A Better Life.

Buffythedebtslayer

liselle said:

Oh Buffy you’ve solved it! Just get your nightie on earlier and earlier……xx

Lol - visions of me in a nightie at 4.30 pm!!  but yes, I think I will do that. It also makes getting into bed after putting mum to bed quicker. 

Buffythedebtslayer

efes_shareholder said:

This brings back so many memories of when I looked after my mum in the final year of her life.

Its tough , its challenging and its also very very lonely at times - I was fortunate that I was able to work from home but the constant juggling and trying to manage everything left me pretty much exhausted by the end of the day.

It really is important that you make time for you , to escape reality and just to feel normal for a while.

Firstly I would suggest you take some pressure off yourself , whatever gets done , gets done , whatever doesn't is no biggie. 

Maybe take washing to the laundrette and have it service washed , get the slow cooker out over the weekend and pre cook some dinners so thats not another thing to do off an evening , have the groceries delivered , 

Maybe consider having a cleaner in for a few hours to do a sweep through the house and just get it back on track , once everything is clean and tidy its much easier to keep on top off then starting from the bottom - you dont have to make this a regular thing just one long session to make everything more manageable and generally more pleasant 

carers are used to going to homes where there are not adult children there to oversee these things and would have seen and experienced probably every domestic scenerio and untidiness etc 

Your rest right now is so important , when you are caring for another you really need the wind down time and a good nights sleep , If mums up watching TV I'd absolutely suggest a bedroom set , do continue to start your bedtime routine earlier so she can see that you are winding down , its difficult to switch off until you know that they are settled and safe but if she takes herself to bed , what is the worse that can happen?

She does have a tv in her room, I think part of it is loneliness, I stay late at work so much at the moment, sometimes not getting home till 7 or 8 so she doesn't have long, I mean neither do I  so it is tempting to stay up. 

I think Beanie's idea of one weekend on and one off is good, I am so tired tonight, parents' evening (really nice, I love my kids) and chips for tea. I am not getting anything extra done. XXX

Buffythedebtslayer

milann said:

I’m pleased you’ve seen a friends. Would your mum be able to take herself to bed if you went first. I’d call her bluff for a few night and take yourself to your own room ready for bed and maybe listen out to see what happens. If she manages ok - start going to bed and leaving her up…..if she doesn’t give her the ultimatum of you helping her to bed before you go or paying for carers to put her to bed at whatever time they arrive. BUT YOU NEED TO GO TO BED BY whatever time as you’re working the following morning. Maybe allowing a later evening at weekend ? Not sure if it would work…..

She can't really, needs help dressing etc. Last night I did spent some time in my room, it was really nice, do need to tidy it up bit tho. 

The trouble with more carers is the dogs. You have to have them shut away. Mind you I do want doors downstairs - for heat and cooling and then I could shut them in a room... annoying tho. But it is a possibility. 

I am so tired but thank you all so much for the support and ideas. 

XXXx

Buffythedebtslayer

Watched a documentary on the Kidnapping of Angel Flynn. Very very hard to watch. Poor beautiful girl. I hope she keeps improving. Her parents are impressive. 

warby68

Does mum actually get ready for bed earlier in the evening ? That makes the final into bed move a lot quicker and you will both have done the hard bits earlier when you're less tired. My mum does this herself after her evening meal these days. She took some persuading at first but now its routine. 

Even better if getting her ready earlier means your mum can actually get in bed herself when she wants to without your help. Obviously we don't know exactly how disabled your mum is Buffy.

My mum can look after herself but it takes her an age to change etc due to poor mobility, balance and pain so getting ready for bed was like a big job at the wrong end of the day. The compromise solution helped a lot.

RosaBernicia

If I'm not going out again I am regularly in my jammies after I've walked the dogs so potentially by 5.45   there is no shame there!

Buffy do you have an outline routine that you've agreed with your mum?  I am so bad at judging time passing I use now phone alarms to remind me of work breaks, how long I've been out with the dogs before we should head back, etc.  Maybe a reminder at 9 could help without you having to say anything and for other things during the day?  I'm glad you say she understands the problem when reminded but it's no fun for you to have to feel like you're nagging. 

Also, if part of the problem is your mum being on her own all day is there anything that she'd accept to change that - reconsider visitors, or a scheduled weekly video call with each of your sisters?

RosaBernicia

Buffythedebtslayer said:

The trouble with more carers is the dogs. You have to have them shut away. Mind you I do want doors downstairs - for heat and cooling and then I could shut them in a room... annoying tho. But it is a possibility.

Might a baby gate be sufficient?  (depending on size and jumping ability of your dogs!) 

Buffythedebtslayer

RosaBernicia said:

Buffythedebtslayer said:

The trouble with more carers is the dogs. You have to have them shut away. Mind you I do want doors downstairs - for heat and cooling and then I could shut them in a room... annoying tho. But it is a possibility.

Might a baby gate be sufficient?  (depending on size and jumping ability of your dogs!) 

Then Mum wouldn't have access, tho I am looking at a gate like a garden gate that opens fully, not the narrower baby gate type. 

Buffythedebtslayer

Ok. So am feeling ok. Terrified that will jinx something but I have had a handle on stuff this week and so far so good. Just might run out of food. but can go shopping lol  

milann

Sounding good Buffy 👍