Diary of a 30-something idiot

SuzeQStan

Fox - you are grieving on top of this sustained financial stress - honestly you must be one of the toughest people I’ve ever heard of.  

Even the toughest need a break. Advice above for a couple few days off work to grieve and take stock is good. And to see your gp - please take that advice in particular to heart.  

You have many who count on you - please please prioritise yourself.  You are generous to those around you - do something just for you - reach out for help.

pls keep posting xx

teamkathy

Hi foxandflowers, I'm really sorry to hear that you have been having a difficult time and I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been catching-up on your diary and it sounds like you have been doing an amazing job at dealing with all the curveballs life is throwing at you. Thank you for sharing your journey too.

I'd definitely second speaking to your GP or maybe a charity like Shout? The latter offer a text message service (I always find it easier to write than speak sometimes). And maybe taking some time off sick so you can process and have some time to re-group. You definitely deserve all the time, help and support you need to get through this period and beyond. 

I'm cheering you on and I really hope things get a bit easier soon. Sending hugs. x 

SuzeQStan

@foxandflowers - how are you today?

enthusiasticsaver

You are obviously struggling now so your husband needs to step up.  Tell him to access your nearest foodbank and don't worry about the debts.  They will have to wait.  

If you are having suicidal thoughts please contact the Samaritans or your local GP. If you work for a large organisation it might be worth contacting your occupational health department to see if they offer counselling.  

Sorry about your dog and hope things start to improve for you.  

foxandflowers

Hi everyone. 

I'm still here. Just about. 
Am finding it quite hard to put into words just how miserable everything is. 
Am very tempted to just spend all my wages, and not pay any bills and just have a month of not struggling, but I know realistically that is not a smart plan at all. 

I've booked tomorrow off work to have a long weekend. I want to go and do something, even if it's just going for a walk somewhere because I am suffering technological burnout and I don't want to look at any screens. But because we live here, and the van is still broken, we won't be able to.

I had a row with Enterprise after the hire care debacle, and they very kindly refunded me the entire cost of the car hire. So just waiting for that to land in the bank account, and then I can pay for little dog to be cremated. 

I'm trying to cling to small things to be grateful for.
Todays things are that I found a tiny frog when I was doing laundry. 
I saw a video of deer sheltering from a rain storm in Nara, Japan. 
And last night I had a very hot bath by candlelight, so for once I slept well. 

Humdinger1

You are the maypole that everyone else dances round, fox...Time for the others to step up, no? Feeling your pain re little dog; he'll be waiting for you.  Not yet though please...have you called the doc? Love Humdinger xx 

New_in_the_fens

Well done for taking some steps for your self care ❤️ please do chat with your GP as your next step. 

I hope your husband is falling over himself to support you and sort out food etc, he needs to pull his weight now more than ever. 

enthusiasticsaver

I hope you managed a walk somewhere today on your day off and enjoy your long weekend. 

WinterWarrior

Fox, forgive me, but you deserve better. If the people in your family aren’t falling over themselves to get jobs and help the household in any way they can then I think you need to get angry and know your own worth. If there is no money to collect and feed his children then give that a miss until you have moved and are in a better position. You are a generous and kind lady, but if you don’t look after yourself first then you’ll have nothing left to look after anyone else. I’m routing for you 🌟

foxandflowers

Slipped off the wagon, went to TK Maxx on Friday, picked up some bits that I've been wanting, but haven't bought for months, including a lunchbox, and a lobster print makeup bag... Went to 'spoons after as well. Naughty. But this is my diary, and I have promised to be held accountable. So the truth of the matter is bills have been missed, and I will catch up with them when we move, but I just needed to not be stressed and sad for a day.

Kicking myself now because while I was hoping we would be moving NEXT WEEK, the people we are buying off are yet to submit a certified copy of the POA. And until they do, no paperwork can be filled in, so we are no closer to having a date, or moving, and so my life continues to stagnate. 

My glasses snapped at the hinge last week, so I have an eye test tomorrow (reimbursable at work - is that even a word?) and they will also pay £40 towards the cost of a new pair of glasses. So should only cost me about £10. Am wearing monthly contact lenses that expired last summer. But at least I can see. 

Still owe:
Septic tank £1100 (not spoken to them yet)
Cremation for dog £330 
Ramsdens £140 to roll over loan (paying this on lunch today)
Also need £90 for my hair appt on the 24th
and £100 or so to buy a bike for Little One's birthday on the 20th
and several £1000's to fix the van. 

*sigh*

Little one's dad has vaguely said he might pick her up this week. So if he does it's one less mouth to feed, but I will also be sad for her, because Sister-in-law offered to take her camping with them this coming weekend. So at least one of us gets a holiday.