Diary of a 30-something idiot

kayannie

What a lovely find! Maybe take it as a sign that someone's watching over you? 
KA

birdsfoottrefoil

Hi Foxes, very sweet find. 

On the work stuff, have you joined the Union. I’m guessing you’ll be Unite? I’d really recommend it as they will provide support with these issues. I realise it’s an extra cost (it’s about £19 pm for me) but I think it would really help you and you can set it up so it comes off your wage. They would be likely to provide someone to sit in these meeting with you. They also provide a counselling and money phone line.

Purplelady65

As birdsfoottrefoil has suggested it might be worth looking into joining a union if your sickness absence meetings are at a formal stage. Were HR present at the meeting or was it just your manager? I think you need to ask your OH to take over all the meal planning, shopping and cooking within a budget immediately. You are so over worked, burnt out and stressed this must be having an impact on your ability to attend work. You just can’t continue to shoulder all the burden alone, it’s just so unfair. 

Cherryfudge

Unfortunately, while the union can be really useful, I seem to recall they don't get involved in issues that have already started. I don't know whether that includes offering advice - it might be they could advise but not arbitrate.

There is a lot of useful information on ACAS.

foxandflowers

Updates:

• Had to report Mini Fox's dad to the police for stalking and harassment. Looked at applying to the court to enforce the court order but it costs £232 and the likelihood of them actually enforcing it appears small.
• New van needs new head gasket (thankfully still under warranty so we don't have to fork out literal thousands of squids) and therefore we are approaching 2 months without a working vehicle. I want to scream. We are probably going to need to hire a car this weekend, and I just cannot afford it. I've spent so much on trains at this point that I am absolutely broke.
• Still have no moving boxes, and haven't heard anything concrete from the solicitors regarding exchange/completion. We are debating getting a storage unit to just put everything in, so we can move at short notice and not spend Christmas surrounded by packing boxes. 
• Backpay has been granted, I've been utterly rinsed by deductions so only cleared about 50% of it, which was much less than I was hoping for. 
• Bank balance is currently 50p. I have six days left until payday. 
• Many discussions have been had about our plans with moving. Consensus is 100% that we need to contribute as much as we can to an Emergency Fund each month in order to have something to fall back on. I keep telling myself it's not much longer, but it feels like forever right now.

 On the plus side, I'm killing the NSD's this month, as I've had absolutely no money to spend.

londoner2019

Hey Fox - just jumping on to say you got this.

Really sorry to hear about the harassment - can't believe they charge for enforcing an order!
New van - how frustrating. That sucks - but unfortunately if you're unable to afford the trains or a car hire this weekend then you might need to cancel those plans. Short-term pain, but in the long run post-move, and when you have a working vehicle, things will be affordable/back to normal. (I know you guys love the van, but this thread is littered with instances where things have broken and you've needed to fork out. You need a reliable vehicle, or a sinking fund in future to deal with these spends.)
Moving is stressful. I get it. When I move I hate it. But spending on storage just to get the boxes out of your hair isn't a solution. It's not cost-efficient. I'd advise against it. Things happen quickly/all of a sudden with house moves. Could be next week.
Backpay/deductions - yep, painful seeing that come out before you get the net pay. But think of it this way, that 50% is more than you were paid before. 

To sign off - you got this.

Debsnewbudget

How near is your supermarket ?   We used an awful lot of banana boxes to help us move, very strong for books dads etc.  If its walking distance can mr Fox pick up a couple a day ?

MFWannabe

foxandflowers said:

Updates:

• Had to report Mini Fox's dad to the police for stalking and harassment. Looked at applying to the court to enforce the court order but it costs £232 and the likelihood of them actually enforcing it appears small.
• New van needs new head gasket (thankfully still under warranty so we don't have to fork out literal thousands of squids) and therefore we are approaching 2 months without a working vehicle. I want to scream. We are probably going to need to hire a car this weekend, and I just cannot afford it. I've spent so much on trains at this point that I am absolutely broke.
• Still have no moving boxes, and haven't heard anything concrete from the solicitors regarding exchange/completion. We are debating getting a storage unit to just put everything in, so we can move at short notice and not spend Christmas surrounded by packing boxes. 
• Backpay has been granted, I've been utterly rinsed by deductions so only cleared about 50% of it, which was much less than I was hoping for. 
• Bank balance is currently 50p. I have six days left until payday. 
• Many discussions have been had about our plans with moving. Consensus is 100% that we need to contribute as much as we can to an Emergency Fund each month in order to have something to fall back on. I keep telling myself it's not much longer, but it feels like forever right now.

 On the plus side, I'm killing the NSD's this month, as I've had absolutely no money to spend.

We need to contribute as much as we can to an Emergency Fund
Is Mr Fox going to be contributing? 

As currently it’s all your earnings 

birdsfoottrefoil

Hi Birds, I agree with what Debs and Londoner have said. Could Mr Fox get round the supermarkets during the day while you’re at work? Have you a local community FB page you could as if anyone had any on there? Last time I moved my neighbours son worked for Ringtons so she gave me a load of their boxes. 

Also I don’t think hiring space is a plan, am I right in thinking your current house has either a garage or shed? Could packed boxes be put there. I think it’ll just put extra financial stress on you plus the need to drive to and from it…. Are you moving very far?

I’m sorry about the ex, that sounds rubbish. I hope Mr Fox is being supportive of you and does some nice things for you this week as you’ve had a rough time of it!!! 

The van sounds a bit of a nightmare, is a car definitely not an option?

Ps agree with what MFwannabe has said (comment came in while I was typing) Mr Fox should help contribute. If he won’t work (it’s gone from can’t find work when the diary started due to the rural area to him just no working now you live in town…) then he can do other things. Could he stick some stuff on Vinted it’s an ideal time when you’re moving to lessen what you need to move. Or do some surveys? Or just do something temporary on the run up to Christmas? I do at times want to ask what he does do during the time the Mini Foxes are at School? Would he consider doing something like being a midday supervisor etc that would fit the school hours perfectly? Otherwise honestly I do not get it!!! I would if you made enough to support the both of you but you don’t. Or does he do “cash in hand” work and you just don’t want to say on here? Whatever it is even if he made £20 per week on surveys it would help. If not he needs to sign on and start looking for work as this is putting BOTH of your kids into poverty. 

sarah_diamond

Hi Fox, I'm moving house in Caerphilly on Monday so over the next week or two I should have some boxes available. If you're coming up to Cardiff to see the step-kids once your van is fixed, feel free to drop me a PM and I can meet you somewhere with boxes.
Also, if you have a local wool shop, see if they have boxes you could take off their hands. That's what I've done at the place I go to knit and natter. Not sure of your area, if you want to give a general in a pm, I could tell you if I know of any shops down that way. I'm from Swansea originally and still have friends down there.
S x