Diary of a 30-something idiot

foxandflowers

ITS SNOWING

And I'm up to £255 £275 on Vinted. 

That's all for now! 

ETA: The post just arrived and my best friend sent me an Oodie. Like, an actual genuine one. It is so soft and cosy and long and I am actually warm for the first time in months. She is so kind, and I am so lucky to have her in my life. She said she wanted me to have it because I had such a rough time over Christmas/in general and never do anything for myself. I'm now crying happy tears into my coffee.

ETA 2: Just had my second performance review at work. They are "exceptionally happy" with me. Yay! Today is good. 

ETA 3: Just had a phonecall with child maintenance. They've put a deduction of earnings order on my ex, which means after months of him not paying, he will no longer have a choice in the matter, and his payments will be higher to account for all the arrears. I mean, he could still quit his job so I won't count chickens before they've hatched, but this day has just got better and better. 

slm6002

I am happy that you are having a great day - long may it continue.  Oddies (or fake ones as that is what I have) are great and I find I live in mine.  Yay for child maintenance at last .  All very positive for today

SuzeQStan

Ooh fab news F&F - sounding promising re those arrears 🎉🎉

ps I’ve got Oodie Envy 😉

enthusiasticsaver

Just quickly skimmed your diary and you seem to have a lot going on.  I am glad Monzo is working for you.  We use Starling and put all our bills money in a separate space as like you I like to know what is available to spend without having to think about what direct debits haven't gone out yet.  

Well done on getting rid of the storage unit and hopefully you are getting through selling the surplus stuff you do not need.  I would second others on saying that you need to prioritise yourself and your DD. 

As you do not drive I understand that you feel your husband pulls his weight by driving you to and from work but using double fuel is a false economy especially as your DD is at school so he has all day at home.  What does he do?  When you move can you get a house on a bus route for work and your DDs school?  You have no mortgage so you should really be in a great position but prioritising expenditure seems to be a bit of an issue.  Quite frankly turning the heating down so you are in the freezing cold whilst simultaneously giving your husband £80 a month for vaping or whatever it is is crazy. I know it is tough but protecting yourself and your DD is the main thing and as you already seem to have one useless ex I would hate for you  to be stuck with another one.  I hope your inherited house is protected from him.  How long have you been married? 

The debt situation btw will become secondary once the DMP is set up and regular payments sorted.  Just focus on making your budget work and setting up some savings pots for birthdays, christmas, holidays, house repairs  etc. Hopefully you can get at least the car sold as you don't drive there seems little point in keeping it. 

jak

I'm so glad you've come back and updated our diary. It sounds like you are feeling a bit happier now, which is good. I hope your husband begins to pull his weight more and things continue to improve for you. It sounds as though you are having to do/pay for everything yourself which is very difficult. If you ever want a chat, please feel free to message me on here. I've been where you are and know how very difficult it can be. Please take care and keep updating. We are rooting for you!
JAK
x 

foxandflowers

Hi all, 

Back in the office today after a very stressful Monday, so rather than working I am procrastinating for ten minutes to post here. This might be a bit long, because I appear to have got out of the habit of posting daily. Sorry in advance.  

I went to the hospital yesterday for the clinic appointment, and I'm really pleased to say everything was NEGATIVE. Woooo! Cancer free! However, they want to refer me for genetic testing, and this probably means the start of a different sort of road. But at least it is being dealt with proactively. Huge weight off my shoulders. Went home and logged on to work from home, but ended up just crying randomly all afternoon. Think it was a mixture of relief and memories of my mum going through chemo. There is a certain way the chemo ward smells, and it was right next to the clinic, so I got hit with a bit of a barrage. Never mind. Onwards and upwards healthwise!

I've sold the drone, which was going to pay for my hair appointment. But instead I used the money for the numberplate change on the car, so we can move forward with getting that sold, and bought food. It feels quite disconcerting to open the fridge and see that it is full. It won't last, but it is nice. I've made about £400 on vinted now, and it clears into my bank account SO slowly. But it is all progress, and the more stuff leaves the house, the happier I am feeling. It is all stuff we won't have to take with us when we move. I have four BIG bin bags of clothes left to list, which I will start tackling tonight, after taking a couple of days off listing things to catch up on all the posting. So far, only one parcel has gone AWOL. I'm still holding out hope it turns up. Either way, selling the car will give me breathing room, and pay for my hair appointment next Thursday. I desperately need to do that. It sounds selfish and silly because we are so close to running on empty, but if I don't do something for myself soon I am going to explode. 

I got a new sim card on Friday, for the first time since I got my first proper phone back in 2006... I am not on a device contract. Just a sim. £11 a month for unlimited calls/texts, and 30GB data, plus clubcard points every month. I'm in slight disbelief over how cheap it is. I know at some point Vodafone are going to come knocking for the money I owe them, but quite frankly, I'd rather pay it back at £5/£10 per month, than £330 in one go. £11 a month is the cheapest I've ever had! Except for when I was a teenager and you'd top up £10 in the corner shop when you could afford it and txt lyk dis to save characters. 

