Diary of a 30-something idiot

foxandflowers

@Take_a_hike_Elon_and_Jeff Don't mind me, just tearing up at my work desk. Thank you for such a lovely comment. And for having the patience to read through 152 (!!!) pages of me waffling. Thank you for understanding about the children. Won't be much longer and they'll be all grown up. We are 2/5ths of the way there already. It goes so quickly.

Definitely going to be making offers. Stepchange can do it for me if I give them the lump sum. I'm just trying to work out if its better to do it myself and send in a debt and mental health evidence form with my offers.

Fox Towers is soon going to become Fox Manor. Smaller (less wings), but just as nice. And hopefully once we have the injectors sorted, this vehicle will be less of a bag of spanners than the last.

We will be getting a slow cooker when we move to sort the batch cooking out. And a fridge/freezer with more freezer space than we currently have, so we can store more frozen bits! Subscriptions are coming down slowly. I don't need a book-box. I'd rather have a fiver a month mooching round the charity shops for a book I liked the look of than having it chosen for me. Saves me £30 a month. RE: Tech spring cleaning; a lady on the decluttering thread was doing her photos by searching that day and then deleting all the ones she didn't like. Then after a year, it's all decluttered. I thought that was a great idea.

Re: Therapy - definitely, 10000% is a priority for me when we move. I have actually found a therapist semi-local via the Autism.org directory. I think that a lot of the loss and trauma I have experienced has made me somewhat of a pathological people pleaser. I am still working on no is a complete word. It also probably contributes to my impulsivity - life is over in the blink of an eye. The trouble is learning to take pleasure from not being impulsive, from having savings and a plan of attack and being an adulty adult doesn't quite give the same dopamine hit. Not yet, anyway. That will probably come from further 're-wiring'. 

Fox.

gizmo111

foxandflowers said:

Just spoke to solicitor. 
Sale is all ready to go, still waiting on enquiries to come back from purchase. I just want a daaaaaaaaaaate.

 Also, regarding family law. Does anyone know if your ex refuses to keep to the times/dates in the court order (ie Minifox's dad has not had her for any of the allocated time in the holidays all year, keeps dropping her back early) what my recourse is? Mediation won't work but I don't have the ££ to go back to court right now. 

There is nothing you can do - the court cannot make him see her, it can only make provision for him to see her.  If maintenance is through CMS then you can recalculate the number of nights he has her and claim the adjustment. 

dawnybabes

I’d second counting the days he actually has her and contacting CMS - might help focus his mind ! 

birdsfoottrefoil

Sorry you’re having such a crap time Foxes! Can’t advise on CMS, but definitely back the therapy comment!! Hope this week goes better  

foxandflowers

FIL lent us some money so I've split it in half, done a food shop for this week, and put half aside for next week. Two weeks left until payday, and payslips still aren't up so I don't know what I'll be getting yet. I just know my deductions are going to be horrific between undergrad/postgrad student loans. At the last Market Supplement, I got over £640 deducted between loan repayments and tax. ): 

I have my month 5 induction this morning at 10.30, and then the Stage 2 Attendance Management with HR tomorrow. I haven't done anything wrong and I still have a pit in my stomach. I feel like I'm in trouble.

The garage we got the caddy from is going to call my mechanic this morning at 9.30 to discuss what needs doing / pricing. We've been quoted £250 for all new seals on all 4 injectors and a new rocker gasket cover. The garage have said they will 'sort it' but now want to speak to them directly to see what is going on. I just want a vehicle on my drive. I have a feeling it won't be there this weekend, and I am going to scream if we have to do another weekend of trains, when we have a vehicle. 

Found a copy online of the new Deadpool movie and watched with Mr Fox last night. My thoughts roughly as follows; Cassandra is the greatest villain. I need an Azazel/Nightcrawler movie. Channing Tatum should NEVER be Remy LeBeau/Gambit and that really annoyed me. Welshpool!! Was the first non-sport thing we've watched together in ages, aside from Hells Kitchen. Was nice, if not blooming freezing as the boiler is having a fit and leaks if I turn the heating on. I really think we both ought to make more of an effort to spend time together that isn't just discussing how rubbish things are. It's hard work keeping a marriage going when everything is awful. Love is so much easier when you aren't worrying about the minutiae of day to day life - maybe that's why teen romances are so passionate.

I'm supposed to be WFH 2 days a week from next week. Will save me another £15 a month in bus fare, as I can buy the 3-in-5 ticket instead of a monthly. In the new year I can do 5-in-30 if I am WFH 3 days a week - so less than £50 a month on the bus tickets. Finally. Every little helps. Tempted to withdraw that £15 and stuff it in my cash emergency fund.

I still have loads of stuff to put up for sale. And not enough motivation to do it.

foxandflowers

The man we got the van from has agreed to pay the £250 for the work it needs. He was making noises about swapping back as he is hugely underwater - it cost him £900 to have the green van towed to his garage, and it needs loads of work. Obviously, I am not going to swap back given that it is now in worse condition than when we swapped. 

Hopefully the caddy will be back on the road on Friday! And I can then do some clothing donations / tip runs this weekend. 

foxandflowers

I've had a very strange sort of day.

Firstly on the moneysaving front, I've tweaked my budget for the new house. I've decided to go for a pocket money approach, giving myself and Mr Fox £80 a month and £20 for Mini Fox. Out of the 'pocket money' will come clothes, vaping, subscriptions, personal care items, etc. That way the rest of the budget can be focused on actually saving money/paying bills/buying food, and we get some money each month to spend on what we want. 

The lady whose house we are buying text me yesterday to suggest a moving date of the 10th December, so I really need to get some packing boxes and get a move on with sorting everything out. Would be so good to be in for Christmas though.

Backpay has loaded onto our systems, so I will be getting £2,257 this month. Unfortunately due to deductions (looking at you Student Loans/Postgrad Loan) that only means an extra £400. So I will need to pay back FIL from that, leaving £250 to put towards Christmas/Moving. 

In non-money saving news, I had my second stage sickness meeting this morning to discuss my absences and my occupational health referral. I got quite upset because I had to sort of explain/defend myself and I'm not very good at that. December is rapidly approaching and that is always a really hard month for me due to my parents' deaths. So I was upset, and then my boss suggested I go and get a coffee before returning to work so I could gather myself. I went to Greggs to use my free Monzo coffee, and on the way back up the hill something shiny caught my eye on the floor. I thought it was a crinkled bit of tin foil, but it was a tiny metal angel.

 

Cherryfudge

What a lovely little find!

I hope the coffee helped after that meeting. It sounds as though your boss was at least trying to help. I find the way neurodiversity is explained and understood is not how I experience it, and if that's misleading me, it may mislead others too.

Frith

I'm going to type something now, with no ill will meant at all.

I started reading your thread about an hour ago, occasionally skipping a few pages.

It was such a long thread that I was really interested to see what would have happened by page 153.

I was so genuinely upset that you are not single by this point that I had to leave the laptop to have a cup of tea. Why are you letting this lazy, useless man ruin your life? If you don't value yourself enough, why are you letting him take money that could be spent on your children?

YEARS have gone by in this thread and he has made no improvement whatsoever. 

You are working so hard, at home and in your job, coming home to do everything else. What even is the point of him?

Frith

https://www.drnataliejones.com/relationshipsdependent-partner-refuses-work/