A Better Life.

CRANKY40

I was widowed with a young child when I was 42. I tried to get through some of the hardest times of my life by telling myself that other people had it worse. I was telling a friend this one day and that's when I heard the term "toxic positivity". Just because other people are in worse situations doesn't mean that you have no right to be miserable about the way things are and that you have to suffer rather than look for change. You need to focus on getting your life back or at least finding time to do the things that make you happy. I think that I remember that you pay your mum rent? Stop paying and use that money as cash to do your mum's stuff until  the bank is sorted maybe?

Honeysucklelou2

Hope you get some chance to relax and have time to simply be, this half term.

Willowtree222

Hugs Buffy. It's OK to feel what you're feeling. 
X

Buffythedebtslayer

thanks for the comments, I feel better today, I think a day off from pretending everything is going to be alright was good for me. 

I am seeing my friends today thank GOD. Couldn't have come at a better time. 

beanielou

Hope you enjoyed your time with your friends  xx

Makingabobor2

Just de-lurking to say I agree with those who have said you need to make big changes in order to survive.  Giving the animals a good caring new home would be an excellent thing, for them and for you.  Also getting power of attorney is absolutely essential I think. If you wait until your mum is not in a position to consent to POA, then it will be too late to do it.  It really is time you starte putting your self first, then your mum and then the animals...in that order. There are others who can care for your mum, but no one else to care for you. Take care.x

badmemory

It's the old old story - first put your own mask on.  Easy for us to remember but not so easy when you are closely involved.  Please DO take note.

RosaBernicia

Buffythedebtslayer said:

thanks for the comments, I feel better today, I think a day off from pretending everything is going to be alright was good for me. 

I am seeing my friends today thank GOD. Couldn't have come at a better time. 

Sometimes you need to take off the rose tinted glasses in order to see clearly enough to make plans that can actually work. 

I was listening to Ruby Wax's latest book the other day and she said something that stuck with me and might also make sense to you, about how when you are both uncomfortable at home and unable to change it, planning becomes your happy place and your default feel-good activity.  I am certainly guilty of this, it has been useful in some ways to have a lot of vision and confidence in my ability to make changes but sometimes means I don't recognise when there is really too much unnecessary work and it would be better to give in and take another option.

I agree with another poster that you should renegotiate your rent if you are still paying your mum - unless it is literally needed to pay the mortgage and keep the roof over your heads, you're paying double in rent to live there and also all the associated costs of hospital etc, and that doesn't seem fair especially when the more your mum has the less council help she will get and the burden once again comes round to you. 

liselle

As others have mentioned, only you can make the decisions.The small animals aren’t going to get any younger, and as time goes on, there will be more and more expensive vets bills.(I speak from long experience…..) It will be one less worry for you once they’re re-homed.The local college teaching animal care would love to have them and you could visit.

milann

Hope you’re managing to enjoy some sunshine this weekend 🤞