Diary of a 30-something idiot

Take_a_hike_Elon_and_Jeff

foxandflowers said:

@dawnybabes
Unfortunately, for now the court order is still in place, so he has contact every other weekend. He doesn't stick to the times laid out, or the extra contact in the holidays however. I will be mentioning to CMS that he isn't having her as much as he is saying. 

I have posted on local FB group, and group in next village. Hopefully get a response soon - my friend has said she will pick up any for me as we still are without a vehicle. 

Fingers crossed for you  some extra income is well deserved!

Cherryfudge

A new diary may be helpful in that you definitely shouldn't be defining yourself as an idiot, and it probably doesn't help other people to get a clear view either. I don't think it will make the other comments go away though, as people will always look to improve your financial situation and that inevitably raises the question of income from all adults in the household.

I don't know if this may be of interest or not, but local Councils often run courses in Maths, English and Digital skills which are free for many people. If Mr Fox feels he's not benefitted from as good an education as he'd have liked, would something like this be of use? I've been a teaching assistant on some of our local courses and the classes are great: people are treated as individuals and real effort is made to understand their problems. There's also a nice atmosphere between the learners. Very often adults who struggle with the work world have undiagnosed conditions (as you'll know from your own diagnosis) and once these are recognised, they realise they aren't 'idiots' at all, it's just that the system they had in school didn't work for them.

Bluegreen143

I think that's a good idea from Cherryfudge. Even if you think it's better for him to be at home for Mini Fox, the reality is that in a few years she will be a teen and not need him home. Now might be a great time for him to start thinking about 'empty nest life' and upskilling himself a bit so he's ready when that happens.

Sarahwithlove

I understand your preference for one of you to be home and if that's financially viable then great. But could he do more to make money whilst ag home and to help take pressure off you. Maybe add some items to vinted or Facebook market place for you? Do some surveys? Might help him to feel better about himself and his abilities if he can find ways to bring money into the household. It's hard to read how much you are struggling to balance all these extra pressures whilst working full time. 

birdsfoottrefoil

Hey, totally agree with @Cherryfudge on looking for some courses to help Mr Fox. 

If you are wanting him home for Mini Fox then is there some ways he can help from home during school hours, so he’s there for Mini pre and post school and on call if needed? Giving him 2 hrs per day for cleaning/house admin (which I’ll assume he does as the stay at home parent) then I’m guessing he’ll have from 10-2 Mon- Fri free? I know it’s work for you but could you leave him out some stuff each day to list on Vinted? I’ve found Prolific great for surveys and have probably average around £30ppm around a full time plus job. There’s also your say pays which isn’t as well paying but they tend to be shorter and easier. Also maybe he could have a de-clutter himself and get stuff on Vinted or FB sell and seek. Maybe set him a target of £100 or something to achieve? It’d probably be mentally really beneficial for Mr Foxe to have some of his “own” money that he’s made to be able to buy you and the kids something for Christmas? 

None of that is a comment on your relationship but ideas for how you can improve your finances. As I think it’s that or you need to get a second job? Which I don’t want to say as you are doing so much. 

Much love as ever 

FacelessNumber

Hi Fox, not sure if I've commented before but have followed your diary all the way through.

I just wanted to say that I don't think it's a gender issue with Mr Fox staying at home for mini Fox, but clearly the finances aren't working, and even if it were the other way around I think people would be suggesting that the stay at home parent find a way to bring some money in, however that may be! 

Maybe you're closed off to it now after so many comments, and some of them maybe go a little far at times, but try not to write them off as unhelpful when the obvious solution financially is for the second adult (male or female) to try and bring some money in.

Only you know why this isn't an option for you, and that's fine, but if you look at it objectively that's the obvious thing people will comment on first.

I hope the house move happens soon, and I hope it solves the debt problems for you long term.

warby68

I really want things to improve for you in all ways Fox. I know you don't want commentary on your relationship but its tough to offer meaningful support when your choices in that relationship, both joint and individual, seem still to be damaging your finances to a level that I'm not sure the house move will resolve and there are obvious gaps that the non paid-working partner could fill in both financial and non-financial areas. Also if there were other solutions, then the discussion might not keep circling back but I don't think there are having got yourself flat out, under water every month and have downsized twice and changed vehicle twice in short periods of time. 

So many decisions come with ' that's fine, if you can afford it' or 'that's fine if you have the time'

Whether you are happy with the relationship or not, your current load is making you ill and that is a big worry in itself, plus it doesn't help you make good decisions. Too much pressure and we all blow the financial gasket every now and then.

I genuinely do not see this as a man/woman thing, not at all - its fundamentaly about choices and money management whichever way round it is. My main worry from a  personal perspective is little Miss Fox, with her mum so stressed and hard up for so long.

It might be good idea to start a new diary and write a fresh intro which gives just enough insight into your marital set up to head off some of the questions especially the repeat ones which seem to be quite frequent now.

Still willing you on 

 

HeavyMetalFan

Your husband really needs to think about his NI contributions. I know you have a workplace pension but retirement will be difficult with one and a bit pensions to live on.

[Deleted User]

I agree that a new diary without that awful word 'idiot' should be established. Time to close this one and move on. I would also like to suggest that any new diary contains only discussion about finances and how to improve them.

Humdinger1

@foxandflowers you can change the current diary title if you wish.  We're all cheering you on.  If DH's health is an issue, can I suggest that you look into benefits? Maybe worth appealing if they've been refused. Love Humdinger xx