Lies lies lies

GiantTCR

Asking for a friend who's going through a rough divorce.

My friend and his wife are divorcing, they have a child.

They are going through mediation and they seemed to be in agreement for a 50-50 split of the assets and 50-50 custody of the child.

The wife just found out that in case of 50-50 custody, she will not be getting any child maintenance payments so, all of a sudden, she changed her tune.

She sent a very weird email to my friend, full of lies. She's now accusing him of being verbally violent and abusive towards her and doing so in front of the child. She's accusing him of having anger management issues. And a lot of other lies. She's saying now that the custody should not be split 50-50 because it's not in the child's best interest.

Now, you would think that any person with common sense (let alone a judge) would see how the wife's tune changed right after she found out she may be getting nothing for child maintenance. But, how do you think a judge would see the situation? At the end of the day, it's just her word against my friend's, but she's throwing some very heavy accusations. How can she get away with it? Can my friend sue her for slander? 

breaking_free

Or, your friend could forget the slander, take a very deep breath and just let the wife tie herself up in knots in front of a judge. 
I may be incorrect, but I would think that any accusations have to be borne out by a modicum of evidence. Best of luck to your friend.

Mr.Generous

Having given evidence in court quite a number of occasions for simple cases of theft and fraud I can tell you that unless she is a very accomplished and highly skilled liar, and of well above average intelligence she will fall flat on her face. It's difficult not to get tripped up when telling the truth, near impossible when lying. I've seen people try and even when they stick to a story its really obvious to anyone they are lying. Coutrs will want hard evidence, people like this are used to telling sympathetic mates who listen and nod - even when they don't believe them - to a string of generalisations or outright fabrications.

The husband needs to think of some good questions and facts that will show her to be lying and share them with his legal team.

Pollycat

What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?

And probably lots more questions.

You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce. 

tightauldgit

GiantTCR said:

Asking for a friend who's going through a rough divorce.

My friend and his wife are divorcing, they have a child.

They are going through mediation and they seemed to be in agreement for a 50-50 split of the assets and 50-50 custody of the child.

The wife just found out that in case of 50-50 custody, she will not be getting any child maintenance payments so, all of a sudden, she changed her tune.

She sent a very weird email to my friend, full of lies. She's now accusing him of being verbally violent and abusive towards her and doing so in front of the child. She's accusing him of having anger management issues. And a lot of other lies. She's saying now that the custody should not be split 50-50 because it's not in the child's best interest.

Now, you would think that any person with common sense (let alone a judge) would see how the wife's tune changed right after she found out she may be getting nothing for child maintenance. But, how do you think a judge would see the situation? At the end of the day, it's just her word against my friend's, but she's throwing some very heavy accusations. How can she get away with it? Can my friend sue her for slander? 

As annoying as it is the best advice you can give your friend is to ignore her accusations and try not to react. 

As part of the child arrangements order process there will be a cafcass interview in which both parties will separately get to air their concerns and state their side. Cafcass will then look into it and presumably conclude there's no reason for concern.

At that point when it goes to court as much as one side can try to make it an issue the fact there is a cafcass report saying there is no issue will work in your favour. A court won't go against cafcass unless there's some serious extenuating circumstances. 

But don't assume the 50/50 split happens by default. The court will look at what's best for the child. A lot of that will be practical concerns about how they go to school, who works what hours where, handover arrangements, housing arrangements, the kids friends etc etc. 



 

GiantTCR

Pollycat said:

What are their financial circumstances?
Do both work?
Earn similar amounts?
How long have they been married?
How old is the child?
What are their pension provisions? These will go into the pot.
Do they own a house (with or without a mortgage)? Or rent?
Can either of them afford the repayments?
Can either of them afford to buy the other out?
When they 'agreed' the 50/50 split of assets and childcare, what were the planned arrangements?

And probably lots more questions.

You'd better serve your friend by helping him do some research rather than encouraging him to sue his wife for slander on top of what may be an expensive divorce. 

Yes as far as I know every financial detail (house, salaries, savings, pensions) were disclosed in one of the mediation sessions and the agreement both verbal and in writing (emails) was for a 50-50 split of all of the assets.

The wife also verbally agreed on a 50-50 custody split and my friend and her were working on a few options for how to split the custody like days of the week/pick ups and so on.

Everything was going well until she realised that in case of 50-50 custody, my friend wouldn't have to pay anything for child maintenance (it says it clearly on the gov.uk website).

That's when things escalated. That's when all of a sudden my friend allegedly became an abusive husband who shouldn't have 50-50 custody. Seems very strange and convenient that these things are only coming up a couple of days after the wife found out she may not get the money she thought she was entitled to.

My friend has always been trying to avoid going to court as he knows how costly these things can be and they could both use the money to buy their new homes rather than pay legal fees. But if the wife will want more than 50% custody, it'll be court time and nobody wins.

GiantTCR

tightauldgit said:

GiantTCR said:

Asking for a friend who's going through a rough divorce.

My friend and his wife are divorcing, they have a child.

They are going through mediation and they seemed to be in agreement for a 50-50 split of the assets and 50-50 custody of the child.

The wife just found out that in case of 50-50 custody, she will not be getting any child maintenance payments so, all of a sudden, she changed her tune.

