Money Moral Dilemma: Is it fair for my parents to penalise me for not having children?

1Ato26Z

Pollycat said:

1Ato26Z said:

Parents leave and spread their assets to their children equally by a will.
Those granparents have no need to make 4 portions, because they only have 2 sons.
When the time is right the children of those granparents will write a will for their children (grandchildren here), if any, to inherit what they had.
Comments about having total freedom to do whatever with your money... Yes, it's true. But nobody wants that their heirs experience miseries or anyone else steals their heirs' inheritance.
Only wealthy people split a portion for good causes or when there's no will and found no heirs or when they make a will with no heirs/offspring.

Clearly that isn't the opinion of the parents of the author of this MMD.
There is no inheritance until someone dies.

I will leave my property/assets as I see fit.
Relationships will not come into it.
My money, my choice what happens to it when I'm dead.

The author asked for the opinion of the people who read the MMD and all have given him feedback. There's no need for you to agree with any of those opinions.

Doc_N

1Ato26Z said:

Pollycat said:

1Ato26Z said:

Parents leave and spread their assets to their children equally by a will.
Those granparents have no need to make 4 portions, because they only have 2 sons.
When the time is right the children of those granparents will write a will for their children (grandchildren here), if any, to inherit what they had.
Comments about having total freedom to do whatever with your money... Yes, it's true. But nobody wants that their heirs experience miseries or anyone else steals their heirs' inheritance.
Only wealthy people split a portion for good causes or when there's no will and found no heirs or when they make a will with no heirs/offspring.

Clearly that isn't the opinion of the parents of the author of this MMD.
There is no inheritance until someone dies.

I will leave my property/assets as I see fit.
Relationships will not come into it.
My money, my choice what happens to it when I'm dead.

The author asked for the opinion of the people who read the MMD and all have given him feedback. There's no need for you to agree with any of those opinions.

Although the likelihood, in reality, is probably that the whole thing’s just fabricated clickbait aimed at attracting traffic and gathering information.

JaneHenery

I suspect there's more to this than meets the eye. The fact is you feel aggrieved at the way this has been split, and I'm wondering if this is because you sense that your parents favour your brother, or they pressure or criticise you for not having children.

Your parents can absolutely do what they like with their money, but if this is hurting your feelings then that is what you should speak about. Plunging in with 'you're giving them too much money, it's not fair!' is only likely to cause arguments, whereas telling one parent, whoever is more likely to understand, that your feelings have been hurt and why, in other words being truthful, is more likely to bring you better results. 

Pollycat

1Ato26Z said:

Pollycat said:

1Ato26Z said:

Parents leave and spread their assets to their children equally by a will.
Those granparents have no need to make 4 portions, because they only have 2 sons.
When the time is right the children of those granparents will write a will for their children (grandchildren here), if any, to inherit what they had.
Comments about having total freedom to do whatever with your money... Yes, it's true. But nobody wants that their heirs experience miseries or anyone else steals their heirs' inheritance.
Only wealthy people split a portion for good causes or when there's no will and found no heirs or when they make a will with no heirs/offspring.

Clearly that isn't the opinion of the parents of the author of this MMD.
There is no inheritance until someone dies.

I will leave my property/assets as I see fit.
Relationships will not come into it.
My money, my choice what happens to it when I'm dead.

The author asked for the opinion of the people who read the MMD and all have given him feedback. There's no need for you to agree with any of those opinions.

OK.
But it really doesn't matter what anybody else says or thinks.
The reality is that the author's parents have made their will in the way that suits them.

Doc_N

Pollycat said:

1Ato26Z said:

Pollycat said:

1Ato26Z said:

Parents leave and spread their assets to their children equally by a will.
Those granparents have no need to make 4 portions, because they only have 2 sons.
When the time is right the children of those granparents will write a will for their children (grandchildren here), if any, to inherit what they had.
Comments about having total freedom to do whatever with your money... Yes, it's true. But nobody wants that their heirs experience miseries or anyone else steals their heirs' inheritance.
Only wealthy people split a portion for good causes or when there's no will and found no heirs or when they make a will with no heirs/offspring.

Clearly that isn't the opinion of the parents of the author of this MMD.
There is no inheritance until someone dies.

I will leave my property/assets as I see fit.
Relationships will not come into it.
My money, my choice what happens to it when I'm dead.

The author asked for the opinion of the people who read the MMD and all have given him feedback. There's no need for you to agree with any of those opinions.

OK.
But it really doesn't matter what anybody else says or thinks.
The reality is that the author's parents have made their will in the way that suits them.

The reality is that it's all made up.

BooJewels

Something happened a few years ago that I've thought about a few times lately, now my parents are both gone.

They invited us all over for Sunday dinner as they had something to show us and we were all suitably intrigued.  On the drive was parked a shiny new motorhome and Dad greeted us with "sorry girls, we've spent your inheritance, I hope you don't mind".

That motorhome took them across Europe a dozen or more times, to places all over the UK - we all had holidays alongside them, my son went away every half term with them etc etc.  One evening post dinner when all 6 of the family, plus 2 dogs were having some hilarity - I think someone had found a well matured bottle of damson gin - my sister raised a glass and thanked them for our inheritance - we were all really enjoying it.

That's the very best way to enjoy an inheritance - with them!

Atilla100

BooJewels said:

Something happened a few years ago that I've thought about a few times lately, now my parents are both gone.

