Money Moral Dilemma: Is it fair for my parents to penalise me for not having children?

MarcMCFC1986

If you HAD had kids of your own, it would have been spread even more thin - appreciate what you get.

Pollycat

I think this is in the wrong place.
The Deaths, funerals & probate board is a serious one.
According to MSE:

Get MoneySaving help at the time of bereavement - discuss wills, inheritance tax, estate planning and more.

and therefore shouldn't be used for what is basically clickbait. 

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value.

As for the dilemma...there is no dilemma here.
A beneficiary has no say in how money/assets are shared out in a will.

Doc_N

Best approach is to give away what you can afford to - now. When it can do most good for your children, maybe enabling them to buy a house that they couldn’t otherwise afford.

Huge pleasure to be had from seeing money used to good purpose, rather than sat in investments. And potentially big savings in inheritance tax, costing as much as 40% to the beneficiaries.

Depends entirely on your income, of course, how secure it is, your likely future outgoings, and what stage of life you’re at (and your children) - but never could understand the selfish SKI (spending the kids’ inheritance) approach personally.

Pollycat

diggingahole said:

I don't understand how some people on here think it's ok to treat inheritance for grandchildren the same as for their own children?

It is certainly not normal and I think very unfair.

Some money should be left to grandchildren of course, but anything more than 10% seems unfair and excessive to me.

Of course I hope this will not happen but what if shortly after your parents die, your brother and one of the grandchildren dies, the surviving grandchild would end up with 75% of the inheritance while you as their the only living child get 25%... that can't be right.

It's perfectly OK for the people making the will to decide how to leave their money/assets.

Malthusian

diggingahole said:

Of course I hope this will not happen but what if shortly after your parents die, your brother and one of the grandchildren dies, the surviving grandchild would end up with 75% of the inheritance while you as their the only living child get 25%... that can't be right.

The surviving grandchild would likely have just lost both their parents (otherwise the other would likely be in line for the brother's share). And lost their sibling (again, both parents must be dead or the surviving parent would typically inherit that 25%). Do you think that, newly orphaned and alone in the world, they'd be throwing a big party with their 75%?
Perhaps they could turn to Uncle / Auntie. No, wait, not a good idea, Uncle / Auntie resents their existence because they inherited money they wrongly think belongs to them. Jeez, tough break. It's either the care system or the cupboard under the Dursleys' stairs. And you think Auntie / Uncle is the one who's hard done by.
I'd say the surviving grandchild is far more in need of the extra 50% than Aunt/Uncle who is an independent adult. Hopefully they eventually get their hands on it.

astroL

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My parents are making their will, and have told me that they're splitting their assets equally between my brother, his two children and me - so we each get 25%. I'd assumed they would split them equally between me and my brother, and then we could reallocate them as we saw fit. As it is, it feels like my parents are penalising me for not having children, while rewarding my brother for having them, which seems unfair. It'll be difficult to tell my parents how I feel, but should I say something, or respect their wishes?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.

Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

Consider yourself 'lucky'.  I have been the family 'rescuer' for 50+ years, for my mother, always being the one that would be contacted when she and my sister got themselves into trouble. She died last January and I discovered - when trying to deal with the 'estate' - that she had 'tipped off' people (instead of writing a Will) that she wanted everything to go to my sister.  I felt quite sick dealing with the estate to think that that was how I was being treated. Yes, consider yourself lucky that you got anything.

L

Littledaler

 I knew people would wade in with "It's their money to do with as they wish" but seriously, what a way to show favouritism.  And with personal experience of sibling favouritism, I can tell you it is NOT GOOD.  It wouldn't matter if the inheritance was 40 quid, the feeling would be the same and is not right.  Also, Devongardener makes a fair point, what if there are more children?  His/her suggestion of thirds seems the perfect solution.  I'll remember that if I have grandchildren and use the same formula.

ginger_chocolate

I say this as the childfree person amongst my siblings:

You're inheriting money
You likely have fewer outgoings than your brother due to your lack of kids
Seriously, quit moaning.

Pollycat

Littledaler said:

 I knew people would wade in with "It's their money to do with as they wish" but seriously, what a way to show favouritism.  And with personal experience of sibling favouritism, I can tell you it is NOT GOOD.  It wouldn't matter if the inheritance was 40 quid, the feeling would be the same and is not right.  Also, Devongardener makes a fair point, what if there are more children?  His/her suggestion of thirds seems the perfect solution.  I'll remember that if I have grandchildren and use the same formula.

It's not a case of 'wading in'.
It's stating a fact.
There is no inheritance until someone dies.
Someone making a will has the right to leave their money however and to whoever they wish.
Even the local cat shelter.

And with personal experience of sibling favouritism myself, I regarded my Mum's will (which left the majority of her small estate to my sister and her 2 children) as an expression of her wishes.
I respected her choices.
Her money, to do with as she wished.

Maybe people should be less greedy and grasping and jealous about what other people do with their money.

MistyG70

I am childfree; my sister has two and my brother has three.  My parents' wills were split three ways and then my dad (when his dementia started) came up with this mad cap idea of splitting it eight ways.  It was hilarious because he asked me what my thoughts were, even though I would lose out the most.  Privately I thought it was a terrible idea (and I knew my sister would be spitting feathers as she was already jealous of my brother), but I told him it was completely up to him; it's their money after all.  Thankfully, mum thought it was a rubbish idea and told dad not to be so ridiculous LOL.  It is a very strange idea but ultimately, it's your parents' choice.