Sunday's stress baking resulted in a banana and white chocolate chip loaf cake, chocolate chip cookies, plum crumble, and a horrendous attempt at bread rolls. I cannot make bread. I don't know why I try. It is honestly beyond me, and even with a bread machine it never bl00dy works. If there are any bread gurus on here, please share your wisdom. Either it doesn't rise, or the middle is still wet, or it's too dense. I don't know. It is my enemy. The banana loaf was the best I've ever made, which because I eyed the entire thing, means I will never be able to replicate it. 

My husband has suggested I put myself forward for an autism assessment. He thinks my symptoms and mental health fit better with an autism diagnosis. Initially I was resistant, but I think he may well be on to something. His nephew is autistic, and his sister has mentioned to him about me. So, that's another thing to contend with. 

I finally withdrew from my postgrad this morning. I will never have the time or the money to finish it. Which is a huge shame, but in the end, I'm quite happy in my job as it is. I also managed to get myself a position as a secretary for the local community book swap project when we move, and all I really ever wanted was to have something to do with books, and this will do. Aside from the fact my day to day job is a proper adult one, I now have spare time to read anyway. And it is a weight off not to have to worry about assignment deadlines. I haven't had the mental capacity to study in months. Luckily it looks like they will be refunding me for one of my modules. That money is going STRAIGHT into savings, if it ever appears. 

Anyway, this update is getting heinously long, and I still haven't said everything I wanted to, but I am going to leave it here for now. 

Fox 

WinterWarrior

Excellent news on the results. That’s such a weight off your mind.
Would an autism diagnosis help you in any way? If not, then I’d be tempted not to waste time on it. I think you are doing fine without being put in a box? 

foxandflowers

Hi Winter, 

I don't really know to be honest. Diagnosis would help me feel less alone, and maybe help me "unmask" a bit more? I feel like I spend my whole life pretending to be normal, except when I'm alone. But other than that, no it probably wouldn't do much for me. Sometimes I feel like a total alien, so it would be nice to know why. Alternatively, I could just embrace the weirdness. It's tough to know what is the right call. Thank you for asking though



I'm about to sit down and have a look at my debt figures. I have a horrible feeling that they have actually gone UP. I spoke to Stepchange and added on a couple of things that were on my outgoings but are now on debt repayments, and now I'm having a bit of a slump because while I feel like I've done so well, and I've really tried to change my attitude to money, it doesn't really seem to be reflecting in the real world. Back soon. x

foxandflowers

Okay, 

Debts as of 14th March 2023. I am almost 8 weeks into keeping this diary, which is probably the longest I've stuck with anything in terms of getting myself in gear and sorting out my finances. 

Debts with Stepchange: 

Asset Collections..............11,977.60

PRA............................3509.46

Marbles........................3030.48

Vanquis Loan ..................1949.79

NCO/Arrow......................1776.98

Capital One (P.O.).............1245

Moorcroft (now Lowell).......998.89

JD Williams....................970.06

Bip............................873.72

Etika…………………….. 767.02

Mr Lender…………….. 265.60

Capital One....................195

Total: £27,559.60 

20 years until DFD.

Debts which are not with Stepchange: 

Chimney Sweep............100

Council Tax....................1200

Welsh Water....................106

Student Finance................2200

Friend Two.....................500

Friend Three…………….200

Friend One.....................5465

Electrician....................350

Mayglothling Waste.............930

Total: £11,051

Vodafone….. Approx £350. Wait until passed to debt collection, then add to Stepchange.

ENTIRE TOTAL DEBTS: £38, 960.60

 So, about £1300 more than when I started the diary. That is horrendously discouraging. However, when I get the refund from the University, that should be £1100, plus we are selling the car and I'm hoping for another £4,000 from that. So. 

THE PLAN:

-£720 solicitors fees for the house move, so we can get things rolling. 

-£200 Repay friend #3 

-£100 Pay off Chimney Sweep

-£350 Pay off Electrician

-£365 to pay off the rest of the "Bumper" plan, that meant I could get the ignition lock changed. (This isn't on my debt totals, because it's currently a £91.46 monthly payment for another four months, but I'm hoping to clear it early.) 

-£300 to Friend #1 because its so long overdue that I pay her anything back at all, that I need to shift SOME of the debt. She is waiting to be transferred off a zero hour contract, so it's only right that I help her as much as I can. 

Total = £2035. This will clear three of the non-Stepchange debts off my list, and start to bring totals down. I will also be putting £1000 into an emergency fund "pot" on Monzo, that I don't touch. Unless something blows up in my face. But even so, to have the ability to pay for a disaster from a "pot" instead of having to borrow money off people (which is sort of why my debt has continued to grow, even though I made such a good plan for everything to go down) will be so helpful. I am determined to not make things worse for myself, or my family.  It is beyond time I grew up and started taking responsibility for things and making sure I have an emergency fund and am not begging my friends to bail me out for basic needs like food and fuel. 

This leaves about £1,800 - 2,000 'unallocated' at best case scenario. My daughter needs new clothes as she has had a growth spurt so I would cautiously estimate £100 at Primark? But I don't want to touch the rest. It needs to just sit in the account for a bit. I need a buffer zone. 

I'm trying to make a plan to bring our monthly outgoings down as much as possible. I will update with a new budget for April soon x

lucielle

If you get an autism diagnosis can you apply for PIP?
L