They invited us all over for Sunday dinner as they had something to show us and we were all suitably intrigued.  On the drive was parked a shiny new motorhome and Dad greeted us with "sorry girls, we've spent your inheritance, I hope you don't mind".

That motorhome took them across Europe a dozen or more times, to places all over the UK - we all had holidays alongside them, my son went away every half term with them etc etc.  One evening post dinner when all 6 of the family, plus 2 dogs were having some hilarity - I think someone had found a well matured bottle of damson gin - my sister raised a glass and thanked them for our inheritance - we were all really enjoying it.

That's the very best way to enjoy an inheritance - with them!

Great story!

Pollycat

Doc_N said:

Pollycat said:

1Ato26Z said:

Pollycat said:

1Ato26Z said:

Parents leave and spread their assets to their children equally by a will.
Those granparents have no need to make 4 portions, because they only have 2 sons.
When the time is right the children of those granparents will write a will for their children (grandchildren here), if any, to inherit what they had.
Comments about having total freedom to do whatever with your money... Yes, it's true. But nobody wants that their heirs experience miseries or anyone else steals their heirs' inheritance.
Only wealthy people split a portion for good causes or when there's no will and found no heirs or when they make a will with no heirs/offspring.

Clearly that isn't the opinion of the parents of the author of this MMD.
There is no inheritance until someone dies.

I will leave my property/assets as I see fit.
Relationships will not come into it.
My money, my choice what happens to it when I'm dead.

The author asked for the opinion of the people who read the MMD and all have given him feedback. There's no need for you to agree with any of those opinions.

OK.
But it really doesn't matter what anybody else says or thinks.
The reality is that the author's parents have made their will in the way that suits them.

The reality is that it's all made up.

The reality is that it's not (necessarily) made up.
I've read these MMDs and sometimes the original author has popped up and commented.
If you think it's all made up, why are you bothering posting?
Really?

Doc_N

Pollycat said:

Doc_N said:

Pollycat said:

1Ato26Z said:

Pollycat said:

1Ato26Z said:

Parents leave and spread their assets to their children equally by a will.
Those granparents have no need to make 4 portions, because they only have 2 sons.
When the time is right the children of those granparents will write a will for their children (grandchildren here), if any, to inherit what they had.
Comments about having total freedom to do whatever with your money... Yes, it's true. But nobody wants that their heirs experience miseries or anyone else steals their heirs' inheritance.
Only wealthy people split a portion for good causes or when there's no will and found no heirs or when they make a will with no heirs/offspring.

Clearly that isn't the opinion of the parents of the author of this MMD.
There is no inheritance until someone dies.

I will leave my property/assets as I see fit.
Relationships will not come into it.
My money, my choice what happens to it when I'm dead.

The author asked for the opinion of the people who read the MMD and all have given him feedback. There's no need for you to agree with any of those opinions.

OK.
But it really doesn't matter what anybody else says or thinks.
The reality is that the author's parents have made their will in the way that suits them.

The reality is that it's all made up.

The reality is that it's not (necessarily) made up.
I've read these MMDs and sometimes the original author has popped up and commented.
If you think it's all made up, why are you bothering posting?
Really?

Don't worry - my posts are made up too!  

PeteKDevon

So many angles for debate here but having read all the responses up to 27th October 22 it seems to me that nobody has approached the topic suggesting. exploring what your  ' conversational relationship history'  about this type of subject is with your parents? Compassion to your feelings seems to have been ignored by most in the forum

To pre qualify anything in my post, I'd like to say ( as so many others here)  anyone, via their will, can choose to leave their assets, generally, to whomever they wish. It's evident you understand that ... that is the legal situation  

BUT 

if you have in the past had discussions with your parents  ( and also maybe your brother )  about your parents wills and this is causing you confusion or upset then of course you should ask them what their thinking is? They are your close family why shouldn't you approach any subject that is making you feel this way? This isn't greed , this dilemma is one that stems from needing to understand a family matter that you think is unfair, regardless of what others outside your family feel. 

To also consider and look at it another way, maybe your brother has already spoken to you parents and that's why they changed the will? Do you know that? Where wills are concerned 'influence' by beneficiaries isn't uncommon.  Again to qualify, you alone understand your relationship with your close family, nobody else. 

Some things to maybe consider before chatting.  All these things effect your decision, method and content with an approach 

1. is there a catalyst for this decision for them to change the will and what was in their previous will, do you know. 
2. Are the grandchildren new to the family, did this come out of the blue or discussed previously?  

3.  Ensure you clarify to them you understand that of course they can do what they wish in their will  so your conversation is merely to understand & not to get them to change their will. 

4. Ask yourself why they have told you this? 

There is no definitive answer to a dilemma like this but surely one of open discussion, I feel, within a family, has to be best for the overall relationship between you all.  Diplomacy will be your key, think out well the approach and guage the tones if you decide to approach.

Im afraid you do have to accept their final decision, just like people in the future will have to accept the decision in your will, it's clear you get that.    Well, apart from the ability to contest it in the future,  but of course if this will is written by a lawyer it's very unlikely to be a successful challenge in this particular situation. It common for grandchildren to be substantially included in their grandparents wills 

By the way my background is senior management in a division of a FTSE 100 company specialising in Wealth and Investment Management / Wills, Trusts & Probate.  My experience often took me down this dilemma route with Estate Planning amongst close family

Hope you find your answer and are able to rationally understand and accept the outcome