Diary of a 30-something idiot

Take_a_hike_Elon_and_Jeff

Hey Mrs Fox
Good morning I hope you are feeling a bit better today and I am sorry to read that you are being challenged left right and centre. I guess like so many we are drawn into your diary because we want to see a happy ending and you being debt free just like I want to be too.
One thing that stands out big time is your car expenditure it really is munching away at your budget like a termite.
I see that you don't drive but appreciate when you lived rurally it was a need but is it now?
What are your reasons for keeping a car? I appreciate it is a difficult one to let go especially for food shops for a big family but there are work arounds and once the car is gone it can be liberating and an absolute fortune can be saved.

MeandO

Fox, there was a guy in front of me yesterday in Sainsbo's grabbing loads of boxes as he was moving. He asked them if they had any they wanted to get rid of and they got loads from out the back and filled his car up with them, so worth asking at your local friendly supermarket!

birdsfoottrefoil

I think it’s really difficult to say that people aren’t being supportive if they comment on Foxes relationship. As I believe the people who are commenting are doing it as they really want to see things improve for Foxes. I’m certainly not saying she needs to dump him but that it’s quite distressing that he seems to offer so little support or that he isn’t helping towards a better future. 

I’m not saying this from an ivory tower but from seeing a similar situation happen to my sister. Whilst maybe being a bit Mr Foxe myself this summer as I’m lucky to have a supportive boyfriend. I stalled in sorting my financial problems out partly as he pays for most things as well as getting a bit depressed by it all. The thing that got me out of the rut was a very upsetting conversation with my boyfriend, where he kindly but clearly explained that my l lack of action in helping towards sorting my own finances out, working towards renovating and letting my house and our joint goals made him feel like I wasn’t invested in our relationship. He said he was happy to support me as long as I was also supporting myself but if I wasn’t then he didn’t think the relationship could last as we weren't supporting each other towards a joint future. It was an awful conversation but I’m soo glad we had it and we are much stronger now. I’m also better with money and feel able to have difficult conversations in our relationship as I know we can work through them. 

So Foxes if you’re reading as the Mr Fox in my relationship I needed that chat and it’s made our future stronger. 

But much love whatever you do.

uhyeahok

Fox, have you tried Olio, or Facebook groups like Buy nothing or Freecycle for moving boxes? People post these all the time in my area, so hopefully you can get some that way.

Lollyj32

What are your reasons for always needing a van rather than a car? As they seem to always end up breaking and costing you money you don’t have. 

Is it for camping etc? You need to face up to the fact that even that isn’t in your affordability, sometimes we need to miss out on holidays etc.  

Swap it for a run around, and concentrate on the basic needs of your daughter, then yourself and then your husband - who for whatever reason isn’t  able to contribute to even the basic needs of your family let alone having a van because he likes a van

millymolly22

I think everyone commenting on your posts is wanting the best for you and your daughter.  No one's marriage is perfect and we all put up with things in our marriages others wouldn't.  
Please just put yourself first and if your husband has any respect for you he will understand the pressure you are under constantly and step up for you.  If he doesn't then unfortunately nothing is ever going to change until the money tree (you) is completely run out.

ChasingtheWelshdream

birdsfoottrefoil said:

I think it’s really difficult to say that people aren’t being supportive if they comment on Foxes relationship. As I believe the people who are commenting are doing it as they really want to see things improve for Foxes. I’m certainly not saying she needs to dump him but that it’s quite distressing that he seems to offer so little support or that he isn’t helping towards a better future. 

I’m not saying this from an ivory tower but from seeing a similar situation happen to my sister. 

I have deleted my thoughts I posted yesterday as I do not want to cause any distress to Fox, feeling analysed by a stranger. But they were meant with the very best intentions and with the above sentiments, (with my experience of witnessing a similar cycle in a very close friend). As are all those commenting I believe, we only want Fox to be ok.

foxandflowers

Gosh, every time I post recently it all seems to devolve into comments about my marriage. I think perhaps it might be time to start a new diary, and a) re-name it as I no longer feel like an idiot (actually would like to point out that that title was never due to Mr Fox, and was more due to the fact that I hadn't recieved my autism diagnosis yet and didn't quite understand why I found things so much harder than other people across the board, not just financially speaking) and b) to have a general re-set and start posting about getting out of debt again and not discussing my relationship. As someone said a few days ago, 150 pages and no progress. 

I get that everyone cares, I really do, but I've said it before, I don't want to discuss my relationship, and I'm actually quite happy with things. Mr Fox has enabled Mini Fox to have someone that is there 24/7 for her, whilst I am responsible for bringing home a wage as the person with higher earning potential. Mini Fox desperately needs stability at the moment, especially with everything going on with her dad, and I would actually go insane if I was at home 24/7. If this was the other way around, I don't think it would be questioned half as much as it is. Also, the step kids. Again, not really up for discussion - they're my responsibility insofar as I love them and want to care for them. I'm married to their dad, and have been in their lives for a decade. So I find it weird that people would assume that I wouldn't also want to spend my weekends with them or go out of my way accommodate seeing them. 

I do appreciate the sentiment and concern. But it is also incredibly demoralising.

dawnybabes

Is Fox dad still seeing her ? If he isn’t can you let CMS know as his payments should go up to you ? 

Our local FB group had a post this week asking for boxes, bubble wrap etc for a house move, loads of people responded.  Your hubby could collect them and start the packing. 

foxandflowers

@dawnybabes
Unfortunately, for now the court order is still in place, so he has contact every other weekend. He doesn't stick to the times laid out, or the extra contact in the holidays however. I will be mentioning to CMS that he isn't having her as much as he is saying. 

I have posted on local FB group, and group in next village. Hopefully get a response soon - my friend has said she will pick up any for me as we still are without a vehicle.