Feels like im going under!

enthusiasticsaver

Those changes are all a good start but my guess is you have been struggling with debt a long time and probably reconsolidated and remortgaged a number of times to get to where you are now with a much bigger mortgage, loans and credit cards. It would be best for you and your wife to go through that soa together then she will see that there is no quick fix. 

 You have way too much allocated to the cost of running cars so getting rid of a car would help. The sky is an easy one. Even Netflix or Amazon prime is cheaper. 

Grumpelstiltskin

Getting into debt as easy, just waved your credit card at something someone wanted and it was there.
Getting out of debt is so much harder.

Virtually everything you said in your latest post is what you have given up.

You still seem to want to shield your wife and children from the harsh reality of the situation, you can't do this the whole family has to be on board.

OK you shop at Aldi and Lidl, do you go when the reductions are out? First thing in the morning at those shops, do you throw food away because it has reached it's best before dates? Have you ever bought the £1.50 fruit and veg. boxes from Lidl?
So much more I could say.

Makingabobor2

@Andyjflet......good point about not using credit cards or 5 years. We are now 7 years with no CC's and it was the best feeling in the world cutting them up and knowing we will NEVER use one again. 

Also @Enthusiasticsaver is spot on with saying you need to get rid of a car. Again its something we had to do, but after a while you realise you CAN manage without. Same with the Sky, there is loads of stuff on Freeview these days, and most kids will watch stuff on YouTube etc as well. 

You really need to be stopping payments, get online or on the phone to Stepchange and write the letters to creditors, telling them you are entering into a DMP & asking them to put accounts on hold & stop interest while they wait to hear from StepChange.  I spent a Sunday afternoon doing all this and it really was the best afternoon's work I ever did. Felt so relieved after and had the best nights sleep I'd had in months. We had both been suffering physically & mentally with worry and this really is the only way to get straight again and have a life.   The longer you wait, the bigger your problem will get. 

NiteEyez1980

Hi guys 

Unfortunately no way can we get rid of a car. 

1 car is a tiny 1.3 that I use for work and seats 4, the other is the 7 seater that I use for family as there is 6 of us.

EssexHebridean

NiteEyez1980 said:

Hi guys

To the question on what i/we have cut back on:

Shop at Aldi/lidl
I use soap for washing, and safety razor etc for shaving (no fancy brand stuff)
Do not go to pub
I do IF (for health reasons) so save on breakfast.
No longer those 'costas' each morning at work - use Aldi coffee
I'm also a qualified PT, however my workout are done exclusively at home now, no commercial gym (or any gym) 
Social excursions (stag nights, work do's, trips away with friends have been curtailed/declined) 

A brilliant start - but I’m guessing that the SOA was done after those things had already started - so unfortunately that doesn’t help with the picture right now.

I want you to ask yourself a question - in fact, two. The first is - do you trust your wife? and the second - do you consider you are be all and end all in your family? My guess is that you’ve just answered an indignant Yes! To the first and No! to the second, right? (If it was the other way round then these are not the forums you need right now! 😆) So in that case, why are you not trusting that your wife will be exactly as supportive and on board with this as you presumably would be if the positions were reversed? And why do you feel that you have to sort this situation out single handedly? Your family is a team, right, and teams work together, so… 

One final question- and this is winding back to one asked earlier which I don’t think you addressed… you were talking about making payment offers to your creditors and I asked how much money you had available, as things stand, to pay them. Can you see the answer to that now, and if so, do you understand why we’re saying the single most important thing for you to do as soon as possible is to stop the debt payments on all unsecured debt? 

Psst - one thing though, stop convincing yourself that IF saves you money - unless you are doing it as a weight-loss diet with other steps in place too, you’ll simply be eating additional calories at your later meals, so it’s a false impression of saving I’m afraid. Also, breakfast tends to be the cheapest meal of the day for most folk so the saving is probably less than you might think! 😉 

enthusiasticsaver

If you really want to make a good start at this it means the following. 

Cancel the direct debits for everything except mortgage and secured loan. Write to your creditors and explain you need breathing space while you sort out your finances and say it is affecting your mental health.  They have to help you.

