Diary of a 30-something idiot

foxandflowers

Hi Sarah & Bluegreen - I have tried to be as realistic as possible with the new budget. The £200 'spare' is contingency for the aforementioned - extra little presents, cards, etc. Ideally I'd like a cushion in my account of £1,200 at any one time, separate to the emergency fund so I know without looking that the bills can always be paid.

This month on the other hand is a flat out disaster. I've missed bill payments this month. There is nowhere to cut back. Losing stepson's rent has been a devastating blow financially. I've rung Stepchange to say I can't afford it this month, and Ovo to skip this month's payment. I've spoken to Welsh Water because I've missed that Direct Debit too, so they've spread this month's bill over future payments. I've had to roll over Ramsden's. The only bonus here is that I've spoken to people rather than just ignoring the situation.

I've managed to pay my council tax, the DVLA & van insurance and the internet. I don't know how I am going to afford food past this weekend, unless I borrow money off someone. I am sick and tired of myself. 

stymied

Do you know what went wrong this month? Was it the increased travel expenses with the van in the garage?

Current situation - get Mr Fox to look for food bank or community pantry asap. Lots of single income households must need this, there's no shame in these crazy cost of living times.

Anything more to sell on Vinted?

Future - do you have the payments for stepkids expenses in a separate pot even though they're variable? Or do these also come under the general category?

I hope the house sale goes through quickly so things start looking up for you soon.

Purplelady65

Sorry to hear you’re not feeling very well. Re your vehicle fund there is nothing in there to cover any maintenance or repairs. I know you are setting up an emergency fund but ongoing maintenance on your vehicle isn’t really an emergency it will be an ongoing cost. Could you allocate £100 extra a month to the vehicle fund then if for example you need a new tyre or windscreen wipers you can take the money from the vehicle fund. 

birdsfoottrefoil

Hi Foxes, why have things gone so wrong this month? I cannot judge as I’ve had a bit of a disaster the last month or two and my debts gone up 🤦‍♀️

It might be worth doing a bit of a review of spending this month, do you do a spreadsheet where you write in every spend against a category? I’ve found it really helpful as I was spending about £1000pm more then I though by my budget 🫠🫠🫠

Could Mr Fox do some Prolific surveys it wouldn’t be a massive amount but should help. Or does he have any suggestions to help? 

I hope occ health help!! I know you might think I’ve been quite critical but I do think you need to have faith in yourself. You seem to have kept a household of 6 ish going single-handedly. 

On the food thing I’ve been doing a really good recipe recently for Daal which is super cheap; but tastes sooo much like a takeaway Daal. http://www.thismuslimgirlbakes.com/2013/01/restaurant-style-daal.html?m=1

Good luck, but I do think you need more than one income and if Mr Fox isn’t going to take responsibility then you need to get a second job. 

foxandflowers

What has screwed me this month has been part exchanging the green van. It needed sooo much work doing to it, not just the brake lights. It had started to rain inside via the windshield etc. So we got £5k for it, but I had to find a little extra to complete the part-ex.  I took it to my mechanic on Thursday when it started smoking and it appears when they replaced the injectors they didn't replace the seals, so one of the injectors isn't working properly, causing the engine to misfire. Luckily the garage we did this with has said he will pay for the fault.

The trains have cost me a small fortune too. I've spent over £200 on trains in the last fortnight. It's football season, and we've had to have the kids - so when those combine, that's 3 days of return trips on the train. Even going via trainline it's been pricey. 

Grocery budget has gone haywire; a lot of the Asda shop I had delivered was short dated and went off, and not being able to go to any local shop due to lack of vehicle except Co-op has been crippling. 

My boiler has started leaking again.

I've been utterly depressed and honestly gave up for a week or so, but we are back to it now. I keep re-running the numbers for the new house in some sort of strange desperate self-soothing act. I just want a firm date to work towards. 

Found a copy online of Wild Robot on Saturday and watched it with my daughter. Absolutely bawled my eyes out. There's a bit where the Robot says she doesn't have the programming to be a mother, and it struck a real chord for me. It's the best film I've seen this year. 

