A Better Life.

RosaBernicia

Sorry to hear things are still complicated Buffy.  The bank ought to be able to sort things out immediately.  Poor you and poor piggy!

Do you have a tracking system for what money goes where?  I'm not sure how I would cope without YNAB, and especially when things are bonkers in every other way, it makes it so hard to plan.  YNAB does cost but the transactions come in from the bank now rather than having to add them, and you can set up a category or account for lending to a person so you could total what's gone to and come from your mum.  There's a few similar but cheaper software options too. 

Sun_Addict

What a nightmare with your mum’s bank, shocking customer service 😡 As if you need the added stress! I think you need to sit down and try and sort out what’s gone where so you feel more in control.

Sending hugs x

Buffythedebtslayer

About a month after I started this diary I wrote myself an email. I received it today I was very unhappy, finding things SO hard work, and very depressing at home. I had worked out a plan to get the debt paid off, I was full of ideas for Christmas. I did really well with the forward planning last year. I was so ready. Obviously nothing worked out. I wish I could say the hope in the email buoyed me up but it didn't. I just felt sorry for past myself, always trying so hard so so hard. I had no idea how hard things were going to be. No clue. 

The worst of it was yep, I overpaid the loan, I prepped for Christmas,on budget but then I spent a fortune getting to and from the hospital for 5 weeks, on food, dogs, vets, undoing my plans and progress completely.  it was hell. I just feel very sorry for myself today. It is a bad time. I must acknowledge that. What has happened to me isn't right or fair. 

And yes I know people have it worse, I understand and have read some truly terrible stories on the carers group I joined and here too things are bad for people. But just seeing in black and white just a fortnight before mum went to hospital how badly I truly felt has hollowed me out for today. And today I am going to be sad. And maybe tomorrow too. Am sick of being hopeful. I am just going to feel my damn feelings. 

Normal service will be resumed shortly 

stymied

Hugs @Buffythedebtslayer spend time with your bunnies & piggies while you’re feeling sad.

It may sound very harsh but I think you should add hospital travel etc to your mum’s bill. She can’t take the money with her and it will only go to carers or better off siblings otherwise when you’ve consistently spent out on caring for her (even by moving back in before she was poorly).

Chrystal

Buffythedebtslayer said:

Normal service will be resumed shortly 

Please don'[t take this the wrong way, but that's the main problem Buffy. 
You can't keep doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome, it won't happen.  I know people have mentioned in the past about rehoming the animals (I don't mean the dogs, that would be extremely upsetting for them)
The truth is you haven't got the time, energy or money  to take care of the others properly, and it's taking its toll on you, and probably on them.  You seem to be constantly worrying about cleaning them out, spending time with them and finding money you don't have to pay vets bills.  Although you don't want to hear it, letting them go to new homes would be a kindness, to them and you, and you need to make real changes for anything to turn out differently.  If you can look on it as doing what is best for the animals, rather than feeling you have let them down, you may see it in a different light.
In all honesty you have enough on your plate with your Mam, work, family(!) and the dogs.  It seems as though you are last on the list and that needs to change, and nobody but you can make that happen.
Yes, allow yourself to feel sad, but then think about positive action. 
Also know that there are people on hear who really care about you and are sending you loving thoughts and gentle (((hugs))) 

poppy811

I can only agree.  I suggested months ago that you start to make changes however small.. I know it’s trite saying but true that you can’t change other people only your response to them.  Hope you decide to change one thing today

milann

Sorry things are so tough for you.

warby68

Buffy I wish I could give you a break or persuade you to make the moves that will give you the break.

I see something of my own situation in yours, as sole (and admittedly reluctant) carer for an elderly parent whose needs are increasing. As much as I love her, I do resent the responsibility. It’s not how I wanted to spend middle age. I will always do my level best but I really don't love the role even though I love her very much.

Sun_Addict

Being a carer is hard work especially when you do it alone. I never envisaged being MR SA’s carer, I feel like I had very little time between getting the kids off my hands then suddenly he needed care. I don’t enjoy being a carer at all and there are many times I feel like walking away from it all. 

How I cope is to make sure I take some time for myself on a daily basis plus a few lunches out with friends from time to time. I also take each day as it comes and try not to think about the situation too much. 

You need to put yourself first and as the saying goes - it’s ok not to be ok. Take care xx

Jellytotts

Being a carer is hard enough when the person you are caring for is humbled enough to know how much you're doing and tries in their own way to help ease the burden in anyway they can but being a carer without any form of understanding and gratitude is on another level.

You are going to have to make sacrifices that you don't want to and decisions that will hurt in order to come out the other side of this. You cannot keep paying out huge vets bills and feed bills at the detriment of your own welfare.

If you haven't already then please have the conversation with your Mum about power of attorney so you can make sure money is being spent where it needs to, I'm sure your sisters would whole heartedly agree with this being something you need to do.

Am I right in thinking you took the loan out for a car? Did you get a car?