Diary of a 30-something idiot

Debsnewbudget

Please put the “spare money in an account where you have to give notice to withdraw it.
give yourself (and only you ) a well deserved pot of say £300 that you can spend on whatever you want but make sure you cannot spend any of the rest without waiting a month.
It will be the best way to get your head above the parapet, work out a realistic budget and stop you or others in your life spending it.
This is your only chance to get your money and debt on an even keel and is sustainable for the future whether OH works or not. 

lucielle

Good luck with the move. I agree with the others, OH needs to get a job or get out. 

L

foxandflowers

Ooooh @IdaClaire. I think? I'm honoured that I warranted your first post. I'm hoping to sort the husband, not kick him out :') But I am also aware that this situation is not tenable long term, and I don't want to move and bring our same bad habits along with us. So I'll put a time limit on it, and say that if we've been there for six months and he doesn't have a job, I will start thinking about singledom. Promise x.


@Debsnewbudget I love the idea of the "spare" being in a locked account. To be honest, all I want is some airpod pros (my current ones are broken), and some converse that aren't duct taped together. Anything else, I'd rather sell something and replace it with something else. 

I've REALLY enjoyed how minimal my life has been the last week or so with everything packed up. It really puts into perspective just how much stuff we have. And I'm pretty sure about 1/3 of it can be sold or donated once we move. 

I also have NO idea how much the kitchen reno will cost. We have to knock a wall through. And need to buy appliances. But I've just rung the local kitchen fitter and he will come out next week to talk it all through and give me a rough price. He has availability before October too (:

foxgloves

Hello F&F,
This is a big chance for you to get your finances in order because it is clear that you can't carry on with mroe of the same. I agree with suggestions already made about that lump sum going into a savings account where you are unable to dip into it. The focus now needs to be a budget. It needs to be a realistic one & one that covers all foreseeable costs. You say you are hopeless at budgeting. I used to say that back in the bad old spendy days. I have turned out to be good at budgeting. I just never did it properly.....or at all, if I'm honest. It's getting into that mindset that the money coming into your household is your money. There isn't any more. Overdrafts, credit cards, loans, etc....that's somebody else's money, not yours. You definitely need more income coming in & I agree with people who have said your partner is taking the p*ss by not contributing. Don't spend the 6 months you are allowing him for a job-finding ultimatum drifting back into debt. I think 6 months is generous, & was going to suggest 3, but then I thought if he hasn't done anything in 3 months, you would probably extend it to 6, then he will assume that nothing will happen & he can continue as usual. Anyway, back to budgeting. It isn't difficult. I came to it much later in life than many & admittedly it took me 3 goes with various systems before I found something which really works for me, but that's ok. Once you have a realistic system in place which includes all your regular outgoings, you can tweak it until you are happy with it. It will require toughness....for instance, if you have budgeted £350 a month for food (just for example), & for whatever reason you find yourself needing to do an extra shop, that can only happen if the money can be sourced from elsewhere, it CAN'T go on a credit card, ditto other everyday foreseeable expenses (& most expenses are foreseeable i.e cars need maintenance, shoes wear out, washing machines break, etc). I'm mentioning this because back before we had a working budget, we of course used credit cards as 'more of our money' & it certainly took us (especially my partner who didn't have his LBM until a little later) a while to grasp that 'credit card' isn't a budget spending stream.
I wish you all the best for the move. It can provide that most blessed of opportunities - a chance for a new start - but not if existing habits move with you. Don't let that lump sum fritter away to nothing. It's a precious resource/emergency fund. It sounds like a lot, & it is, but we all know how quickly it could disappear once it has been raided a few times because the budget isn't working.
My very best wishes for a new start, @foxandflowers
F x

lucielle

6 months is very generous. Should be able to find something sooner especially in the run up to Christmas, even if it’s temporary. 

L

foxgloves

Oh that's a good point, @lucielle. Vacancies for temporary workers are always being advertised in the run-up to Christmas & it is a good way to get a bit of recent work experience ready for applying for permanent jobs afterwards. 
f

warby68

Hasn't he already had a few months since agreeing to find work?

Months when you have been at your wits end.

Sorry to harp on, but its glaringly obvious he has no intention to help financially. I suspect he is just waiting for the house money to be freed up and clear a few debts and carry on as normal, probably in a car you've paid for picking up his children that you pay for.

I know you probably don't want to keep seeing these comments but this really is the key to your life changing for the better. Another kind of light bulb moment really.

Thinking of you especially when you go quiet.

foxandflowers

Waiting on funds to clear from our buyer so we can exchange. 
Absolutely SICK with stress.
On verge of a panic attack.
HELP.

Debsnewbudget

These things take the time they take …..
breathe…….
have you packed up your boxes in your van ready ? 

slm6002

I think anyone would feel the same.  It is a long time since I have been in that position as have been in my current house for 19/20 years now.  I think the whole process is very stressful, but I am sure that it will all go through and that you will soon be in your new home having a great new start.