford a property in the same area, meaning longer distance for school runs, the child seeing less of her friends,...

I've never heard of a father getting more than 50% custody but I guess if that's the best situation for the child, that's how a judge should rule.

Bear in mind also that if he did get more than 50% care the ex would be on the hook to him for CMS payments! 

Yes, this came as a big shock to my friend's ex wife! Odd how some people think CMS is only something only men pay!

Because they're mysogynists?
Or sexist?

Indeed, or misandrists...

Yes 
But in my experience, it's usually males who allege that their wives have 'contributed nothing' to the relationship when they've brought up one or more children and often done a part time job.

Spendless

zagfles said:

Spendless said:

zagfles said:

Spendless said:

GiantTCR said:

Spendless said:

GiantTCR sforaid:

Pollycat said:

What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?

And probably lots more questions.

You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce. 

Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.

The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.

Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).

That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.

My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.

Could you post a link please. I'm either on the wrong thing or have skim read and missed it because I don't see it here.

https://www.gov.uk/how-child-maintenance-is-worked-out

So from what you've said your friend is a higher earner than his ex, is  getting 50% of assets and won't be paying child maintainance. I can understand why is ex wife to be isn't happy. 

How old is child? If you could also answer the questions that I think Pollycat has also posted such as has wife compromised her own career/earnings duet o taking on lion's share of childcare during their marriage?  

From the link you posted, if you click on the calculator link you'll see a page where it says in bullet points that you won't have to pay anything if you equally share caring responsibility for the child.

Yes I can understand why his wife isn't happy. She should be getting more than half of the assets as my friend earns more.

I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband...

Ok thanks, I've seen it now.

Consider this

'I'm a lousy husband. I've been verbally/emotionally/[psychologically abusing my wife for years. It's not a face I show anyone else though, so they wouldn't believe her if she said anything. No scars to show I just say she's lying. She's never exposed me before why would she be believed. I have some enablers, people usually call them friends. They always believe me cos I show them my good side. We're splitting up. We've gone to mediation, by some luck of the draw I got it suggested there that despite me earning more, we split everything 50/50 including the child residency and this also means  I have no maintenance to pay. Woohoo I don't want solicitors and courts involved because they might tell my ex wife that she's not getting a fair deal, so I'll put my best face on and say it's because I don't want to waste money that I could spend on my child. I'm such a charmer people believe me. The problem is on discovering there'll be no maintenance  my ex isn't happy. She's saying exactly what I've done to her, so I'm turning it round, to say it's her lying after all there's no proof and my enablers I mean  mates all believe me'

Now I'm not saying your friend IS the above, but consider it a possibility. Someone like that came into a close relatives life. Not exactly the same because they were a lot younger. To my shame I was the enabler. I believed the other person against my relative because they were charming, manipulative and a very good liar. Until some things started not adding up and I started digging and was shocked by what I discovered and uncovered and found out  exactly which one wasn't telling the truth. 

For me,  ok I'm suspicious due to the above happening but red flags rang at the mediation that is verbally agreed at 50%. Wife needs legal advice and pronto. 

We can all invent scenarios based on our own experiences and prejudices, but I'd say this one falls flat because why would the wife even consider 50/50 custody ie leaving her children half the time with an abuser?

Why do abused people do many things that they do, including staying in the relationship, keeping quiet and returning to them. 
Not usually to someone they publically declare as an abuser? Or is your experience different?
I've pointed out that my view is biased.  The wife still needs legal advice. 

Well quite possibly, but she's not the one asking for advice.

The husband isn't either. The OP as said that s/he is husband's friend, entitled the thread Lies, Lies, Lies and asked the below (sorry quoting has seemed to go haywire) 

"I just find it curious how she had agreed to equal custody split during mediation but after realising that she may be getting nothing for child maintenance NOW AND JUST NOW my friend has become this abusive husband..."

I've given a POSSIBLE answer for the above, stated why my suspicions are as they are. I might be completely wrong. 
 

zagfles

Pollycat said:

zagfles said:

Pollycat said:

zagfles said:

tightauldgit said:

GiantTCR said:

tightauldgit said:

GiantTCR said:

Asking for a friend who's going through a rough divorce.

My friend and his wife are divorcing, they have a child.

They are going through mediation and they seemed to be in agreement for a 50-50 split of the assets and 50-50 custody of the child.

The wife just found out that in case of 50-50 custody, she will not be getting any child maintenance payments so, all of a sudden, she changed her tune.

She sent a very weird email to my friend, full of lies. She's now accusing him of being verbally violent and abusive towards her and doing so in front of the child. She's accusing him of having anger management issues. And a lot of other lies. She's saying now that the custody should not be split 50-50 because it's not in the child's best interest.

Now, you would think that any person with common sense (let alone a judge) would see how the wife's tune changed right after she found out she may be getting nothing for child maintenance. But, how do you think a judge would see the situation? At the end of the day, it's just her word against my friend's, but she's throwing some very heavy accusations. How can she get away with it? Can my friend sue her for slander? 

But don't assume the 50/50 split happens by default. The court will look at what's best for the child. A lot of that will be practical concerns about how they go to school, who works what hours where, handover arrangements, housing arrangements, the kids friends etc etc. 

 

Thanks. So, it could also be that the court will rule in favour of my friend having more than 50% custody if those you listed were taken into consideration. My friend's salary is higher than his wife's which makes him able to afford a new property in the same area where their child goes to school and has friends whereas his wife will not be able to afford a property in the same area, meaning longer distance for school runs, the child seeing less of her friends,...

I've never heard of a father getting more than 50% custody but I guess if that's the best situation for the child, that's how a judge should rule.

Bear in mind also that if he did get more than 50% care the ex would be on the hook to him for CMS payments! 

Yes, this came as a big shock to my friend's ex wife! Odd how some people think CMS is only something only men pay!

Because they're mysogynists?
Or sexist?

Indeed, or misandrists...

Yes 
But in my experience, it's usually males who allege that their wives have 'contributed nothing' to the relationship when they've brought up one or more children and often done a part time job.

Well, we all have different experiences. People accused my "househusband" friend of being a deadbeat dad because he wasn't out earning money to support his kids from his current and previous relationships.