Money Moral Dilemma: Is it fair for my parents to penalise me for not having children?

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  • I have 3 x children, we have split our 'estate' 3 ways, 1 child is married and has 2 children, the other 2 x children are unwed / no children of their own.
    1 x child did ask me whether the fact that we have 2 x grandchildren, would they be penalised and we replied No - each child gets their own EQUAL share from us and it is up to them who they leave their estate to.
    We think that is fair - however I must note that all 3 of our children are well employed, earning very good salaries, it may be the case that if 1 x child was on low salary then it might be considered fair to assist their children as they might be unable to do so.
  • msb1234 said:
    kdevans said:
    this happened to me - my mother left everything to my sister and her kids.  both me and my brother would receive nothing even if we had had kids after the will was written.  things like this  really splits families.  no good came to her though - she died soon after my mother so what goes around comes around.  I used to look after my mother (cleaning etc) my sister did nothing.  shows how much i was appreciated in the end.  hope they are both nice and warm where they are now!!
    What an awful thing to say!
    Awful thing to say maybe, but completely understandable - one sibling did the grunt work of taking care of the elderly parent, and the other who did nothing, got everything. Very divisive on the part of the mother, no wonder the poster is upset, s/he has effectively been rated as worthless / not worthy.
  • It's a great question and one that has understandably generated a wide range of answers, not to mention emotional undercurrent! It's clearly a very personal issue and we are all different.

    Speaking for myself I chose to split my estate equally between by two children. One has 2 children of their own, i.e. my grandchildren, whilst the other currently has none, so a very similar scenario. I see absolutely no reason to treat my two children differently, especially not because one has children and the other has not. That is as true whilst I am alive as it will be when I die, having supported them equally, but in different ways, at various points in their lives.

    I love my grandchildren dearly, and I provide separate financial benefits for them already such as savings accounts etc. However, they are not my children, they are someone else's children, and it is for their own parents to decide what they inherit, not me.
    My estate will go to my own children equally, and they can each decide what they then do with it. 


  • As your parents raised the subject by telling you what they are going to do with their money you could ask them what will happen if you have children, however if you have no intention of having any I think you should forget about it, as others have said you are getting the same as your brother which is fair. Don't let it cause any bitterness between you and your brother, I'm afraid money brings out the worst in some people when a parent dies, please don't let it do the same to you, it is just not worth it.
  • Aleann
    Aleann Posts: 8
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    Sounds a bit entitled to me. Fact is your parents may leave their estate to whoever they choose, including the cats home. This isn’t France and there is no legal imperative upon them to divide their estate equally between their children. If they make a will it is binding unless you have a legally acceptable objection.
    Suck it up and if you still feel the need, earn their wish to give you more.

  • Marcon
    Marcon Posts: 9,999
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    I have 3 x children, we have split our 'estate' 3 ways, 1 child is married and has 2 children, the other 2 x children are unwed / no children of their own.
    1 x child did ask me whether the fact that we have 2 x grandchildren, would they be penalised and we replied No - each child gets their own EQUAL share from us and it is up to them who they leave their estate to.
    We think that is fair - however I must note that all 3 of our children are well employed, earning very good salaries, it may be the case that if 1 x child was on low salary then it might be considered fair to assist their children as they might be unable to do so.
    Someone else using the word 'penalised' - what a bizarre choice of word in this context. How sad that anyone could even raise that approach to a potential inheritance.
    Googling on your question might have been both quicker and easier, if you're only after simple facts rather than opinions!  
  • Doc_N
    Doc_N Posts: 8,261
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    Aleann said:
    Sounds a bit entitled to me. Fact is your parents may leave their estate to whoever they choose, including the cats home. This isn’t France and there is no legal imperative upon them to divide their estate equally between their children. If they make a will it is binding unless you have a legally acceptable objection.
    Suck it up and if you still feel the need, earn their wish to give you more.

    Actually, there are circumstances in which a will can be challenged by someone left out of a will if that person was financially dependent on the parent.
  • Agent57
    Agent57 Posts: 52
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    I agree, it is their money to do with as they wish. 

    I just hope the parents have thought it through and not been subjected to any undue influence.

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