Money Moral Dilemma: Is it fair for my parents to penalise me for not having children?

gloriouslyhappy

msb1234 said:

kdevans said:

this happened to me - my mother left everything to my sister and her kids.  both me and my brother would receive nothing even if we had had kids after the will was written.  things like this  really splits families.  no good came to her though - she died soon after my mother so what goes around comes around.  I used to look after my mother (cleaning etc) my sister did nothing.  shows how much i was appreciated in the end.  hope they are both nice and warm where they are now!!

What an awful thing to say!

Awful thing to say maybe, but completely understandable - one sibling did the grunt work of taking care of the elderly parent, and the other who did nothing, got everything. Very divisive on the part of the mother, no wonder the poster is upset, s/he has effectively been rated as worthless / not worthy.

Atilla100

It's a great question and one that has understandably generated a wide range of answers, not to mention emotional undercurrent! It's clearly a very personal issue and we are all different.

Speaking for myself I chose to split my estate equally between by two children. One has 2 children of their own, i.e. my grandchildren, whilst the other currently has none, so a very similar scenario. I see absolutely no reason to treat my two children differently, especially not because one has children and the other has not. That is as true whilst I am alive as it will be when I die, having supported them equally, but in different ways, at various points in their lives.

I love my grandchildren dearly, and I provide separate financial benefits for them already such as savings accounts etc. However, they are not my children, they are someone else's children, and it is for their own parents to decide what they inherit, not me.
My estate will go to my own children equally, and they can each decide what they then do with it. 

SadieO

Brigantia4444 said:

If you haven't got your life together enough to settle down and give them the grandchildren they always hoped for whilst they were working their butts off to raise YOU, then stop complaining! You, in a purely dispassionate view, were their 'ticket to immortality'. If you can't fulfil that 'investment' for them due to being feckless, why do you expect to be rewarded with their hard earned money for that?? 

Wow, please tell me this isn't serious! Because if it is, what a horrible attitude! Not having children does not mean that anyone is "feckless" or doesn't have their life together! And why assume that the parents were "always hoping for" grandchildren? And if they were, well they have some via their other child so their "ticket to immortality" (who on earth thinks of their children in this way?) has been fulfilled, so why has OP failed them as you seem to be suggesting? What odd assumptions you make. 

I'm perfectly settled with my husband who I've been with for 25 years. We are whatever the opposite of feckless is but we don't have children. (Due to medical reasons, not that that matters). My parents would be devastated to think that anyone might assume they are disappointed in me for failing to "fulfil their investment". Some people don't have children by choice, for some it is out of their hands. How unpleasant to suggest they are irresponsible or a disappointment to their parents for this! 

gloriouslyhappy

Brigantia4444 said:

If you haven't got your life together enough to settle down and give them the grandchildren they always hoped for whilst they were working their butts off to raise YOU, then stop complaining! You, in a purely dispassionate view, were their 'ticket to immortality'. If you can't fulfil that 'investment' for them due to being feckless, why do you expect to be rewarded with their hard earned money for that?? It's their cash, not yours.

Whaaat! Perhaps OP can't have children, perhaps the parents didn't have children as a 'ticket to 'immortality', perhaps your comment is absolutely ridiculous!!! Are you seriously saying people without children are feckless? What a cheek!!! 

I do hope you're sounding like a total idiot for the sake of sparking controversy, in which case you've succeeded. But if you really feel this way, you have a twisted mentality. 

primrose_penguin

As your parents raised the subject by telling you what they are going to do with their money you could ask them what will happen if you have children, however if you have no intention of having any I think you should forget about it, as others have said you are getting the same as your brother which is fair. Don't let it cause any bitterness between you and your brother, I'm afraid money brings out the worst in some people when a parent dies, please don't let it do the same to you, it is just not worth it.

Aleann

Sounds a bit entitled to me. Fact is your parents may leave their estate to whoever they choose, including the cats home. This isn’t France and there is no legal imperative upon them to divide their estate equally between their children. If they make a will it is binding unless you have a legally acceptable objection.
Suck it up and if you still feel the need, earn their wish to give you more.

Marcon

bandanaman said:

I have 3 x children, we have split our 'estate' 3 ways, 1 child is married and has 2 children, the other 2 x children are unwed / no children of their own.
1 x child did ask me whether the fact that we have 2 x grandchildren, would they be penalised and we replied No - each child gets their own EQUAL share from us and it is up to them who they leave their estate to.
We think that is fair - however I must note that all 3 of our children are well employed, earning very good salaries, it may be the case that if 1 x child was on low salary then it might be considered fair to assist their children as they might be unable to do so.

Someone else using the word 'penalised' - what a bizarre choice of word in this context. How sad that anyone could even raise that approach to a potential inheritance.

Doc_N

Aleann said:

Sounds a bit entitled to me. Fact is your parents may leave their estate to whoever they choose, including the cats home. This isn’t France and there is no legal imperative upon them to divide their estate equally between their children. If they make a will it is binding unless you have a legally acceptable objection.
Suck it up and if you still feel the need, earn their wish to give you more.

Actually, there are circumstances in which a will can be challenged by someone left out of a will if that person was financially dependent on the parent.

Agent57

I agree, it is their money to do with as they wish. 

I just hope the parents have thought it through and not been subjected to any undue influence.

brizzie_2

My parents left a set amount of £1000 to each grandchild, 7 of them, including 2 "honorary" (granddaughter's half brothers). No-one objected although I have no kids. The balance was split 3 ways to 3 sons. Didn't occur to me to moan. When I shuffle off, my estate is split 8 ways between 5 nephews and nieces and 3 honorary nephews and nieces. There's a bit of discrimination in there as 1 brother has 1 child and the other has 4, and 3 are not blood but see me as a spare dad. Point is it's up to me and me alone. If anyone argues they are automatically excluded from inheritance.

It's up to the asset owners to decide what is and isn't fair to them. No-one is entitled to anything and I'm quite determined myself that anyone who thinks they are entitled by right to a particular share of my estate gets zilch