Money Moral Dilemma: Is it fair for my parents to penalise me for not having children?

HRH_MUngo

I think it is the parents' money to do with as they wish.  No arguments.

I personally would leave an equal amount to each child and then it is up to the ones withj children to provide for those children.

Luckily I only have one child and he is not going to have any children so he will get the lot. (Lucky man!).

jedav

None of us is owed an inheritance from anyone - they could leave it all to charity, for example.  I can see that it might feel unfair if you were expecting the split to be at the children level, but it is their decision.  It might also feel unfair if one sibling did the majority of the care, for example, and got less or no money, but that's a lesson in altruism.  Some people like to jump over a generation so that the money is only subject to inheritance tax once, when the grandparents die, but not when the children die - it depends on the sums involved.  Or it may be that they feel that their children don't need all of the money, so it is best to pass it down the generations.
I wish that more families would discuss such matters so that less unpleasantness happened.  You know your parents so only you can decide whether to discuss how you feel about it with them and what the likely outcome of that might be.  If you do, word it carefully, perhaps as a quest for understanding of their reasons rather than a complaint.
I speak as an only child who got most of the money, and all of the responsibility for care - no situation is ideal, and most people tend to feel that the situation less advantageous to them is "unfair".  That's just being human.

Malthusian

jedav said:

I wish that more families would discuss such matters so that less unpleasantness happened.  You know your parents so only you can decide whether to discuss how you feel about it with them and what the likely outcome of that might be.  If you do, word it carefully, perhaps as a quest for understanding of their reasons rather than a complaint.

The problem with this idea is that the family did discuss this matter, and the result is that one party is running around the Internet complaining it's unfair. If they'd kept schtum, any unpleasantness would have been delayed until their deaths. Arguably they have increased unpleasantness by giving the OP more time in which to be resentful.
I am not generally a fan of concealing information, but in this case I don't know what the parents were hoping to achieve by displaying the contents of their Wills. It's not like the people in receipt of the information could do anything about it. 

sindyjames

I don't think your parents are punishing you and rewarding your brother.  They have 4 people they care about so want to leave their money to all of them. I don't think it's unfair at all.

bananasinpjs

You ARE missing out on account of the existence of your nephews/nieces.  However, you were already set to loose out by 50% due to the existence of your brother, so why does this feel different? 

It might help to re-frame it as your parents choosing to give 50% to their children and 50% direct to their grandchildren, rather than as 75% going to your bother's line.  You would still be getting 25% if those children were yours instead of his.

I'm assuming that the money IS going direct to the grandchildren or being put in trust for them; if it isn't, I'd raise that with your parents.  Otherwise, I'd give yourself some time for this to sink in, it's not what your were expecting and it may take a little while to get used to it.

OmoEgba

It's their money to do with as they wish. No one should expect to receive an inheritance.

Sea_Shell

We'd be exactly in this position with both sides of our family (if they so decided).

As our estate would eventually end up with our niblings, it would save us having to make a deed of variation.

OP would have to think about where the inheritance would end up at the end of the day.

Marcon

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My parents are making their will, and have told me that they're splitting their assets equally between my brother, his two children and me - so we each get 25%. I'd assumed they would split them equally between me and my brother, and then we could reallocate them as we saw fit. As it is, it feels like my parents are penalising me for not having children, while rewarding my brother for having them, which seems unfair. It'll be difficult to tell my parents how I feel, but should I say something, or respect their wishes?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.

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Interesting sentence: I'd assumed they would split them equally between me and my brother, and then we could reallocate them as we saw fit. 

Seems to suggest you think that you should have the final say in where your parents' money goes, rather than letting the owners of that cash make their own decision while they are still alive and able to do so. Respecting their wishes would be a very good idea.

Doc_N said:

We also gifted as much as we possibly could to our children to avoid future IHT - very little point in accumulating savings if they're going to lose 40% on death!  Try that one on them!

....or just respect their wishes, rather than suggesting they do something a random stranger on the internet 'recommended'. There's also the little matter of your parents potentially needing care in later life, and if they have deliberately deprived themselves of their assets, don't expect any help from the local authority.

maggs123

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My parents are making their will, and have told me that they're splitting their assets equally between my brother, his two children and me - so we each get 25%. I'd assumed they would split them equally between me and my brother, and then we could reallocate them as we saw fit. As it is, it feels like my parents are penalising me for not having children, while rewarding my brother for having them, which seems unfair. It'll be difficult to tell my parents how I feel, but should I say something, or respect their wishes?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.

Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

Think yourself lucky you're getting 25% of your parents assets.

Gers

Gosh, this brings back horrendous memories of a discussion here a number of years ago when a very angry poster took real umbrage with this very situation.  The thread got very heated as the poster had a warped and nasty view.  I hope that this 'dilemma' hasn't been re-hashed from that.