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  • zagfles
    zagfles Posts: 21,495 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Chutzpah Haggler
    GiantTCR said:
    elsien said:
    Not if they are working long hours and away from home a lot making that extra money.
    Money  helps but a better quality of life isn't just related to finances. 
    Your statement is a blanket one, in the same way as the view that you are arguing against. 
    Your statement isn't any better. Both men and women can work equally long hours. Or are you suggesting that women work less than men, therefore they should have custody of the kids because they can spend time with them? I could even argue the opposite: after a mother stayed off work to be a stay-at-home mum, once she's back in full-time employment she may want to work longer hours to boost her career and make up for lost time. 

    It's 2023 almost: men and women work the same. Only for now men make more money (which is not fair but that's how it is at the moment).

    I'll put it down more easily for you: in a scenario where father and mother work the same amount of time, the father tends to earn more than the mother (because of gender pay gap, but that's not the issue). Therefore the kids would be better off with the father.
    Not true - at least for those under 40, ie those likely to have younger children. ONS stats on gender pay show that for under 40's in full time employment, the gender pay gap is almost zero. For part time workers, it's similar, women even earn slightly more than men.
    So if they work the same hours, there's no significant pay gap between men and women, at least while they're under 40. What causes the GPG for younger workers is that women tend to work less hours.

  • zagfles said:

    Not true - at least for those under 40, ie those likely to have younger children. ONS stats on gender pay show that for under 40's in full time employment, the gender pay gap is almost zero. For part time workers, it's similar, women even earn slightly more than men.
    So if they work the same hours, there's no significant pay gap between men and women, at least while they're under 40. What causes the GPG for younger workers is that women tend to work less hours.

    What Zagfiles said is true.  Despite the narrative being pedalled in recent years it's been illegal to pay men and women differently for the same job since the 70s.  You are probably thinking that men typically work jobs that pay more, which is a completely different animal.

  • GiantTCR
    GiantTCR Posts: 132 Forumite
    100 Posts
    When you agree to a 50-50 shared custody of the kids, can you impose a limit to the number of holidays/trips your ex partner can take the kids to?
  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,236 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    GiantTCR said:
    When you agree to a 50-50 shared custody of the kids, can you impose a limit to the number of holidays/trips your ex partner can take the kids to?
    Possibly, but why would you want to? 

    Any arrangements about childnre should be focussed on what's in the childnre's best interest. So it is likely to be reasonable to include arrangements for holkidayus to be taken during school holidays, and of course if you are splitting care euqally that limits the time available for each of you to take them away. You may wat to conside what works better - for instnace, it's pretty common to provide that the childnre have half of the holidays with each parents, for summer holidays you might want to think about whether that is going to work best as 1x1 weeks and 1 x 2 weeks each in the summer, or alternating weeks, or 1 block of 3 weeks each, same with half terms,  you can split each half term or you can alreanate, so wone year they have Feb and Oct with one parent and May with the other, and thenext year it's other way round, and thighs like how likely each of you is to want to take them away may factor into that. 

    If either parent has family or strong connections with nother country it's also reasonable to take that into account, both in terms of considerating what arrangements are goingto work best for splitting the holiduaays, and also whether any additional provisions are needed (for instnace, if there is a fear that the parents might take them tothe other country and not return) 

    In theaory you could have an order or agreement that limited you to each taking them out of England and WAles to a maximum or 1 or 2 times per year, but either of you could still apply to the court to change that in future, and a court is very unlikely to refuse permsission for a holidya, or several holidyuas, withoutgood reason. 
    bviously, if one parent was wnating to take multiple holidyas hich meant that the childnre didn't get to spend tith the other parents, that's a different issue, but normally with a shared care arrangements you would have provisions about how the holidyas are split and what each of you does with you part of the holiday is then up to you 
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
  • GiantTCR
    GiantTCR Posts: 132 Forumite
    100 Posts
    TBagpuss said:
    GiantTCR said:
    When you agree to a 50-50 shared custody of the kids, can you impose a limit to the number of holidays/trips your ex partner can take the kids to?
    Possibly, but why would you want to? 

    It's my friend's wife that wants to impose the limit.

    As far as I know it's not just for longer holidays outside of the country but she also wants to impose a limit to weekends away like Fri-Sun trips.
  • DE_612183
    DE_612183 Posts: 3,847 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    GiantTCR said:
    When you agree to a 50-50 shared custody of the kids, can you impose a limit to the number of holidays/trips your ex partner can take the kids to?
    wouldn't that just be a disadvantage to the children and a stick for the partner - I can just see the conversation - "I wanted to take you to disneyland, but your father won't let me take you as I can only take you on a nice holiday once a year"
  • elsien
    elsien Posts: 36,140 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    GiantTCR said:
    TBagpuss said:
    GiantTCR said:
    When you agree to a 50-50 shared custody of the kids, can you impose a limit to the number of holidays/trips your ex partner can take the kids to?
    Possibly, but why would you want to? 

    It's my friend's wife that wants to impose the limit.

    As far as I know it's not just for longer holidays outside of the country but she also wants to impose a limit to weekends away like Fri-Sun trips.
    That may also depend on the circumstances and timing - obviously removing children from school for a long weekend is going to be an issue. Travelling somewhere on the Friday night after school, less so. 
    Bottom line though (unless court decides otherwise) is when the child is with you, it's up to you what you do with that time. Unless it is negatively impacting on the child in which case further discussion may be merited.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • tightauldgit
    tightauldgit Posts: 2,628 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    You can certainly agree such limits and put them in a settlement but I can't see that any court would impose it on anyone without some extenuating circumstances. What benefit would it have for the children? 

    If you agree a split of time then what you do with that time is your own choice provided it isn't causing problems for the child. If you were continually bringing them back late from trips away or they were missing school or whatever then that might be a different matter. But just taking them on a trip during your own time??? Why would any court limit that? 
  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,236 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    edited 10 January 2023 at 5:39PM
    Yes, Fri Sun might be an issue if it means that the child(ren) is/are tired and it impacts thier school work but the  bais is always about what's in the childnre'sbest interests. 

    but normally, as Elsien says, it's up to each parent to decide what they feel is best for the children while they are in their care, and the other parent should only be getting involved if there are concerns for the child.

    It might be different if you have a child with special needs , for instnace some children with autism might find trips or changes to their routine difficult, and if a child is involved in a regualr activity at weekends then missing it too often might not be ideal, particualrly if it afffected their changesof getting into a team or soemthing else they wanted to do, but these all come back to whether the trips are in the child's best interest or not.

    That said. OP or their friend needs to think about whether this is going to be their hill to di on or whether they are willing to compromise to try to keep things amicable. Are they objecting becasue they have specifc routines that involve lots of weekend trips or are they just annoyed that their ex is trying to dictate what they can do? 
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
  • caprikid1
    caprikid1 Posts: 2,454 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    "50/50 is a nice idea but is generally not a practical solution in the best interests of the child."

    100% rubbish, this just perpetuates the myth that the female is the best to bring up the children (Not mentioned but sure that was what the OP is thinking).

    Having done shared custody for over 8 years now of my children I can definitely say it works excellently, both parents had equal responsibilities for care and finances.  The reason it works so well is  by focusing 100% on what is best is based on the child.

    The children are now 16 & 19 and still happily move between houses, they now do it far more fluidly although Sundays is still mainly switchover time. With Hybrid working etc shared parenting should be the starting point and the norm.

    Too many couples split up using the children as weapons and possessions and fight for maximum ownership and control, we empowered our children to have choice and flexibility.
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