She sent a very weird email to my friend, full of lies. She's now accusing him of being verbally violent and abusive towards her and doing so in front of the child. She's accusing him of having anger management issues. And a lot of other lies. She's saying now that the custody should not be split 50-50 because it's not in the child's best interest.

Now, you would think that any person with common sense (let alone a judge) would see how the wife's tune changed right after she found out she may be getting nothing for child maintenance. But, how do you think a judge would see the situation? At the end of the day, it's just her word against my friend's, but she's throwing some very heavy accusations. How can she get away with it? Can my friend sue her for slander? 

But don't assume the 50/50 split happens by default. The court will look at what's best for the child. A lot of that will be practical concerns about how they go to school, who works what hours where, handover arrangements, housing arrangements, the kids friends etc etc. 

 

Thanks. So, it could also be that the court will rule in favour of my friend having more than 50% custody if those you listed were taken into consideration. My friend's salary is higher than his wife's which makes him able to afford a new property in the same area where their child goes to school and has friends whereas his wife will not be able to afford a property in the same area, meaning longer distance for school runs, the child seeing less of her friends,...

I've never heard of a father getting more than 50% custody but I guess if that's the best situation for the child, that's how a judge should rule.

Pollycat

GiantTCR said:

tightauldgit said:

GiantTCR said:

Asking for a friend who's going through a rough divorce.

My friend and his wife are divorcing, they have a child.

They are going through mediation and they seemed to be in agreement for a 50-50 split of the assets and 50-50 custody of the child.

The wife just found out that in case of 50-50 custody, she will not be getting any child maintenance payments so, all of a sudden, she changed her tune.

She sent a very weird email to my friend, full of lies. She's now accusing him of being verbally violent and abusive towards her and doing so in front of the child. She's accusing him of having anger management issues. And a lot of other lies. She's saying now that the custody should not be split 50-50 because it's not in the child's best interest.

Now, you would think that any person with common sense (let alone a judge) would see how the wife's tune changed right after she found out she may be getting nothing for child maintenance. But, how do you think a judge would see the situation? At the end of the day, it's just her word against my friend's, but she's throwing some very heavy accusations. How can she get away with it? Can my friend sue her for slander? 

But don't assume the 50/50 split happens by default. The court will look at what's best for the child. A lot of that will be practical concerns about how they go to school, who works what hours where, handover arrangements, housing arrangements, the kids friends etc etc. 

 

Thanks. So, it could also be that the court will rule in favour of my friend having more than 50% custody if those you listed were taken into consideration. My friend's salary is higher than his wife's which makes him able to afford a new property in the same area where their child goes to school and has friends whereas his wife will not be able to afford a property in the same area, meaning longer distance for school runs, the child seeing less of her friends,...

I've never heard of a father getting more than 50% custody but I guess if that's the best situation for the child, that's how a judge should rule.

Has your friend considered that his ex-wife-to-be may be allowed to stay in the house and your friend have to find somewhere else to live?

GiantTCR

Pollycat said:

GiantTCR said:

tightauldgit said:

GiantTCR said:

Asking for a friend who's going through a rough divorce.

My friend and his wife are divorcing, they have a child.

They are going through mediation and they seemed to be in agreement for a 50-50 split of the assets and 50-50 custody of the child.

The wife just found out that in case of 50-50 custody, she will not be getting any child maintenance payments so, all of a sudden, she changed her tune.

She sent a very weird email to my friend, full of lies. She's now accusing him of being verbally violent and abusive towards her and doing so in front of the child. She's accusing him of having anger management issues. And a lot of other lies. She's saying now that the custody should not be split 50-50 because it's not in the child's best interest.

Now, you would think that any person with common sense (let alone a judge) would see how the wife's tune changed right after she found out she may be getting nothing for child maintenance. But, how do you think a judge would see the situation? At the end of the day, it's just her word against my friend's, but she's throwing some very heavy accusations. How can she get away with it? Can my friend sue her for slander? 

But don't assume the 50/50 split happens by default. The court will look at what's best for the child. A lot of that will be practical concerns about how they go to school, who works what hours where, handover arrangements, housing arrangements, the kids friends etc etc. 

 

Thanks. So, it could also be that the court will rule in favour of my friend having more than 50% custody if those you listed were taken into consideration. My friend's salary is higher than his wife's which makes him able to afford a new property in the same area where their child goes to school and has friends whereas his wife will not be able to afford a property in the same area, meaning longer distance for school runs, the child seeing less of her friends,...

I've never heard of a father getting more than 50% custody but I guess if that's the best situation for the child, that's how a judge should rule.

Has your friend considered that his ex-wife-to-be may be allowed to stay in the house and your friend have to find somewhere else to live?

It's one of the many possible outcomes if they went to court, yes.

Wyndham

I can't really comment on this case, and don't know about the court side of things, but....

...no one ever knows what a marriage is like unless they are inside it. All kinds of things go on behind closed doors. And it can take courage to finally speak out.

Are you sure (100% sure) that your friend is telling the full truth and the wife is definitely lying?

GiantTCR

You can never of course be 100% sure but you can 100% trust what your friend tells you.