Stop using credit cards for anything.  Food, fuel and anything else should be bought using debit card ideally from an account with no overdraft and a bank you do not owe money to or cash.  Open a basic account and only set up direct debits for essentials. 

Save for emergencies as you will have no access to credit.  

I know it is difficult when you have a large family but I do not think you can afford to run two cars.  Are the schools in walking distance?  You already have other transport costs so if those are bus passes can they be used instead of a car?  

Talk to your family.  The older ones particularly the ones who have children should know you are struggling. Pave the way for Christmas not being a spend fest. 

If the above happens hopefully the creditors will stop charging interest.  That will stop the situation getting worse. 

kimwp

On the two cars point, I understand your reasoning - not using a big car for the long commute makes sense. I think it would be worth crunching the numbers on having the big car though - do you need to have everyone going on all the journeys and for the journeys that you do need to have everyone going, would it be cheaper to get a taxi for the extra people or do two journeys  rather than paying for insurance, maintenance, mot, servicing etc on a whole extra car. It's a lifestyle change but I think you need to be clear with yourself that you are not well off for the amount of people you have in your family and need to "cut your coat according to your cloth". Instead of saying "we need two cars for our big family", imagine how you would do things with just the one smaller car and only keep two if that makes life impossible (rather than less pleasant or convenient)

EssexHebridean

Something has just struck me on the car thing - you mentioned earlier I think that your wife doesn’t drive? You can only drive one car at a time, so having two is entirely pointless to you. Keep the one that fits the family, and use that for all mileage, and get shot of the other one would be my suggestion there. At the moment you are seeing a lot of annual expenditure for a second car that simply sits and goes nowhere much of the time. Sure, the bigger car might cost a little more to run day on day, but it’s unlikely to be more than the insurance, tax, depreciative costs, servicing and MOT that you are currently paying for the second one. 

Also - a great point from ES regarding Christmas. Stop for a moment and have a think about what you reckon your family’s expectations might be around this - are they used to a big family Christmas with all the trimmings, and - possibly most significantly - a big spend on presents all round? How much would you usually spend on each child for Christmas, for example? Add up the totals and see how that compares with the amount in your budget for Christmas and birthdays - it might be an eye opener. (And then remember that doesn’t include extra spending on foods, decorations and that sort of thing…) 

Sea_Shell

NiteEyez1980 said:

Hi guys

To the question on what i/we have cut back on:

Shop at Aldi/lidl
I use soap for washing, and safety razor etc for shaving (no fancy brand stuff)
Do not go to pub
I do IF (for health reasons) so save on breakfast.
No longer those 'costas' each morning at work - use Aldi coffee
I'm also a qualified PT, however my workout are done exclusively at home now, no commercial gym (or any gym) 
Social excursions (stag nights, work do's, trips away with friends have been curtailed/declined) 

As others have said/asked, are these all things that you've already cut back on before doing your SOA?, or are they in the last week?

Some of these things are what YOU have cut back on.   What about your wife? 

Is she still using fancy brand toiletries, still having Costas, still going out socialising?

Again, as others have said, this NEEDS to be a team effort.   It's not just down to you to "sort it".   The "pain" has to be shared. 


Also, although Aldi/Lidl ARE cheaper, your grocery shop can still be expensive if you put too many "specially selected" items or treats in your trolley!!     Just shopping there will save money over buying similar elsewhere, but you also have to scrutinise WHAT you're buying.


Also, i agree with other that if you are the only driver in the house, keeping a second small car as a "runaround" is likely to be uneconomic, rather than just using the main car for everything.   You need to do the sums, taking into account, tax, insurance, servicing etc.   I don't doubt that the big car maybe less economical on fuel, but it's unlikely to outstrip the costs of running 2.    Sell the little one and put £££ in your pocket.

Makingabobor2

Such a lot of good advice here. I do hope OP is listening and will heed some of it.   And on the subject of opening a new bank account, make sure it is with someone you don't have any debts with. We went to Nationwide (1 joint account for all bills and a personal one each),  and its a great account, simple to use, can add savings accounts to it as many as you want, and most importantly does NOT have an overdraft facility, so no chance of slipping back into bad ways.