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Fantastic news about the house sale..! Hopefully you'll have a date sometime soon.foxandflowers said:
Also, regarding family law. Does anyone know if your ex refuses to keep to the times/dates in the court order (ie Minifox's dad has not had her for any of the allocated time in the holidays all year, keeps dropping her back early) what my recourse is?
Good morning Mrs F
Well first of all I want to say that I read your diary from beginning to end a few days ago. So a lot of the events are current in my head. Also this is my first post on here so I wanted it to be motivational and believe it or not a lot of us on here share your pain and frustration as we too have not got a proper grip on our finances.
One observation is I think you mentioned it, or someone else but it’s like training a muscle and also for many of us including myself,it’s about changing a mindset and attitude after decades (in my case) of not taking responsibility. Re programming our minds is a major task but the mere fact that you are writing your diary here and I, like many others are reading it, in my case it’s also therapy for me so thanks so much for that.
I think how we grow up has a massive influence on our outlook to money and bizarrely my father was always good with finance and my older brother but I was always useless. I shan’t delve into why I am not right now.
I have to say contrary to what others have been saying on here, you and Mr F got married and you assumed the role of step mum. It would appear from your posts that you are extremely kind and loving to all the kids in your home regardless of whether some are biologically yours or not.
I really commend you for this as I grew up with a very unpleasant stepmother. I am not a parent but I do know that children need lots of love and motivation. Never change in that respect and you are a role model they will always look up to! So keep your focus on your money maturity, remember we are all reprogramming our brains it’s not an instant software update!
I am sorry to hear about your auntie and also the loss of your dogs that’s a lot to handle so don’t be too hard on yourself.
From reading your posts, you mention your neurodiversity I feel you need to really give yourself a big pat on the back as you are a super woman dealing with all these challenges.
I’ve read you are downsizing your house, essentially to free up some cash to improve your situation. This is super scary as initially you have done this before and it started off ok and then slowly things became untangled and I can relate to this as I too have done it.
Years ago I was on a DMP plan with Step Change so been there done it and worn the t-shirt, when you have a lump sum from your house sale contact step change and discuss it just so you follow the steps properly.
You are under no obligation to tell your creditors how much spare cash you have nor where you have received it from. I would without a doubt make final offers and also remember the final offers they accept are based on the debt is cleared and they will not pursue you in the future for additional payments and interest, this must be in writing before you pay them.
Not all will accept your final offer but based on what you offer most will.
I’d say a fewer of the smaller creditors might refuse but who knows.
Once you have paid off the debts my absolute number one priority would be to book and pay for a therapist, there is nothing shameful about this this will help you focus on not blowing the rest but also I wonder if a part of your struggle even though you don’t mention it,is the loss of your parents at such a young age.
To be honest you may or may not realise it but this could be a major contributing factor to your debt issues.
You are number one and number one needs to feed one’s self physically and mentally.
Even though you haven’t got to the point of actually having completed your house sale, it’s not too early to seek out a therapist because you too have to feel comfortable with the right person that can deal with and understand your challenges. I don’t mean paying now for one but some ground work so boom when that money hits the account pay for a block of therapy up front.
I don’t remember the details of your exact outgoings however maybe this is the wrong advice but as your diary is fresh in my mind. Two things stand out massively your cash muncher on wheels,no man this is just horrendous ! Break down after breakdown it’s cost you a fortune. If a vehicle is really a necessity in your life I would actually buy a car which is less than 5 years old and keep it for about 3 years max. Lets face it cars are a liability but imho I think a newer one is going to be more reliable , economical to run and hopefully less to insure.
Possibly the secret here is to have some notice accounts when you have some spare cash after the move. Open a 12 month fixed account shove money in for the next Xmas. Have a 14 day notice account for emergencies that way there is no immediate temptation but you can still get to it if something breaks down.
Another 2 month notice account for your car service I would time it about 2 months before the mot expiry hence any issues can be picked up in advance of the mot.
Another thing to mention sorry to say it but the subscriptions too many I’ think a ruthless choice needs to be made here. The financial situation will NEVER NEVER NEVER improve whilst all these subscriptions are in place.
I don’t live in the UK but work there on a part time basis so my only subscription is £0.99 per month iCloud storage and Netflix as I travel a lot and live on my own and the Netflix is my only entertainment as I cannot afford to go out for coffees and drinks.
I was on a higher iCloud subscription but my best friend added me onto his One Drive subscription which is super kind and so I was able to upload a ton of photos and videos and documents. Perhaps you have a close friend that could add you onto their One Drive subscription? It is a family subscription and has a mass amount of storage space you’d be surprised!
It’s quite time consuming doing photo,file and video transfers to onedrive but satisfying at the same time and don’t
worry because oneDrive works with both Android and IOS across all devices.
Also a big tech “spring clean” is quite eye opening as without noticing it but one has so many duplicate photos etc. WhatsApp in particular clogs up so much memory space.
Onwards with subscriptions Spotify I have premium and rarely pay I swap periodically between Apple Music and Spotify taking advantage of their free 3 month trial offers the secret here is create a new email address each time.
Also when you get that cash perhaps a bulk dry store goods shop would be beneficial i.e rice, pasta, etc plus a bulk cleaning shop i.e toilet paper etc buy enough for a year. When you set up your new grocery budget a certain percentage each month is transferred immediately into a notice account I would suggest a 2 month notice period so once a year you do an annual bulk buy. Huge discounts ca be achieved bulk buying.
I found it incredible what I can scrape together dry store wise when cooking when skint and tasty too.
Have you thought about weekly batch cooking? A suggestion here is each , each kid has to help with the batch cooking and other household chores ,their reward is X amount in pounds as paper credit which can go towards your chosen monthly subscription if they don’t pull their weight but sorry no subscription. As kid I had to wash dishes and mow the lawn etc to earn pocket money even if I’ve not been good with money in the past I certainly know how to deal with chores.
I think I could add so more here but this post is insanely long for a first post but thanks so much for sharing your diary, it helps me too immensely!
One little last thing we are now entering into a period of capitalism overdrive with Xmas lurching around the corner perhaps we can all benefit from choosing selectively what we read and watch whether it be on the tele, the phone or computer ,there are ways to prevent adverts ramming us especially social media it’s really beneficial to our mental well being.
Be proud you are a great loving mum and partner but remember you are number one and when the time comes think seriously about allocating some funds to therapy all of us need it and your mental well being is hugely important. Head up shoulders high you are doing good!!!
Enjoy the rest of your Monday :-)
P.S you do approach this with humour which sometimes is so important at times in one post you mentioned “fox towers” it had me in stitches!!!