My uncle messaged me last night to say my aunt had passed away. That's the last of the aunties on my mum's side gone. Only 2 uncles left now, out of 6 siblings. 

Sadly yours, 

Fox.

Bluegreen143

So sorry about your aunt Fox.

I took the kids to see The Wild Robot in the cinema and I thought it was amazing! Really enjoyed it and yes it’s emotional too.

MeandO

Keep on keeping on Fox, brighter days are coming xx

foxandflowers

Just spoke to solicitor. 
Sale is all ready to go, still waiting on enquiries to come back from purchase. I just want a daaaaaaaaaaate.

 Also, regarding family law. Does anyone know if your ex refuses to keep to the times/dates in the court order (ie Minifox's dad has not had her for any of the allocated time in the holidays all year, keeps dropping her back early) what my recourse is? Mediation won't work but I don't have the ££ to go back to court right now. 

LilSmiler

foxandflowers said:

 Also, regarding family law. Does anyone know if your ex refuses to keep to the times/dates in the court order (ie Minifox's dad has not had her for any of the allocated time in the holidays all year, keeps dropping her back early) what my recourse is? 

Fantastic news about the house sale..! Hopefully you'll have a date sometime soon.

I really struggle when I think about separated mothers & fathers, how and why would you not want to see your child(ren) as often as possible..?!

My son has been in an 8 month (so far) battle with the mother of his (1 year old this week) daughter, just to have any agreeable time with her

Take_a_hike_Elon_and_Jeff

Good morning Mrs F

Well first of all I want to say that I read your diary from beginning to end a few days ago. So a lot of the events are current in my head. Also this is my first post on here so I wanted it to be motivational and believe it or not a lot of us on here share your pain and frustration as we too have not got a proper grip on our finances. 

One observation is I think you mentioned it, or someone else but it’s like training a muscle and also for many of us including myself,it’s about changing a mindset and attitude after decades (in my case) of not taking responsibility. Re programming our minds is a major task but the mere fact that you are writing your diary here and I, like many others are reading it, in my case it’s also therapy for me so thanks so much for that.

I think how we grow up has a massive influence on our outlook to money and bizarrely my father was always good with finance and my older brother but I was always useless. I shan’t delve into why I am not right now.

I have to say contrary to what others have been saying on here, you and Mr F got married and you assumed the role of step mum. It would appear from your posts that you are extremely kind and loving to all the kids in your home regardless of whether some are biologically yours or not.

I really commend you for this as I grew up with a very unpleasant stepmother. I am not a parent but I do know that children need lots of love and motivation. Never change in that respect and you are a role model they will always look up to! So keep your focus on your money maturity, remember we are all reprogramming our brains it’s not an instant software update!

I am sorry to hear about your auntie and also the loss of your dogs that’s a lot to handle so don’t be too hard on yourself.

From reading your posts, you mention your neurodiversity I feel you need to really give yourself a big pat on the back as you are a super woman dealing with all these challenges.

I’ve read you are downsizing your house, essentially to free up some cash to improve your situation. This is super scary as initially you have done this before and it started off ok and then slowly things became untangled and I can relate to this as I too have done it.

Years ago I was on a DMP plan with Step Change so been there done it and worn the t-shirt, when you have a lump sum from your house sale contact step change and discuss it just so you follow the steps properly.

You are under no obligation to tell your creditors how much spare cash you have nor where you have received it from. I would without a doubt make final offers and also remember the final offers they accept are based on the debt is cleared and they will not pursue you in the future for additional payments and interest, this must be in writing before you pay them.

Not all will accept your final offer but based on what you offer most will.

I’d say a fewer of the smaller creditors might refuse but who knows.

Once you have paid off the debts my absolute number one priority would be to book and pay for a therapist, there is nothing shameful about this this will help you focus on not blowing the rest but also I wonder if a part of your struggle even though you don’t mention it,is the loss of your parents at such a young age.

