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Want to leave but can't do it.
in Marriage, relationships & families
57 replies 4.8K views
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OP, I really hope that you find a way to deal with this. Best wishes to you.
I've just read this entire thread...
I really hope that the amazing replies you have received will help you to understand that you are not in a relationship, you are being abused and it has to stop.
I would never just palm the 43k off on him as we have run some of it up as a family. I need to work out what to do.
I almost told him today, and then planned to do it over the weekend, but then my brother and his wife got in touch asking us to go out with them, plus we are having a bit of drama with our eldest son!! So, it isn't right.
Instead, I have put money into a savings account. I will add more when I get paid, and then more in January when I get some student loans. I should have around £1500 saved then, which would get me a place to rent.
I am going to change my wages to get paid into my individual Chase account and also move a few payments over that are 'mine' like my loan, my phone, union subscription and possibly the car payment. That way I have already separated finances to some extent. I have plenty of credit on credit cards available, so I will be able to finance the £600 fee for the divorce application.
I think I will let things run along until after Christmas. Let everyone have one last nice Christmas before I screw everyone over. Hopefully I will have enough money to be able to just move out then.
This is going to sound silly, but I have only just realised (because of this thread) that I can just leave. He doesn't own me and I don't need his permission to leave, or to apply for a divorce. I don't know why this has never occurred to me before? I've always thought that we need to agree to separate, but we don't - I can just take back my own freedom. I can take on a new place and just move out.
Thanks again for all the advice and suggestions.
You are absolutely free to leave whenever you want to. He does not own you. You are both individuals with the right to choose your own paths.
Keep us updated. x
Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')
No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)
There's tons of help available for dealing with the debts, the Debt Free Wannabe board here for starters. You don't need to make any quick decisions about that, though. Get your new home sorted, get settled and then deal with the debts.
Good luck with everything and feel free to come back to vent, update, chat or for anything else.