A Better Life.

badmemory

I agree step away from online dating, its a mugs game.  I tried newspaper ad dating years ago before online was a thing.  It was an interesting experience & not unlike online.  I gave it 3 shots.  2 were looking for someone to keep them.  Seriously one had lost his job & the other was minimum wage.  As for the other well he was a retired very senior policeman & name dropped for England.  I think I was supposed to bow down before him & his obvious superiority.  You know what they say, the more things change the more they remain the same.

Buffythedebtslayer

I actually quite enjoyed online dating when I did the first few times, got one good friend out of it and had one decent relationship that I view as some of my happiest times ever. I just think it was unrealistic really, I simply do not have the time and in reality would rather see my friends then a random bloke. Also, like I said things have changed and I am not happy to meet a person immediately, but obviously our culture is changing and everything is online more than ever now! 

I do still wonder what happened to one guy I used to talk to, God he was weird!! 

RosaBernicia

Buffythedebtslayer said:

that is a really good idea about the dogs, thank you XXX 

One of mine goes straight to her spot at the far end as soon as she smells cucumber, because they usually get the dry slice off the end

Buffythedebtslayer said:

2. I have realised the dogs are fully attached to ME. I feed them at the same time each day and we have a routine that is apart from mum. She is too frail to do much with them. This has sort of broken me really. Leaving them each day is getting easier but coming home to two absolutely frantic to see me dogs is heartbreaking. They are hyper alert to everything especially dog 2. 

4. I haven't killed any vampires. 

2.  Any chance of somebody popping in to see them, either a walker who could play with them for a bit or a Borrow My Doggy type friend?  If you have carers coming in now anyway then the situation is different to before, you're kind of set up for it. 

4.  Did I miss something on the agenda?  Was this in your diary for the week?!

Seasidegal58

Delurking to wish you all the best during these tough times. 

Buffythedebtslayer

I made a decision 3 months ago that I would review the whole looking after mum situation. The three months is up. I can't do things the way we have been doing them. I had stopped seeing my friends almost completely. I was at mum's beck and call all the time - understandably as when she first came home she was very ill. 

My problem is this last two weeks I have tried to do "my" stuff, like the garden,the animals and seeing friends. This has meant I have fallen behind with the housework and the washing plus the dishwasher has packed up and won't be fixed till Friday. It only takes one thing to go wrong and everything feels a mess. Mum also needs to sort out her online banking (again). I appreciate that people will say oh housework can wait but with carers coming and going you can't really. Things need to be done. 

Today I am determined to go out to lunch with some friends. I am miserable without my friends I really am. But equally I have a massive list of stuff to do and the poor rabbits are so neglected - in terms of attention. 

Trying to get any sort of balance is crazy. And work is awful. So this is where I am, it was lovely seeing my friend yesterday but now I have a tonne of stuff to do. I am contemplating one weekend home and one out? If it can work that way. 

Also, I am not getting enough sleep. 

in_need_of_direction

Have you spoken to your gp about your sleep? I know that I struggle so much more to do even basic things when I’m sleeping badly.  When I was at a particularly low point feeling completely overwhelmed, I tried to cancel a pre arranged visit from a friend.  Thankfully she just ignored the message, came anyway and basically set out what we needed to do and mucked in with it.  I have never forgotten her for this.  Why not ask a friend if they could come to you and help with the house.  Even as a one off, it would really help. As a minimum, at least you’d know that you aren’t alone.  Also the chances are, they could see even small solutions that you are too overwhelmed to see.  Take care.

Sun_Addict

Sending hugs Buffy x

Buffythedebtslayer

I think the problem is Mum doesn't go to bed till 11, I need to get up at 6 to avoid getting in the way of the morning carers who come at seven. By the time Saturday afternoon comes I basically collapse. Which obviously cuts into house time. I don't know how to get her to go bed earlier. I spend my evenings running around getting ready for the next day, and mum goes to bed, I go to bed. It is all about being smarter about how I do things but honestly I am running out of ideas. But it is especially hard without a dishwasher. You wouldn't believe the amount of cups I wash up!! 

stymied

Could you get some of those disposable coffee cups until your dishwasher is fixed?

And does your mum have enough income to pay for a laundry service (pride be damned!)

I’m afraid you just have to tell your mum that you’re available until 10 but it’s making you ill not getting even the chance of 8 hours a night. Presumably can still do most of her living room evening activities in bed instead. Or you stay in bed until 7.30 / after the carers have gone if you can still get to work on time that way.

RosaBernicia

I am going to say something much less than diplomatic because I just can't find a tactful version.  The problem here - and it is behind so many of the things you are trying to fix - is that your mum's preferences (that is what bedtime and meal choices are) are being prioritised above your NEEDS (sleep, time to do something other than housework or your job).  There is a limit to how far working smarter gets you when the work is two full time jobs. 

You need a cleaner and a dog walker, which should be paid for either by your mum or by an appropriate reduction in your rent if you are still paying 'market rate'.  And if your mum insists on a bedtime that doesn't allow you a minimum of nine hours break (eight hours sleep plus half an hour for winding down and getting up - that's bed at ten to be up at 7) , she should fund an extra carer visit to support that. 

Sorry Buffster, I know this is rude but I hate that you are being worked into the floor for years by people who don't seem to even appreciate you.  It's really not asking much to go to bed an hour earlier to allow someone who cares for you in every way to get sufficient sleep.