To be honest you may or may not realise it but this could be a major contributing factor to your debt issues.

You are number one and number one needs to feed one’s self physically and mentally. 

Even though you haven’t got to the point of actually having completed your house sale, it’s not too early to seek out a therapist because you too have to feel comfortable with the right person that can deal with and understand your challenges. I don’t mean paying now for one but some ground work so boom when that money hits the account pay for a block of therapy up front.

I don’t remember the details of your exact outgoings however maybe this is the wrong advice but as your diary is fresh in my mind. Two things stand out massively your cash muncher on wheels,no man this is just horrendous ! Break down after breakdown it’s cost you a fortune. If a vehicle is really a necessity in your life I would actually buy a car which is less than 5 years old and keep it for about 3 years max. Lets face it cars are a liability but imho I think a newer  one is going to be more reliable , economical to run and hopefully less to insure.

Possibly the secret here is to have some notice accounts when you have some spare cash after the move. Open a 12 month fixed account shove money in for the next Xmas. Have a 14 day notice account for emergencies that way there is no immediate temptation but you can still get to it if something breaks down.

 Another  2 month notice account for your car service I would time it about 2 months before the mot expiry hence any issues can be picked up in advance of the mot.

Another thing to mention sorry to say it but the subscriptions too many I’ think a ruthless choice needs to be made here. The financial situation will NEVER  NEVER NEVER improve whilst all these subscriptions are in place.

I don’t live in the UK but work there on a part time basis so my only subscription is £0.99 per month iCloud storage and Netflix as I travel a lot and live on my own and the Netflix is my only entertainment as I cannot afford to go out for coffees and drinks.

I was on a higher iCloud subscription but my best friend added me onto his One Drive subscription which is super kind and so I was able to upload a ton of photos and videos and documents. Perhaps you have a close friend that could add you onto their One Drive subscription? It is a family subscription and has a mass amount of storage space you’d be surprised!

It’s quite time consuming doing photo,file and video transfers to onedrive but satisfying at the same time and don’t 

worry because oneDrive works with both Android and IOS across all devices.

Also a big tech “spring clean” is quite eye opening as without noticing it but one has so many duplicate photos etc. WhatsApp in particular clogs up so much memory space.

Onwards with subscriptions Spotify I have premium and rarely pay I swap periodically between Apple Music and Spotify taking advantage of their free 3 month trial offers the secret here is create a new email address each time.

Also when you get that cash perhaps a bulk dry store goods shop would be beneficial i.e rice, pasta, etc plus a bulk cleaning shop i.e toilet paper etc buy enough for a year. When you set up your new grocery budget a certain percentage each month is transferred immediately into a notice account I would suggest a 2 month notice period so once a year you do an annual bulk buy. Huge discounts ca be achieved bulk buying.

I found it incredible what I can scrape together dry store wise when cooking when skint and tasty too.

Have you thought about weekly batch cooking? A suggestion here is each , each kid has to help with the batch cooking and other household chores ,their reward is X amount  in pounds as paper credit which can go towards your chosen monthly subscription if they don’t pull their weight but sorry no subscription. As  kid I had to wash dishes and mow the lawn etc to earn pocket money even if I’ve not been good with money in the past I certainly know how to deal with chores.

I think I could add so more here but this post is insanely long for a first post but thanks so much for sharing your diary, it helps me too immensely!

One little last thing we are now entering into a period of capitalism overdrive with Xmas lurching around the corner perhaps we can all benefit from choosing selectively what we read and watch whether it be on the tele, the phone or computer ,there are ways to prevent adverts ramming us especially social media it’s really beneficial to our mental well being.

Be proud you are a great loving mum and partner but remember you are number one and when the time comes think seriously about allocating some funds to therapy all of us need it and your mental well being is hugely important. Head up shoulders high you are doing good!!!

Enjoy the rest of your Monday :-)

P.S you do approach this with humour which sometimes is so important at times in one post you mentioned “fox towers” it had me in stitches!!!