Money Moral Dilemma: Is it fair for my parents to penalise me for not having children?

ChristieJayne

I won't be doing my will like that. I would give my children an equal amount and then the grandchildren less of a percentage. 

I agree with Devon. What happens if you or your brother have another child...

Bonnypitlad

I regret informing my family the details of my will, it’s distressing that most of the beneficiaries think it’s unfair, when I view it from their point of view some have valid points, I would have needed a computer programme to work out all possible computations
I am going to change the will and donate everything to the local donkey sanctuary, they are like brothers to me!
I hope the donkeys don’t fight over who gets a bigger carrot

Mojisola

ChristieJayne said:

I won't be doing my will like that. I would give my children an equal amount and then the grandchildren less of a percentage. 

I agree with Devon. What happens if you or your brother have another child...

A well-written will should cover that eventuality, rather than restricting the inheritance to just those alive at the time the will is made.

It should also cover what happens if any of the beneficiaries die before the testator/testatrix.

Sapindus

ChristieJayne said:

I won't be doing my will like that. I would give my children an equal amount and then the grandchildren less of a percentage. 

I agree with this, because it's arguable that the grandchilrden will in due course probably come in for some of the money that their parent has been left. But I don't think this addresses the fundamental complaint of the OP that they have been "penalised" for being childless.

To draw a further parallel, parents are given money by the government to help with the costs of raising children (child benefit), and may be offered vouchers towards childcare by their employer.  Does the OP feel penalised because, without children, they cannot get these benefits? 

OP seems to view the grandchildren's money as being somehow a benefit to the parent (OP's sibling).  I suppose some of it may filter back to the parent over the years as they become older and the children care for them.  But all other things being equal, childless people tend to be better off in the first place because they haven't had the expense of raising children!

triminx145

I'm not sure "fair / unfair" are the best terms to view this situation and I definitely wouldn't use this approach with your parents.

However, what you describe may not be the best way to set out a will, what happens if you do decide to have children, or your brother has more children, or (God forbid) one of the grandchildren predeceases your parents? They would probably need to rewrite their wills in any of these scenarios. If you did want to suggest anything to your parents, I would try a more open approach:

Why not word the will(s) to leave one third to you, one third to your sibling and one third to be divided equally between any and all grandchildren and great grandchildren (you don't mention how old your parents or the children are)? This is a simple, more future proof way to word a will.

Pollycat

triminx145 said:

I'm not sure "fair / unfair" are the best terms to view this situation and I definitely wouldn't use this approach with your parents.

However, what you describe may not be the best way to set out a will, what happens if you do decide to have children, or your brother has more children, or (God forbid) one of the grandchildren predeceases your parents? They would probably need to rewrite their wills in any of these scenarios. If you did want to suggest anything to your parents, I would try a more open approach:

Why not word the will(s) to leave one third to you, one third to your sibling and one third to be divided equally between any and all grandchildren and great grandchildren(you don't mention how old your parents or the children are)? This is a simple, more future proof way to word a will.

With respect, it is not the OP's will.
Nor is it up to the OP to say how his/her parents should word their will.

Gers

I knew that I recognised this moral dilemma from this board ages ago:

Here it is. Be warned, it's fairly long and got quite heated.

BooJewels

@Gers I knew exactly who you meant when you mentioned it a few pages back.

Gers

Gers said:

I knew that I recognised this moral dilemma from this board ages ago:

Here it is. Be warned, it's fairly long and got quite heated.

Well, that killed the thread dead!

Trotter65

An inheritance is a nice surprise but is certainly not a foregone conclusion! Please see my post from 2 years ago below. My MIL’s will left money to her 3 grandchildren ( we have 2, my BIL has 1) which resulted in my SIL demanding that my husband give her some of his share to make sure that she got the third share she felt that she was ‘entitled’ to!

2 years on still no contact with her but our children have both managed to use their inheritance as deposits on  a 1 bed flat each. Which is exactly what my MIL wanted! My SIL’s argument was that our children would inherit her estate on her death but what use is that to them in 25- 30 years time!

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6195796/family-dispute-over-mother-in-laws-will/p1